Post by MiNTY♥ on Feb 20, 2012 16:59:57 GMT -5
So yeah this is my essay for school and lynxie said she would point out my grammar mistakes and anything that sounds kinda off. Also the word limit it 1300 and I am at 1299 soo if you guys see repitition and things then point it out so I can remove it XD And anybody can comment on it if you can be bothered & thanks a lot to anybody who does! I hate re-reading things.
I recall, very clearly, the day when my ‘best friend’ would not even look at me. Repeatedly I asked her what was wrong but it was as though I was invisible to her. Finally, I gently placed my hand on her shoulder and she whipped around to face me.
“I can’t believe what you said about me,” she hissed before storming off, leaving my standing in the cloakroom calling after her. I was completely confused; yesterday everything had been normal.
She had joined my school in primary five and although she had been placed in the other class I was still quick to befriend her. It was a fast transition since my best friend at the time started growing apart from me so this new girl entering the picture seemed perfect. We got on well together and it was not long before we were spending time together outside of school. It made the shock of my old best friend moving away to Inverness at the beginning of summer more bearable and resulted in me moving closer to the newer girl. That summer we spent so much time together, going to the park and getting ice cream or even just sitting in the back garden. Back then our friendship had been so strong which was made the events that followed even more of a surprise to me. Just like that one day had changed everything and I never even saw it coming.
After that day I remained invisible to her and gradually other people began to shit me out too. There was one particular event where I was crying and one girl had asked me what was wrong.
“None of my friends will speak to me,” I sobbed while wiping my eyes and she gave me a sympathetic smile. Then a girl I had been friends with since primary one decided to get involved.
“No wonder after what you said!” She shouted and walked away followed by her friends. I remember feeling like someone had sucked all of the air from my lungs and I cried silently to myself. I did not understand why everybody was treating me like this, I did not understand what they believed I had said and I did not understand why when I had known some of these people for years. It was so nice of my ex best friend to tell everyone what I had apparently said but me. It was no wonder my faith in people was beginning to dwindle and I have never gotten it back.
The next step was this girl going to the teacher and telling her what I had said. I sat there blankly while the girl whispered to the teacher about what I had done. When she finished I begged her to tell me what she seemed to think I had said, desperate to understand what was really going on. Instead of explaining herself she would not even look at me and left me alone with her teacher. The teacher scolded me despite the fact I did not know what I was getting into trouble for. That was when she said something to me that I would never forget.
“You aren’t going to have any friends if you treat them like that,” she snapped while her beady eyes were staring right into me. By this point I had stopped protesting and trying to defend myself because nobody believed what I was saying anyway, even if it was the truth. This went against everything I had been taught. I was always told to tell the truth and good would come of it, but none did. I was always told that telling a responsible adult was the right thing to do, but it only made it worse. As I was dismissed both class teachers stood staring after me. They were shaking their heads and tutting while whispering to each other. I had always thought they were both like teenagers by the way they were always gossiping and laughing together but that just confirmed it. Now that I think about it they had probably told every teacher in the staff room. All I had left after that was my own knowledge that I was telling the truth and as long as I knew it that was all that mattered. That was what made me able to face them every day, knowing that they were wrong and that I would never trust any of them again.
After that it got worse rather than better. Having the teacher shout at me had not been enough revenge for her so she and her friends took it out on me. One of them would tell me something and then if I repeated what they had told me they would call me a liar, and I could only stand there and accept it. Each night when I went to sleep I would end up crying over the day’s events followed by me crying when I woke up in the morning at the thought of having to go to school that day. It made me feel sick and anxious. I have more recently thought about how these events are probably behind me being so introverted. I feel that I don’t especially like meeting new people and trying to befriend them and trusting people is even harder for me. Even if I think I trust someone there may still be a flicker of doubt in the back of my mind just in case they turn on me suddenly and hurt me, just like my friend at the time did. Sometimes I even look at other girls and envy how outgoing and happy they are and wonder if I could have been like that if I had not concluded that people were horrible and out to hurt you. I would definitely say that because of this I stick to a very select group of people. Unfortunately I can’t leave these events behind.
One day roughly a year after that girl had turned on me we were having a conversation over the internet and began to discuss what had happened back then. I finally got her to tell me what she seemed to think I had said which turned out to be something about her mother who I was well aware had died of cancer. When I found out I was furious that she thought I would say such a thing but it meant that I understood why she had been so upset with me. I sat there stunned, unable to process why everyone had believed I had said that. I demanded she told me why she thought I had said that and finally she gave in and explained that another girl had told her. This just made me even angrier because I had never even spoken to the girl who had made this up never mind given her any sort of reason to be angry at me and want to hurt me. My life had been changed by some stupid little girl who had probably decided to make up lies just for the fun of it. Everybody had believed her because they all saw her as innocent but I remember my mum telling me at one point how she was horrible to everyone. I just do not understand why she did it or why she had decided to wreck my life.
To this day I find myself unable to trust people and open up because of what happened back then. I find myself choosing to be by myself instead of going out and to keep my problems to myself rather than sharing them with other people. I really wish I had not had to go through this and hope that I will be able to move on from it.
<3 I shall now mail you cupcakes.
<33