so OBLIVIOUS ♡ [veil & panacea]

[Dawn]

They've bought the bullets and there's no one left to shoot.

I hope it haunts me 'til I'm hopeless, I hope it hits you when you go

All was still and quiet. It was a winter night, and the sun had been down ages ago, bringing cool darkness to Celestialclan camp. At first listen, the apprentice den seemed to be completely silent, almost ominously so. Perhaps this was because, tonight, four were missing from it's warm enclosure beneath the ferns and brambles. Still, upon listening harder, one could just hear the soft breaths of young cats, curled together, with room to spare. Squinting through the darkness, Veilpaw could make out his denmates; his two siblings, Rowanpaw and Dewpaw. Though bleary eyed, it wasn't hard to make out their features, as he knew them well; there was his brother, with a lean body and a ginger pelt, sleeping peacefully. Breathing a bit more loudly was his sister Dewpaw, a small, pretty tortoiseshell. The evening before, four apprentices that would normally have occupied the cramped den had been given warrior names. Glenpaw, who had become Glenshade; Rosepaw, who had become Roseblush; Shockpaw to Shockflare- and most prevalent, Crystalpaw to Crystalbreeze. That night, Veilpaw lay half awake, half asleep, thinking about them. Now that they were all warriors (he was ever so envious) he had only to share the den and the attention of the older cats with his siblings. Still, his fur brushing only Dewpaw's now, he couldn't help but miss them. Not just beautiful Crystalbreeze, whom had lain close by- but also the reassuring presences of all of the others.

They'll call us lonely when we're really just alone.

Thinking about them, the large gray tom had slipped into dreaming. Everything was black in his dream; he could see nothing. However, he could hear rain pounding vividly around him, and feel that his fur was damp and cool. He could taste, on the air, the smells of his mother and siblings- and he felt oddly safe and secure. Suddenly, however, everything was turmoil. He heard the wailing of kittens around him- and he smelt fear, rising in waves. He couldn't identify from whom it came. Veilpaw was struck with a jolting sensation- he struck out with his paws, and slammed his pads flat against the ground. Where he had expected to feel cool, rain dampened earth, he instead felt intense pain shooting through his leg and paw.

Veilpaw awoke to find that he hadn't been sleeping long; it was still night, and his siblings were both still asleep. He felt a warm, wet sensation in his right front paw, and lifted it to examine it as best he could. From between the ferns, shards of moonlight fell through, and from what he gleaned in the dark, a fat thorn was protruding from his paw pads. The sharp little object was soaked in a dark substance, and he assumed by its scent that it was blood. The tom confirmed this when he licked at it faintly, and tasted copper- however, he didn't continue to do so, but instead winced as the thorn twisted in his skin. "Oh, damn it..." He muttered quietly, yellow eyes flashing. The bleeding didn't subside, and so he stood, lifting his paw off the ground so as not to cause further pain. It was late, but hopefully Fawndance, their elderly medicine cat, would still be awake. He hated to bother her, but he also wasn't too proud to just let a thorn stick in his paw all night, thus risking infection by attending to it later. If his foot was injured, he was certain Hallowstar wouldn't allow them to train, and then who knows? He might be stuck in the apprentice den a whole lot longer than he'd bargained for!

Tired, but in good enough spirits, Veilpaw brushed through the dry ferns and out into the clearing. It felt odd, being the only cat there, and he shivered faintly. Then, glancing around, he hurried to the medicine cat's den, and crept quietly in. It was far darker in here, and he couldn't see nearly as well. He tried to discern just what the larger shadows across the ground were, but failed. Having done so, he paused a moment in thought, then whispered, "Fawndance...?"

WORD COUNT: 676 TAGGED: Panaceaheart (lynx) NOTES: I realized a little too late that the fact that they wouldn't want to wake Fawndance by talking would kind of ruin the fact that they need to talk for development. D; Maybe she could be out of the herb she needs to treat his wound, or cobweb or something, so she tells him to stay while she goes and gets some? but instead he wants to come and help? but then, idk if she'll want to be all alone in the dark with him... nevertheless i'm sure it'll be awkward and interesting xD

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[LYNX ♥]

panaceaheart
I’m stayin’ above the flatline, I’m ahead of the curve
take a piece of the sunshine with me on an all-night drive to another world x

It was high into the night perhaps, but the only way she could tell was the darkness about her, and that hardly meant a thing in the middle of leaf-bare, for it was now beginning to darken as soon as sunhigh used to strike-- something that never ceased to keep her in her deep swings of depression and fear. The dark was never kind, not to her, anyway. She'd heard of cats falling in love under the moonlight, and knew that her starry ancestors thrived among the deep azure tones of the night sky, but to her the sun relinquishing its vivid power and light into a cave of mystery that brought forth the night was little more than a bad omen, bringing with it memories she could never seem to shake off.

The night was a time for stealth and violence and the time in which predators caught and killed their pray while others slumbered soundly and peacefully unaware of the crimes being commited to the innocence. Perhaps it was this thought, and not the nightmares themselves, that kept the little calico female from sleeping. How could she, when she felt so haunted by the idea of others suffering like herself in that very moment? Ghosts from her past wouldn't stop shaking her awake with a start each time she began to drift off, and everyone in the clan seemed to know it. For this, she would almost be grateful for if she wasn't so embarrassed, for while they often didn't bother her when they caught her during a little nap during the day, she couldn't help being ashamed that she was neglecting her duties to her clan for the sake of her own elaborate veil of self-pity.

She was a disappointment, a useless lump in the clan that couldn't function without her sister or grandfather to defend her from the outside world. They did their best to keep her sheltered and happy, and this was something she knew well. Perhaps they didn't know she was aware of their intentions, but she was, and it frustrated her. How could she continue living in a clan like this? What would happen when Fawndance finally passed? Pounceflash? These thoughts rattled her conscience while she sat just inside the mouth of she and her mentor's den, bringing a familiar burning to the back of her throat while her big eyes glossed over with the cozy feeling of being so sad it was almost unbearable. It was practically a cycle, for each night the moon would rise and her clanmates would go to rest and Panaceaheart would come alive with everything that she kept bottled up during the day, and it was these times when it seemed as though every sad thought that had ever entered her mind would come rushing forth, bringing tears to her eyes.

Still, she rarely wept during these boughts of insomnia, for she didn't want to wake and worry her clanmates, least of all Fawndance who, without Panacea's constant help during the day, was kept quite busy. Rather, she felt shw was wallowing in her various petty sorrows, dwelling far too much on her trauma and too little on her friends and kin. She hated it, she was trapped and wanted out, but her mind kept her at bay and, digging her claws into the soft loam of CelestialClan earth, Panaceaheart gave a start, her eyes widening suddenly as she yelped, looking out to find a young tom creeping into her very own den! He was built and long-furred, though quite young still. Of course, he was one of Fatesong's. Squinting, Panaceaheart identified him as Veilpaw, one of the queen's two toms.

"V-Veilpaw, you'd b-best leave Fawndance to her s-sleep..." The small patched medicine cat whispered in reply, staring hard down at her own paws to keep from meeting his eyes, for she was certain that they were wide with accusation. Had he heard her whimpering to herself? Being pathetic? It was then that she managed to look up, her gaze hardening slightly-- he was limping, that was why he was here. How on earth had that happened? A thorn in the paw, probably, but why wasn't he sleeping? The she-cat had assumed only she and the four new warriors sitting vigil outside had been the only souls awake on that unforgiving night, but perhaps Veilpaw had been sneaking around. Up to no good, surely! Panaceaheart gazed worriedly at his clearly injured paw, which he seemed to be favoring, and took a hesitant step toward him, murmuring. "Um you've got a l-limp going th-there. Need someth-thing?" She asked him, meeting his eyes briefly before sliding over to where she and her mentor kept their herb stores, shuffling around leaves rather idly, waiting for his answer with something like apprehension dwelling in her chest.

[Dawn]

They've bought the bullets and there's no one left to shoot.

I hope it haunts me 'til I'm hopeless, I hope it hits you when you go

Veilpaw gave a start, a bit of his long, coarse gray fur standing up on his neck. Oh! How could he have forgotten? I must really be an idiot...! He had come seeking Fawndance, the medicine cat whom he and his family had come to trust so strongly, and hadn't even considered her apprentice. It wasn't that Panaceaheart wasn't of considerable skill in healing, and he was in no way discriminate against her. It was simply that at his first jolt of pain, he had pictured the strong, admirable cream female. Like any medicine cat, she was always there to heal the hurt, to aid the sick, to watch over the dying. She chided her clanmates when they refused treatment, and helped the queens through the births of their kits. Yes, she was one of the few older cats that Veilpaw trusted wholeheartedly. It was something he had gotten from his mother, Fatesong, of course, and it mingled curiously with his natural nature to be untrusting. Here was Fatesong, who claimed she owed her life to half of Celestialclan, and seemed willing to trust, to build, when she had seen so many horrors. Yet her own son, Veilpaw, scarcely trusted those that he knew were friends, despite the few experiences in his short life. To be honest, he was under the impression, in the beginning of his moons in Celestialclan, that at any time their place here could be yanked out from under them. When Fatesong had first told him he was not even a shred Celestialclan- fully a rogue, of Delirium blood- he had been at first confused and angry, and then slowly understood. This was why he had seen unfriendly stares from his denmates, and from the warriors. Still, he had no reason not to trust, and even wish to befriend, the medicine cat apprentice. He realized that now was the first time he'd ever spoken to her, despite the fact that he'd been an apprentice for a few moons now; but he had never seen her giving him cold looks, appraising him for being of rogue descent...

They'll call us lonely when we're really just alone.

Of course, Panaceaheart wasn't being the slightest bit friendly now, either. Once his rapidly beating heart had stilled, and his fur flattened, he turned to gaze at her with curious yellow eyes. Rather than meeting his gaze, she stared furiously at her own paws, even when she spoke, advising him, (with a stutter, he noticed), to let Fawndance sleep. What's up with her...? "Er, I've got a thorn..." He murmured in response, holding up his still bleeding paw. "Have I, uh, come at a bad time? All I really need is a bit of something to stop the bleeding," he frowned mildly now, "and then I'll be off." There seemed to be an awkward air to the den, and he wondered if he had done something wrong. But I can't have, I've only just gotten here. Veilpaw watched uncomfortably as the pretty calico took what seemed to be a very hesitant step in his direction. Does she think I'm going to hurt her? Perhaps he had been wrong all along that she hadn't put his family against him. Maybe she had experiences with delirium cats... knew that, like Fatesong had told him, they were violent... Did she think he was the same way? "Uh, yes, if you've got anything. That'd be great." Veilpaw's voice began questioning, but after she met his eyes and went to look through her stores he ended a bit stronger. "Sorry to bother you. There must have been a thorn in the moss when I drug it in." He felt the irrepressible need to apologize for something, since clearly the she-cat was upset. He had kept his voice low all the time, so as to prevent Fawndance from waking up. He could now make her out clearly, curled in her nest.

WORD COUNT: 668 TAGGED: Panaceaheart (lynx) NOTES: D'aww. c: I think Veilpaw talks more when he's nervous. And punctuates this talking with 'um, er, uh.' xD

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[LYNX ♥]

panaceaheart
I’m stayin’ above the flatline, I’m ahead of the curve
take a piece of the sunshine with me on an all-night drive to another world

In respose to his shock at her sudden appearance, she herself jumped back a little bit to no one's surprise. If there was any word one would use on her besides 'shy' or 'scared' it was most definitely jumpy. Like she was uncomfortable in her own skin, like her own tail was a snake posed to strike at any moment which of course led to a painful existance and, looking back at herself as if her tail really was to blame, the little female wondered how she made it through all these moons of pain without just offing herself, or something equally gruesome. Well, to tell the truth, the way she treated herself now was quite ghastly at times, as her self-loathing had recently reached new highs, and her insomnia too. Day it day by day, heartbeat by heartbeat, she had to remind herself when it felt like too much to handle.

Still, she couldn't help but let her thoughts drift, as usual, back to the days when she was carefree and unafraid, and now she was wasting her entire life behind a shadow of uncontrollable fear, so selfish-- a trait, if there was any, that a true medicine cat should never possess. She was a failure, a wreck, a broken mirage of her real potential simply because she couldn't climb over the past like any normal cat would. Perhaps she could have drowned in these horribly low thoughts as she did each night had it not been for the apprentice's presence jolting her back to the present, thankfully away from the quicksand that was depression. Now instead she faced a purer form of fear, and milder too. Veilpaw was a clanmate! He meant no harm, surely. Nevertheless, looking a tom in the eye, no matter his age, was a feat Panaceaheart rarely felt herself up to, so she kept her gaze roaming about her den, her home the tom had invaded.

"A th-thorn. Oh." She murmured absently, sifting through a mish-mash pile of leaves she had been fiddling aimlessly with earlier that night, now regretting it for the sake of organization, which her space now lacked. Still, she didn't want to seem awkward with nothing to do but avoid his gaze, so swirling about a pile of herbs with a forepaw was better than nothing as she let him go on with his predicament, wondering with faint curiousity if her own nervousness had rubbed off onto him, for he seemed more off-balance than most who wandered into her den demanding magical cures. Oh! he was very polite though, almost charming. She was glad he wasn't making this harder than it had to be, as they sometimes did. Couldn't they tell she was nervous enough? No probably not, not apprentices anyway. They didn't pay attention to anything, she thought with an inward chuckle. Mousebrains, the lot of 'em. A long moment stretched between the two clanmates after the furry gray fellow finished explaining his injury while Panaceaheart sought the proper leaf-- using her nose rather than eyes to gather up a few bits of bitter-scented burdock root, which she gathered in a small pile away from the rest of the mess.

"Right w-well have a seat then and l-let me t-tug th-that out for y-you." She meowed, taking an extra moment to collect herself before turning a bit too quickly and bumped into him, skittering back a ways with a squeak of shock. "S-sorry!" She yelped, then hastily collected her wits about her and hunched over his outstretched paw, spying the rather sizable thorn with ease. "Ouch." The pretty calico mumbled pityingly before a sharp intake of breath that she seemed to require before performing the quick operation-- yanking the offending bit of bramble out of his tender, slightly bleeding pad and depositing it safely out of the way on a dock leaf. "Sorrysorry.." Panaceaheart whispered with genuine sincerity in her soft voice as she went about collecting the necessary items to fix up Veilpaw's minor injury. She sought out the pale shroud of nothingness that appeared to be a collected wd of cobwebs, which she tore a generous-sized bit of fluff from and turned to press gently into his lightly bleeding paw. Awkwardly, she realized she would have to hold it there for him until the blood stopped oozing, and this close contact was truly the last thing she wanted that night. At least it wasn't quite as dull and terirbly sad as every other night.

[Dawn]

They've bought the bullets and there's no one left to shoot.

I hope it haunts me 'til I'm hopeless, I hope it hits you when you go

Silence rained down through the medicine cat's den, the only sounds that of the quiet rustling as Panaceaheart swirled about her herbs. Besides that, the air was stretched tight and thin between the two of them, both exceedingly nervous. Veilpaw did not want to watch her as she went about her business, for fear of her catching him, and thinking him rude. Instead, after letting his eyes wander over a myriad of areas, he finally began to study the sleeping Fawndance with what seemed intense interest. He had never realized how extremely important it was to rest one's eyes in just the right place before. If they were one place, it was rude, but if they were another, embarrassment crept over him. Perhaps it was simply the attitude of the healer that had changed everything, making him almost ill with anxiety. Perhaps she can give me something for nerves. He doubted he would be able to sleep very soon after this. It was all too likely that he would simply sit up, waiting for dawn to come, and licking his injured paw. If only Dewpaw were here- I'm sure she'd know how to act, and what to say. But, alas, his sister was asleep in the apprentice den, as he should be, not waiting to be patched up by a jittery medicine cat apprentice.

At her command, he promptly sat down without argument, still keeping his paw raised. Just as quickly, she turned around and bumped right into him, causing his heart to leap back into his throat. She seemed positively terrified by having been so close as to brush fur with him, which caused a pinprick of uncertainty to bloom. What was it, that created such fright in her? Was it really him? Did she know of his origins? He felt as if, somehow, he were being judged unfairly. Again, he wondered if he had done something to bother her, and forgotten about it. "It's... It's no problem." Veilpaw mewed, forcing himself to remain calm and still as she reverted to her duties. When she yanked out the thorn, her breath serving as a warning, he stiffened. From within his throat, a tiny cry bubbled up, but he stifled it before it could take shape. Best not to have every cat in the clan waking to find it had only been his cowardice that had caused the disruption. As Panaceaheart finished tending to his paw, he said politely, "Thank you. I'm glad you were awake, and able to help me." Once he was sure she didn't want him to move yet, so that the blood would stop flowing, he fell to silence again. If only I knew how to ease her discomfort, as she has eased my pain... "I owe you one. If you ever need any help, you can always ask me."

WORD COUNT: 474 TAGGED: Panaceaheart (lynx) NOTES: I couldn't think of anything for him to say to keep them from being completely boring at the end, so I decided he could offer his assistance for later on. xD

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!