ghosts of the past | crow.reflected

[aero ❥]

we are together but so apart
crawling back to my lonely start
i can't even call them ghosts of the past


It was cold for summer. But it was also too wet. It felt like the forest itself was confused, like going through the same motions season after season became so redundant it just slowly forgot how it was supposed to be. Crowshroud had known this feeling. But then the change he needed had finally come, to break the pattern, to remind him of how it was supposed to be. He couldn't thank Cherrypaw enough for that. He'd never told her that's what she'd done for him, that she saved him from the boring redundant rouge lifestyle of doing just enough to survive. When you lived like that, it made you cold. It created a hard outside and an even harder, unfeeling inside. After a while you were a walking thing. You had no identity. You had no emotions. You breathed, you fought, you ate, and you slept. Everyday. It made you ugly, corrupt. A kind of travesty. A dead man walking. And once you got that far, there was no going back. You wouldn't be happy anywhere but the road and with anyone but yourself. And if the forest had gotten that far - that it was alive around them but dead inside...it was a shame. And the black warrior had the only Cherrypaw, and he wouldn't share.

It had been half a week since they had arrived, and surprisingly things had come to rest with a uneasy order. The chaos had stopped, it was just the sheer amount of cats living so close together in a bedraggled organized fashion that made it insane. The tense air was still hanging above all their heads, but the churning masses had taken to make-shift footpaths and what was similar to traffic lanes on a highway, so at least you could get from one place to another. Temporary camps and nests were circling Vertigoclan's camp, which now looked more like a fortress compared to the sad little clearings. But more than a fortress it was a city, busy and alive and always awake, never completely silent. That was where everyone wanted to be, but not everyone could go. Like New York or Hollywood. Crowshroud was happy to not go near it, any more than he had to anyway. Vertigo cats stayed close to it or out in untouched, unknown reaches of their territory, and the dark tom was just fine with that. He had his own little secret spot, a hollow log surrounded by ferns, circled by thick pines. It provided dry shelter, cover, and proved to have a good number of prey animals living around it. Cherrypaw, Wraithlight, and a few select others knew of it's whereabouts.

because they're right here with me
reminding me of every wrong
haunting me


It was true he was hiding, not facing the ones he left behind. Haunted wasn't a strong enough word, but that's what he felt in their presence. Not that he hated them, they hated him. At least he thought so. And that was enough to keep him tucked away in his log. He would have to deal with it someday soon, he knew that much, but putting it off a little longer let him sleep at night. He was in the wooden shelter now, it smelled strong and musty, damp slightly from the night's rain. It was morning, and a cold wind whistled through the hollow, rousing him from a half sleep. He blinked away the remnants of his doze, stone green eyes surprisingly shallow. He moved, squirming, waking his muscles up from a frozen stiff eternity of stillness. When he felt ready, he grunted as he got to his feet paw by paw, back touching the flaky ceiling. It was wide, but not tall, and he had to duck his head until he padded out into the ferns. Glistening not-yet-evaporated dewdrops clung to the soft green, wetting his fur as he escaped their gentle touch. The dirt was damp much like the log, but his paws had grown use to the feeling. For a moment he wondered where the beautiful calico - Cherrypaw - was, but dismissed it with the notion that she was probably on some duty or another. Though he was more or less a Tempestclan cat now, Voidstar chose not to acknowledge his usefulness. The leader probably understood the warrior's situation here, but Crowshroud was probably just making up excuses for the black tom. Voidstar hadn't seemed that nice. And the deputy (What was her name, urm, Dreamflight, no...Dreamfeather!) had addressed him briefly to assess him no less, but was terribly reserved. And that had been the last any authorities had spoken to him.

Shaking himself, the warrior decided to do a little hunting, maybe just take a walk. Possibly even seek out Wraithlight for a conversation. Anything to get his mind off the miserable things that plagued his life. Before he knew it, he was down the mountain, having descended the steep side like a professional. Well, in a sense he was. Coming to the edge of the trees, he stopped, peering out. The lake had devoured most of the boulders, there were cracks and crevices still empty, and some of the overly sized rocks in the distance high above the sparkling murky water. It looked almost man made, the way the stones were barely above the water like a path. A younger him would have taken the risk and jumped from surface to surface, making a game out of it. He had been reckless, a brave hearty tom that took on the world and couldn't fail. That made friends and enemies, that ruled his own kingdom and made up his own world. Conquered his own rules. He smiled at the recollection, giving the silence a quiet laugh. He seemed so distant now. He wasn't the same tom, be was bigger and stronger and smarter, a warrior that had pride and believed in justice. Justice. His father came to mind, the older faceless tom he dreamed about since he was small. That need to know who he was; that was all that was the same. And now, in these times Crowshroud was closer than ever to finding out what he had sought for moons - because all the clans were at his claw tips, and someone would talk.

they're never gone
never gone

[lily ♫]

Everything that had happened lately, the flooding, the injuries it caused, the tragedies that were still unwinding, it all hadn't hit him yet. Being a member of VertigoClan made it easier on him though. He got to stay in his own territory, the only problem he had to face was all of the 'intruders'. Despite the few friends he'd made among them all, there was only so much you could take of all of the changes before you started to go crazy. And, when Reflectedrain started to go crazy, he had to do something about it, and, usually, that meant leaving camp, especially now as it was teeming full of all these odd cats.

Shaking his head lightly as he neared the rockiest part of VertigoClan territory, his eyes widened, and he could feel his heart thrumming loudly within his chest. Water was everywhere, and Reflectedrain's heart sank like a torpedo. "This is...serious." He breathed aloud, blinking in disbelief. His jaw opened to catch the scent of his surroundings, the stench of stagnant water stronger than before. The VertigoClan tom had simply assumed that the horrid scent had been on the evacuated cat's pelts, but now he knew he was wrong.

As he stood there with his paws firmly planted to the ground, the scent of another tom drifted his way, causing his entire body to tense. "Crowshoud?" He called, cerulean eyes searching for his former apprentice, thoughts racing through his mind quickly and incessantly. "Come out; it's okay. It's just me." He added, turning round in a circle, his mouth open to try and pinpoint the runaway warrior's location.

[aero ❥]

with you near to me now
all I want to do is drown
in my sorrows; in my sin
in anger


The stocky black tom had more or less zoned out, everything seeming strangely distant as he stared blankly into the water. It was one of his tendencies - to tune things out - but not even an old habit could of stopped the warrior from inhaling a familiar scent. He knew instantly it was a Vertigoclan cat, tom. But it took him a moment to recognize who it belonged to. When he did, his glazed eyes seemed to retread from the sparkling surface and return to here and now. They had a certain panic in them, but also a queer anger. The hair along his spine bristled, and on instinct his claws unsheathed. The tabby Reflectedrain had been a terrible vexation in what he now referred to as his 'former life'. He had been his mentor, the one responsible for his training and involvement. But all he had ever truly been was a setback, a let down, an inconvenience. No, Crowshroud hadn't forgotten all the times the tom wasn't around. All the training they never did. All the tasks he was never sent on. And just as clearly he remembered that day he had first spoken to Wraithlight; (Wraithpaw then) it was the day they started their friendship. The white tom had told him why his mentor had never been around much. It was because he was head over tail for Spellpaw, chasing her like a mouse on a wheel. The black she-cat had always gotten on Crowshroud's nerves, and he was glad she wasn't around anymore. But here or gone - what's done was done - and Crowshroud partly blamed Reflectedrain as the reason he was never made a warrior in Vertigoclan. If the older tom had been slightly more supportive, cared about him just a little more...maybe he would still belong to his old clan. But his home was Tempestclan now.

dead and gone
you're still a ghost
still a memory's horror


"Crowshroud?" Call me by a name you didn't help give me. The dark tom thought, moving into a nearby shadow. He considered just leaving - running from him like he had all of Vertigoclan since they'd arrived. But he was tired of running. He didn't want to tell himself any more fairy tales before bed that his life was alright, because it wasn't. And if he wanted to fix things - to confront his demons - one of the best ways to start was with one of his devils. "Come out; it's okay. It's just me." The tomcat snorted, lip curling. It's okay, it's just you. Keep telling yourself that. His stone green eyes peered over some shrubbery, catching a glimpse of the tabby turning in a circle. He swiped his tongue over his abnormally large fangs, as if looking at a plump piece of fresh-kill. Slowly his claws sheathed, his fur still slightly bristling as he padded out into the open towards Reflectedrain.
The breeze hit him hard, but his gaze was unblinking. It was clear he was tense, maybe even a little hostile, but he had no intention on attacking the tom. "Crowshroud - my warrior name. Do you like it?" The younger tom had a false note in his voice, and he paced in a half-circle. "It's been a long time." There was darkness in those words. Cold darkness.

[lily ♫]

As the crow-colored tom emerged from where he had been, the VertigoClan tom's eyes widened. With one cool breeze flowing over both of their pelts, the air around them grew still, the dreary morning's light flickering over them like a brewing storm. The tension in the air was like the humidity before a summer storm, and Reflectedrain had a feeling that the storm would not be breaking too soon. "Crowshroud - my warrior name. Do you like it?

[/i]" His ears perked slightly, but pointed back after his former apprentice spoke. Something wasn't right; the tabby tom couldn't bring himself to look the other in the eye. "Yes, it's quite fitting." He murmured, eyes glued to the ground.

As the dark tom spoke once more, Reflectedrain's head shot up, eyes narrowing slighty. The darkness in his words was foreboding, each word like tiny daggers in Reflectedrain's tabby pelt, along with his sub-conscious mind. 'Where did I go wrong?' He thought, searching through his memories of their time spent together. Dully, he realized there really hadn't been many times they'd actually been together. And why? Spellpaw. Shaking his head slowly, he looked down before collecting himself along with his own thoughts. "It has, but at the same time, it hasn't. What happened to you? You can't blame it all on me, you know. I had the best damn mentor this world's ever seen, and I used to be a mouthy brat." He admitted, eyes locked onto his former apprentice's. "But look at me now. I worked together with Northwind. We were a team. You never even tried to bond with me!" He spat, his hackles rising and his claws unsheathing, sinking into the damp ground below his paws.

Pulling back, he turned away, tail tip twitching and his ears plastered down to the back of his head. He hissed, closing his eyes tight and clamping his jaws together. He knew what it was like to be abandoned by your own mentor. Hell, it'd happened to him. But Northwind had made up for it. They'd struggled through their own troubles together, and they'd made it through everything that happened. Dustedrose's death, and the kits. But look at what he had learned from it. Nothing! Turning his head back to his apprentice, he let a sigh spill from his mouth. "I'm sorry. It's all my fault and I know it. I know how you're feeling right now, and it sucks. I should've tried harder to connect with you instead of mindlessly chasing after her. I'd use an excuse like, 'you'll know what it's like when you've found a girl, kiddy!' but it's pointless. I screwed up, okay?" His last sentence quiet, and he hung his head. "I'm sorry.. I really am." He murmured softly, looking straight at Crowshroud before looking back up at the cloudy sky.

"So, you found a place to fit in, then? TempestClan?" He asked, turning his head to wink at the tom. "I really hope you're happy there." Reflectedrain added with a smile, approaching his former apprentice slowly, unable to control himself anymore. "Got any special she-cat yet?" He joked, jabbing lightly at the tom with his forepaw before he felt awkward. Frowning, he returned to his former spot a respectable distance away from the black tom and sat down. "Too soon?" He asked, wincing and speaking with a strained voice.[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[aero ❥]

The light of day danced on the waters, and shone through Crowshroud's fur. It turned the impure patches brown, which mostly centered around his shoulders and haunches. Normally, standing still like this, he would have shifted his weight from one large paw to another - but this wasn't a normal situation. "Yes, it's quite fitting." The dark tomcat's tail lashed in anger. Quite fitting indeed. His pale stone eyes didn't let up off the tabby - but pressed harder against him. The older tom didn't have the guts to look him in the eye, apparently. When Reflectedrain's head snapped to attention at his next words, he couldn't help but feel a little smug. The former mentor's narrowed cerulean eyes made Crowshroud perk up, chest out and broad shoulders erect. He wanted a challenge, and he would not back down. "It has, but at the same time, it hasn't. What happened to you? You can't blame it all on me, you know. I had the best damn mentor this world's ever seen, and I used to be a mouthy brat." The dark warrior didn't doubt the last part. "But look at me now. I worked together with Northwind. We were a team. You never even tried to bond with me!" Was the auburn accented tom going to make excuses? Was he going to refer back to his own pitiful existence that Crowshroud didn't care about? Yes, he was. "My clan abandoning me, that's what happened!" The warrior snarled, taking a heavy step forward. "Vertigoclan being too busy to take care of it's own affairs. That's what happened. And yes, look at you now. What have you got to show for it but yourself?" Crowshroud's stinging words were meant to dig deep. "You're no Northwind, and I'm no you. But if you really want to get technical, you never tried to bond with me either." The dark warrior was all about facts, at least as he spoke. He didn't deny it wasn't all Reflectedrain's fault, because it wasn't. But the tabby was too large a part to be let off the hook.

"I'm sorry. It's all my fault and I know it. I know how you're feeling right now, and it sucks. I should've tried harder to connect with you instead of mindlessly chasing after her. I'd use an excuse like, 'you'll know what it's like when you've found a girl, kiddy!' but it's pointless. I screwed up, okay?" His last sentence was quiet, and he hung his head. "I'm sorry.. I really am." Crowshroud was very quiet, and very still. His stone green eyes did not waver from the tom - they were too intent on searching. Searching for sarcasm, for untruths. When he found none, the younger warrior sighed, glancing away at the water. So his former mentor did know his wrongs. Spellpaw had, no pun intended, had him bewitched. "You don't know how I feel," He meowed, shaking his head. "You did screw up. You helped cheat me out of a life I could of had. But do you know what's funny?" Crowshroud looked at him, odd glint in his eyes. "I don't think I'd of wanted it anyway." If he had been made a warrior in Vertigoclan, he would have been indifferent. He wouldn't have known the marshes or the rolling moor - not the ways of less cultured cats or even been as good of a fighter, as good of a survivor. And he would of never met Cherrytaint. "I don't want your apology." He finally finished, and with it closed his eyes in farewell to hate he had harbored for too long. Just then he vanquished one of his greatest demons.

"So, you found a place to fit in, then? TempestClan?" Opening his eyes, the tomcat caught the wink just in time. Awkwardly he opened his mouth, but then shut it as the tom continued. "I really hope you're happy there." As Reflectedrain came closer, the warrior shrank back. "Got any special she-cat yet?" A light gab to his chest made Crowshroud's lip curl in a warning, queer large fangs fully exposed. As the uncomfortably close tom edged back to his former spot, he was able to relax a little more. "Too soon?" He must be insane. "Actually I hoped the day would never come." The dark-furred male replied gingerly, no signs of sarcasm in his voice. "But, yes, I guess you could say I fit into Tempestclan." He thought about this for a moment, wondering how strange what he was saying might seem. At least, to Reflectedrain. Crowshroud considered the she-cat question carefully, wondering if he could call Cherrytaint...his. "Urm," A slight shuffle of his large paws. "Yes, you could say so." How happy he had been to be at Cherrytaint's warrior ceremony. She had been radiant and glowing with pride and happiness - her smile the only thing expressing all of her excitement. She was always so controlled and classy with such things, not giving away her feelings. That night, as she had sat vigil, Crowshroud had chosen to lay in a different spot. One he could see her from, and make sure that she was alright. He didn't think she knew about this, and he didn't want her to, but he cared for her. She was after all the reason he was in Tempestclan.

[lily ♫]

His eyes narrowed, nostrils flaring at the obsidian tom. Abandoning him? More like he'd given up on them! Crowshroud's words stung, and Reflectedrain flinched, hissing lightly between his teeth. 'Ungrateful brat!' He remarked silently, shaking his head to keep himself calm. The morning light above them flickered as the pine trees blocked out the bright sunbeams, and the tabby tom did his best to calm down. "Fine! I didn't, and I don't want to play this damn blame game any longer. It's both our faults!" He snapped, glaring at the black tom as he seethed in his own anger. And then, it was like something changed. His cerulean gaze softened again as Crowshrouds words echoed in his head. "I don't want your apology." Before he could even manage a short retort, the obsidian tom was explaining, and Reflectedrain nodded curtly. "Wherever you go, promise me you'll make an effort to be happy, alright? VertigoClan isn't for everyone, I suppose." He murmured quietly, looking away from where his former apprentice stood.

He cracked a grin as Crowshroud informed him that it was indeed too soon, and the wolfish way he was smiling grew even more childish. "Oops!" Reflectedrain smirked, growing ornerier by the minute. His ears perked as his former apprentice mentioned a she-cat, but he kept to himself aside from a chuckle or two. "I won't ask for details there. Do what you gotta do, y'know?" He explained, taking one step closer to the other tom. "I know you probably don't want me to or you feel like I don't have a right to feel this way, but I'm proud of you, Crowshroud. You've gone farther on your own than this ol' Clan would have ever gotten you. Have fun, okay?" Reflectedrain beamed before taking on a more reserved expression and stepping back once more.

ooc: finish this up soonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn?