i need that one thing {pepper}

[MiNTY♥]

You keep making me weak, yeah, frozen and can't breathe

Treading through the snow with no hesitation the silver tom looked around with disappointment evident in his eyes. Any fresh herbs would be rare for him to find growing in this kind of weather making his stocks limited. Since his stocks were limited if any cat got sick they would run out quickly and he may not be able to carry them through the winter. As soon as the leaves had started to fall he had been collecting herbs like crazy and his stocks were very full but he always worried he wouldn’t be enough. There clan cats were clearly more attached to one another than he had been as a part of Delirium to any other. He even found himself being rather distant from his parents but they weren’t exactly the best example of loving cats, but they satisfied his needs and that was good enough for him. For some reason he would feel ungrateful for asking anything more of them and this coldness inside of him made him shudder. Maybe he was just that type, the type to always be cold and distant from everyone else and never be able to find a place. The thing was he wasn’t cold and distant, yes he was sarcastic and a bit rude but he still made conversation.

Moons ago something had told him that by joining a clan he would feel as though he had become a part of something but whatever gave him that idea had been extremely wrong. Clan cats could make one feel more alone than ever with their scrutiny and judgement. Honestly he didn’t care what they said about him because he had never been weak, well clearly not physically but mentally also. Ever since he had been born it was drummed into his head that he should be strong, and along with that he was taught to be intelligent and to think for himself. He loved being able to think for himself and at times he couldn’t help but wonder if clan cats thought uniformly, if everything they knew was the same. On one paw, that made him feel as though he had a lucky escape but on the other maybe the reason many of them were happy was a result of that way of thinking. Either way very few of them had grown to accept him despite the fact he had saved their ass during that spell of sickness and as any skilled healer would know it was harder to save lives in the cold. It was their choice at the end of the day; they could choose to accept him and live or turn their backs on him and die. He was strong on his own, he could survive winter no problem without any assistance from others but a clan needed a medicine cat to survive and they couldn’t exactly force him to teach another his knowledge.

A good factor of the cold was the frost, it preserved herbs almost perfectly which meant the large amount of stock that he had collected would not spoil and would last until the spring came around, unless of course he had to use it. He was fairly sure that most of the stock had been collected but it was hard to tell since he couldn’t see the ground for the snow. Giving up on searching Toxicwinter began his journey back to the camp he currently called home. He hated to admit it but he was beginning to get used to walking across open moorland where he felt exposed. As he climbed to the top of the hill he looked over his shoulder and noticed a patrol many fox-lengths away. Watching them for a moment he decided they must have been going to look for food and he dashed off, back to the sheltered camp. Now in the comfort of his own den he sat down and began to groom the fur on his belly that had gathered clumps of snow and ice as he walked. He spat the ice out of his mouth before it could stick to his tongue and left it to melt on the ground while he went to find some fresh kill in the camp. Picking up a very skinny looking something he brushed the ice fragments from it and fixed his teeth around it. Biting into it he heard an awkward sounding crunch and dropped it as the cold nipped at his fangs. Grumbling he pulled the piece of prey underneath him in order to warm it up to a temperature suitable for eating.

words// 763
music// one thing - one direction
notes// this should be fun, I love him in this post (:

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[LYNX ♥]

pepperbreath
and she spoke words that would melt in your hands
and she spoke words of wisdom

Now, leaf-bare spilling into the valley, a fresh coating of new snow encased the moor. While the tall grass out on the rolling hills shook it off into the soil when the wind blew, camp was a winter wonderland- shimmering in its alabaster glory. The pond had frozen over and the tiny female floated deftly toward it. Her clean white paws camouflaged beneath the frozen terrain, her grace was more evident now than ever, and she knew it to be so. Hopefully all eyes were on her-- after all, she had just bathed and her short dappled coat shone divinely. Rather, she thought so anyway. Thus, it was because of this, and the possibility of admiring onlookers that Pepperbreath paused at the pond's edge instead of leaping onto the ice recklessly, as she would have liked to. Instead, she simply relished the crunch of thin ice against petrified grass.

Of course, it was little more than a game she played with herself-- Pepperbreath was lonely, for while being an irritating she-cat had its perks to her, not manner appreciated it quite so much, and she knew full well that no one would be admiring her lovely tortoiseshell fur today. She shivered, then pricked her ears in epiphany. Of course! Toxicwinter could admire it, couldn't he? He was a tom with eyes, they were on neutral ground and, as much as she could never admit such a thing to herself, deep down Pepperbreath had quite the eyes for him too. No no, that complicated things and as lonely as she was, she preferred simplicity. Still, it struck her as a positively brilliant idea and so, turning on her heels, she let her whip-like tail float into the air like a banner and padded toward the meek little fresh-kill pile where she had seen him appear only moments ago.

Pepperbreath suddenly paused, an intensely awkward feeling washing over her. Would Toxicwinter be offended that she had avoided him ever since their meeting before he joined the clan? As offensive and ridiculous as she could be, she didn't mean to hurt his feelings. Very valid reasons backed her up! For how could she explain it if someone found out they had met, even if briefly, before he joined? Of course, there were other more prominent and embarrassing reasons she chose to keep out of his way, but those were best kept away from her train of thought. Nevertheless, the tortoisehshell shook away her worries and continued toward the makeshift medicine cat, stopping behind him to bat at his tail, keeping her eyes down.

"How's clan life been treating you stranger? Can't quite believe you haven't killed anyone yet." She purred, but kept her flaxen gaze downturned, afraid to meet his piercing green eyes.

[MiNTY♥]

You keep making me weak, yeah, frozen and can't breathe

Absently he stared straight ahead not focusing on anything in particular. To an onlooker it would appear as though he was lost in his own thoughts but he could see basically everything that was going on in camp from this angle. There were few cats kicking about and they didn’t remain in camp for long, always with the cats going in and the cats going out. He mentally took note of Sparktail limping across camp but made a point if ignoring the proud tom. So maybe had bad joints and an irritating level of fleas infesting his pelt, that was not his problem and there was no reason for him to show concern for the elder. Most of his life was spent either sleeping or complaining, and since he was clearly too proud to come and see him about his inconveniences then he could remain that way. For a ‘medicine cat’ he really did not have a particularly caring nature.

In all honesty he wasn’t actually sure what type of nature he did have. Obviously by default he should be a cold-blooded killer. You can inherit personality, as much as his parents would have liked, but over time you begin to act the same way as those around you. While being part of Delirium he had been just as cold and as cruel as the rest of them had been, he even attack cats for no particular reason other than they had decided to insult him, no clan medicine cat would lash out as a result of an insult and he had gathered as much from the way most of Zephyrclan frowned down upon him. It was then out of the corner of his eye he saw a familiar spotted figure passing but his interest in her was beginning to dwindle and so he kept to his own business, staring at something far away from where he was now. Which was why he felt surprised when he was roused from hearing her snappy little voice beside him as well as the warmth radiating from her skin despite the distance between the two cats.

Toxicwinter looked over at her unenthusiastically and grunted in greeting. Her petite frame reminded him of the size of many Zephyclan cats and made him realise how many of them must be freezing in this weather. That was just too bad since that clearly was not his problem, and it would never be a problem for him. His tail flicked in annoyance like an irritated queen would when a disobedient kit decided to pounce on her tail, but he didn’t stir. ”Honestly I can’t see the appeal of living in a clan, I assumed I must be missing out on something since each of you have a well-populated gang but I can’t understand why.” He responded with an interest similar to that of an apprentice doing their camp maintenance duties. Then his spirits lifted slightly before he spoke again. ”Yes, yes, I am fully aware I haven’t been living up to my expectations but don’t worry, I am sure I will find someone deserving of it fairly quickly.” He added, a small smirk appearing on his maw unknown to the other cat. However, that disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared. There was silence for a few moments while he stared ahead of himself and scented the air. ”Well you don’t smell sick, so what can I help you with?” He asked. The only reason cats came to see him was if they were sick and he doubted that Pepperbreath was sick.

words// 596
music// none
notes// mr grumpy teddy bear.

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[LYNX ♥]

pepperbreath
and she spoke words that would melt in your hands
and she spoke words of wisdom

She looked over her sleek pelt, and the fact that it was dappled in such a variety of colors that she couldn't help being proud of donning it. Surely he noticed? Of course she wouldn't expect any compliments from the grumpy furball because she understood that was simply not a rogue's nature, but the least he could do was look at hr? Meet her eyes? He was probably just pissy she hadn't paid him any visits since he joined, and if that was the case then he ought to just suck it up! That was her train of logic anyway, but she brushed it off. Surely she could get him into better spirits again, couldn't she? If she put her mind to it, Pepperbreath believed she could cheer up the enormous tom. As a heavy wind tore through her short fur and bit at her slender bones, she sharply drew in a breath of surprise which made a faint hissing noise.

While Toxicwinter spoke to her as if he didn't know her any better than the next cat, her patience in him dwindled. At last she picked her tiny frame up and set it before him, forcing the big tabby to acknowledge her anyway. "The appeal, Fluffy, is that you get some sense of family. It's nice, it's cozy when you're not forcing yourself into isolation." Dirtbrain. Pepperbreath wanted to butt her head into his, to knock a smile onto his face, but she knew that fooling around in her typically kit-like way would do little but get him to unsheathe his claws -- the opposite of her goal. She cocked her angular head, her eyes darkening with the realization that the bond she thought they had formed moons ago was only a figment of her imagination. It was little more than a chance encounter, it hadn't effected him at all!

The tortoiseshell uttered a rather dramatic sigh and tilted her head in the other direction, "I don't know, I think you've softened up. StarClan, you're little more than a ball of cattail fluff now! I mean I haven't even seen you claw an apprentice yet. What's up with that? I'm a little disappointed, sir." The female warrior grinned, and twitched her tail. The wind continued to whip about her, making the tom's fur billow about him, and making her own pelt shake with freezing tremors. She was counting the days until the sun would reappear and relinquish the winter's ruthless grip on the valley. "I don't seem sick? Hah!" She barked, quite ungracefully as ever. "I'm dying Toxicwinter, can't you see? Absolutely dying. Of boredom. Why don't you entertain me? Do a flip or something, medicine cat." Her eyes were laughing, but Pepperbreath managed to retain a stoic mask, wondering when she'd trigger the former rogue's obvious hidden rage.

[MiNTY♥]

You keep making me weak, yeah, frozen and can't breathe

At the females comment about getting cosy he could not stop himself from snorting. Of course, everything was beginning to make so much more sense. ”My apologies miss, I keep forgetting that you lot are small and lithe, although I would have thought with the strong winds you would be able to withstand a bit of cold.” He responded not really taking the conversation too seriously. Looking up as she sat before him he met her pale coloured gaze with his more vibrant one while wearing an indifferent expression upon his features. When he had previously spoken to her, he had taken a liking to her because she had not seemed quite as mouse-brained as the rest of the clan cats but now he was not entirely sure about her; just as he wasn’t sure of a friendship with any being in this clan. When spoken to he was rarely hostile but they never seemed to be friendly towards him. It grew less surprising by the day, just as the layers of snow that covered the ground seemed to be growing.

In response to her next comment he shook his head slightly. ”I’m neither hard nor soft. I simply adjust to fit in where I need to. I mean yes I was raised around cats whose mental stability could easily be questioned but I am not quite so insane or mentally unstable – whatever you want to call it.” He retorted in a matter-of-fact tone. When the incentive was there he could quickly turn on you in very little time. He noticed that the female appeared to be shivering but he didn’t mention it to her as he felt little of the cold through his very thick-furred pelt. It was irritating during the warmer weather but during the colder weather is kept him exceptionally warm; he even had clumps of fur that grew between his claws. Ultimately the truth was he was just as bored as she had described. There was nothing fun to do in Zephyrclan and he had been spending his days picking herbs, sorting herbs and re-sorting them to make sure the piles were neat and none of them got mixed. Sure he was busy during the sickness but that was no longer. He really wanted something to keep him occupied.

Looking at her with his piercing gaze he half smirked and waited before speaking; giving her the opportunity to be curious about what was on his mind. ”I think you will find medicine cats very boring creatures indeed, I could bore you to death with my knowledge of herbs, or you could find something entertaining to do since you know this place oh so well, clan cat.” He retorted sharply, but not in a harsh way as it was intended as a kind of challenge for the female. Besides it was only logical that the one of them who had been here the longest would know more about what they did for fun than he, the outsider.

words // 500
notes// wow I reached that word count, leaving it overnight gave me a burst of muse - enjoy.

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[LYNX ♥]

pepperbreath
and she spoke words that would melt in your hands
and she spoke words of wisdom

As petty and juvenille as it seemed, the female simply couldn't tear her gaze away from his hulking form, as though he blocked out the sun and cast a shadow over everything around him, he was an overwhelming presense to her and she couldn't shake it off. Instead, she sized him up, her eyes drifting down, then back to his face, bringing a smile to her serpentine features when he spoke again, for of course he couldn't relate to the idea! While she herself was treated as though her pelt hid thorns among her clanmates, she still sometimes was able to glean faint traces of affection from them and she was, no matter what distaste she earned from them found them always welcoming into their den at night, so in the cold she could always find another pelt to press against her own. Almost pityingly, she stared at her own paws-- at last looking away from the former rogue. Of course he wouldn't get it. He'd been alone all his life, surely. Not in that no-one-to-love sort of bullshit way, but in a way that kept him from curling up side-by-side with a companion, and whispering 'good night' to a sleepy companion. Pepperbreath, at least, had fellows for that. Orioleflash, at least. Even Paintedstar and Ripplesurf could be considered kin of sorts. A rush of feeling almost exploded from her heart for the tom but she reigned in her feelings, as usual. If she was expressing herself, she wasn't much of a Pepperbreath then was she?

"It's not about the temperature, genius." She meowed, over-compensating for her former softness with a tone icier than the wind blowing over the moors. With her words thrown at him, she rolled her eyes-- the icing on the cake. "If you close yourself off to everyone at every waking moment, then I wouldn't expect you to ever understand either. However," She mewed knowingly, catching his gaze meaningfully, "Clan life is better than anything you've experienced before, I know it. You're just scared." The tortoiseshell shrugged rather carelessly, her pallid gaze twinkling with something mischeivous.

Even if all she wanted to do was shake a little bit of that apathy out of him, Pepperbreath could see she was being little more than a hypocrtie anyway. Of course, she was the one holding more apathy than empathy, when her only defense against others was volume with weak hostility to match. At least Toxicwinter had his reasons, he had a rough past with the hardships of joining a clan to boot-- she had little more than half-hearted excuses and unfounded insecurities. Still, she already knew all of this, and it didn't put her in much of a huff anyway. For now, all she wanted to do was reap as much attention from the big silver-furred tom as she could. So she smiled, a wolfish, strange little smile when she shook her head in disbelief.

"Neither soft nor hard? You seem to be a little bit of each. Maybe you're just confused." She laughed quietly, and twitched her tail idly. "I'd offer to help you sort that nonsense out but I'm a little confused myself." She felt almost shy around him, and it was baffling. Was it a crush? Or something equally as silly? She'd had those before of course, but she couldn't figure this out. Unlike some, Toxicwinter wasn't a particularly charming fellow, though his looks were fine it often took more than that to draw in Pepperbreath, and she wasn't even sure that was what was going on in the first place. It was a feeling unlike others she'd had, for while she felt drawn to him, she didn't desire his affection in return, and she certainly didn't expect it. Rather, she was simply curious. Intrigued by him, for some reason he had struck her. She wanted little more than to keep him talking-- to get him to open up because he was a puzzlebox, not an easy find like clan cats, who'd spill their boring-ass life story if you hinted at it. So when he spoke again, further reinforcing his distaste for clanlife and the position he'd been thrown into, she frowned.

"Boring? Playing with leaves? Sounds like utter nonsense. More excuses to bitch about being here, I think." The warrior barked, lashing her tail with a grin, "Anyway, come out with me. We'll find something exciting to do." She felt like an apprentice-- she felt like she was flirting, but not with a tom, she felt like she was flirting with danger. It was thrilling and, casting him a final glance she wheeled around and trotted out of camp, beckoning him as she went.

[MiNTY♥]

You keep making me weak, yeah, frozen and can't breathe

At the sound of the female’s icy tone he whipped around to look her in the eye with a glare that could have stopped a dog in its tracks. The scrawny little thing had no place addressing him the way she was and he growled faintly. ”Let’s get one thing clear, I am perfectly open to having a friendship with another so long as they aren’t total idiots, just because I don’t welcome any old thing that resembles a cat into my life with open arms does not mean I close myself off.” He growled. If it was the last thing he did he was going to make it clear that he could not be walked over and tossed around like crow-food. He turned his gaze away no longer wishing to look at her, at least for the moment. If he did not look at her face then he would be able to avoid hitting it with a paw which was best avoided. Despite the fact she had pushed his buttons there was still potential in her to be one of the few he did let into his life, at least he knew she was feisty which could be fun at times. ”Please, I am as scared as you are – unless you are more fearful than I first anticipated.” He snorted. A part of him was regretting wanting another to talk to because her interest in softening him up was annoying and her attempts were quite frankly going to be futile. Toxicwinter wasn’t going to change for anyone and he would always do what he felt was right and nobody else.

Finally, he sucked it up and looked over at her and luckily for her he no longer felt the need to give her a good smack on the face. At times his emotions and urges could come both quickly and unexpectedly, catching him off guard. More often than not he could control what he felt and take a moment to calm down but there was always the chance of an occasional slip-up.”Confused about what? Up until this point I have received the impression that you are sure of everything and you are certain that being in a clan is right for you. So if you are so certain then how can you be confused?” He replied. On one hand he knew he was pushing it a little and winding her up but on the other there was some fault in the logic of the female and he didn’t like having blanks. He was not your typical tom that would be scatter-brained and unorganized hence he did not like not knowing things because that meant that his line of thought was not in order.

”Clearly I am no longer in touch with my kithood which is why I no longer find it amusing to play with leaves, old boring Toxicwinter, what are we going to do with them?” He retorted a little sarcastically but not in a mean way. Before he realised what he was doing he had found himself following the female, maybe she should be the one with toxic in her name because she was like some sort of poison, infecting him and trying to make him have fun. It didn’t sound that bad though. ”So where are we going o wise one?” He asked, now in a slightly brighter mood.

words // 563
notes// catching upp

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[LYNX ♥]

pepperbreath
and she spoke words that would melt in your hands
and she spoke words of wisdom

He, of course, had a fiery retort at the ready, and while the little female heard him out fully, she did not dignify him with much of a response at all. Of course, she thought she was right (because she was) and he thought she was wrong (because he was a mousebrain). As far as the she-cat saw that arguement going, Toxicwinter would always be in denial about his shortcomings, and Pepperbreath would always be too blunt in revealing him, therefore their bickering about his flaws would be infinitely ongoing, and no one would ever know the better. So, instead of speaking up again with a peep about how very wrong he was about closing himself off, being fatally introverted, and hating just about everyone all the time, the dappled warrior just shrugged, and cast him a smug look.

"Fearful?" She snorted, shaking her head and looking away from his handsome features and instead out into the moor, "More like terrified. You're a fool if you can't come to terms with that, and anyone who isn't scared is either nuts, or an idiot. Everyone's got something to be scared of. Go ahead, deny it. I know better than to listen to your bullshit." Pepperbreath shrugged again, her rather insightful words occasionally tumbled from her mouth and surprised even herself, so without parting her maw again, she flicked her long tail across his shoulder and strung him along, sure she could tempt him with the promise of more sass. After all, she understood what he was saying about Zephyrclan. They were assholes in all the wrong ways. Occasionally pretentious, but never outright rude, which only gave them more excuses to stare down their noses at her when she made an uncalled for outburst. Of course Toxicwinter was experiencing the same thing. Though Havocflare, their current deputy, was also a rogue-turned clan, he was friendly and all that sort of thing. Toxicwinter, simply put, wasn't. Pepperbreath could recognize that and identify with it, though she claimed he was wrong, she could still sympathize with him. Not that she'd ever tell him that though. Sympathy was the last thing he wanted, she was sure. Hopefully he just wanted someone who wouldn't treat him like scum, and no softie either. Anyway, that was was she wanted, and there was a trickle of hope in her heart that they could share a friendship over that concept.

"Everyone's confused at times, I think." The female replied softly, not looking at him, but instead setting out into the territory, pleased that he was following. "Don't you think so? I mean, there's always those unanswered questions. Clan life is rewarding and beautiful, but you've gotta think that someone could live by themselves or with a single companion and be happy, right? And how do you know that's not the life for you, that there's something you've been missing all along and you've never truly been happy? I mean," She paused and laughed roughly, "I feel so left out in a clan-- you gotta know what I mean-- but at the same time I love each and every one of my clanmates. I think they love me too, because we're family. We live for one another, not just with. So I do think I'm happy for that. But something's missing, and I just never know what, but sometimes this hollow feeling just sneaks up and attacks me, and then I get confused. Following?" Pepperbreath wasn't even sure why she was opening up to this tom like this-- he certainly hadn't asked for it. Still, perhaps it was just because he was so shiny and new in her life. Someone out of the ordinary, as if that granted her permission to spill her every thought to him. The mottled feline cast him a sidelong flaxen glance, and wondered how he minded it.

"Nevermind," She snorted, "I'm just rambling shit I guess." She wanted to hide, and return to being just another annoying clan cat to him. Opening up was scary, and she hadn't realized it until she had done it. Scrabbling for her former self, Pepperbreath found her wall and pulled it up, once more separating herself from him. He would think she was weak now, sharing her thoughts and shortcomings. He'd know she wasn't as wise as she spoke, and he'd look down upon her just like everyone else, though for perhaps the opposite reason as her clanmates. She thought about making a cute little comment about his still being kitlike, or perhaps acknowledging her own kitlike tendancies, but instead stuffed away the thought and looked away from him in silence, carrying on through the sparse, snowy territory a little sullenly.

ooc// ahhh poor pepper, she just wants to be lubbed.

[MiNTY♥]

You keep making me weak, yeah, frozen and can't breathe

The large male snorted in disgust. ”Whoa there, just you slow down a second.” He responded with a sharp flick of his tail and a slight narrowing of his eyes as he turned to look at the female. ”You approached me therefore I am not insisting you listen to my bullshit. So don’t try all your feisty shit on me because that crap just won’t go down well.” He explained in his gruff tone. Pepperbreath certainly was not shy and that was for sure, marching over to him and lecturing him about what he can and can’t say to her. In his eyes he could say whatever he wanted to whoever he wanted. Obviously there would be consequences for whatever he said especially if he said the wrong thing to the wrong cat but he could deal with that. The fact about Toxicwinter was he said things as he saw them and he said what he really thought about them. He was maybe known for hiding the truth in very creative ways at times but he had never been known for being a liar. It was more likely that he would be known for being overly truthful than a liar. Yet with suspicious about him still flying around who knew what gossip there would be about him, and if there was gossip he would straighten those idiots out.

As the two ‘friends’ padded out of the camp he took a very short moment to glance over the territory. It was still a little unnerving for him to see mostly rolling hills exposed to all kinds of danger but his pelt helped him deal with the weather and his claws helped him deal with anything else. Then again he could be lazy now and use the medicine cat card to get him out of all kinds of trouble, yet it was very unlike Toxicwinter to avoid any kind of trouble and more like him to be running into it. Taking a few large bounds he caught up with the female and padded just by her shoulder, although it was a rather strange scene since his shoulder was much higher up. Nevertheless he was just in time to hear her next topic of conversation. Luckily for her he was intelligent because he was sure some of the cats he had known would find her mentally exhausting. ”Yes, yes, I’m keeping up.” He replied abruptly while going over what she had just been telling him in her head. ”Well you gotta try new things then, if you feel like something is missing and you don’t like it then you should do what you can to find out what it is and change that. I mean I’m not saying run away from your clan or anything if they make you partially happy but maybe you need someone close to you within your clan to fill that gap.” He suggested after hearing her out about her position of discomfort. Maybe he could be a good, although slightly awkward, shoulder to lean on. Most of the time he could give you an answer but it just lacked some emotion that was all. In a way he felt empathy with the she-cat, he had been rather happy being out on his own but there was that thing that she had described that was missing and made him unhappy. Joining a clan had been a big risk for him in order to find that thing but he was still feeling that discomfort. ”Easier said than done though.” He added with a mutter. The female then feel silent and he shrugged it off. He was beginning to grow used to her ever-changing moods.

words // 614
notes// wooooo

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!