help me figure him out ✄ - - -

[aero ❥]

So lately I've been having relationship problems. Honestly I've helped screw things up and after you read this you're going to think of me differently, so if you like the Aeron you know now stop reading. If you still want to continue on please try to have an open mind. Thank you.

I'm going to start this painfully long story the last day of school. He (my boyfriend) liked me almost the whole year without me knowing, and I liked him on and off half the year. My friend Lauren told me about a month before the end of school he liked me, but I didn't show I knew because he had told her to not tell whatever blah blah blah. So the last week me and him talked more since the grade had to stay in their homerooms and he was in my hr. SO ANYWAY last day of school was like a free day/with an assembly/with a dance at the end. So we hung out almost the whole day while we had the free time, his friends Justin and Brandon tagging along once in a while. I knew he liked me and like I said he didn't. Assembly time me and Lauren sat together, him, Justin, and Brandon following and sitting next to us. Brandon and Justin were asking me if I liked him, I kept saying I don't know because I got scared/embarrassed. (No one wanted me and my boy together btw, everyone - even lauren - expected me to do better.) So then me and Justin/Brandon started talking and I found out Brandon kind of liked me too, and I wasn't sure but I thought Justin was trying to flirt with me on top of it. So I had three guys that all were interested in me and they were all best friends. Seriously, how am I supposed to pick when I know someone would get hurt/jealous?

Brandon/Justin don't know I know he likes me, so they tell me and I'm like "Uh okay cool." and try to avoid answering if I like him especially since Lauren was right there and it would cause problems with our friendship if I showed I kind of liked him. (Since she thought I could do better.) He asked for my number and I gave it to him. After the assembly was the dance and the entire grade went to that, me staying far from Justin/Brandon as possible and hanging out with my other friends (who also didn't want me with him.) in the back by the benches. He was kind of friends with them too, and he wanted to be around me so he hung out with us until he was sent to the office for talking back to a teacher. (LOL) I didn't even notice he left, which is really sad but I was trying to not pay attention. What was worse was me and Danny (Another guy I had a fling with, long story too.) were hardcore flirting half the time, and I also flirted with Frankie (both were kind of his friends too.) a little. I admit it, I'm a flirt. (Runningfox) So the dance passed and I went home, later getting a text from him. We talked casually for a while. The next day he asks me if I want to go to Westgate, (place with 2 statiums, huge IMAX theatre, shops, food, ect. by my house.) with him and Justin. I'm like ohhh idk I want to butttt idk. Since his phone was broken and couldn't send or receive calls Justin called me and we talked about it with him, blah blah blah. My mom and I had just gotten into a very bad argument, and when I asked her if I could go she said "Oh, sure, but I'm going too." AKA a punishment. So I told them yeah I'm going start driving there. Right before I got there I told them my mom was coming but yeah, anyway. xD

He (boyfriend) was kind of shy and quiet the whole time, Justin being his normal funny loud self. Justin, for whatever reason right off made me feel awkward and stupid, and I couldn't find anything to say because I felt that way. Long part of the story short we left like an hour later and he texted me saying 'I would have asked you out if your mom hadn't been there.' blah blah. I said it was okay and that my mom is just a bitch like that. He wanted to ask me out over text but I prefer guys asking me out in person. (OCD about that.) So he kept pestering me about letting him ask me over text and I finally said yeah sure whatever (Planning to say no jokingly and tell him I would continue to say no until he asked in person.) ask me. He asked, I said no with a (: face. He didn't get it, and I didn't have time to explain because almost right away Justin started texting me asking if I said yes or no. I told him the entire situation and he was like oh. Then I made the mistake of saying 'And I kind of like someone else.' even though that wasn't completely true. I just felt like I needed another (better) reason. He started pressuring to tell him who, he called me, I wouldn't tell him until he said "I'll tell you who I like if you tell me who you like." and of course I was terribly tempted by the offer. xD So I agreed and he said my friend Nicole, and I was like "Oh my god okay KOHL.". Now understand me and Kohl had a thing (You must be thinking, How many guys does she have things/flings with goddamn!?) and it was very serious, I can say he was my first love. I would have done anything, anything at all for him. In the end I ruined it but that is another story. Besides the point, Justin was like "OHHH I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT."

At that time I texted Kohl (We were on talking terms still.) and asked if I should go out with Francisco. (Boyfriend.) He said 'No way you're waaaaaaaay too good for him just saying. (:' I took things he said and seriously considered them because...well I guess I hadn't completely stopped loving him and I still wanted to see him happy. So I told Justin (Who I was on the phone with.) what Kohl said and I - not thinking it through - said I kind of agreed. He exploded saying "You think you're too good for Francisco???" And I was like ohshit no not like that just that I had other options and idk if he believed me but I told him to not tell Francisco anything I had just said or who I told him I kind of liked. Texting Francisco again me and Justin got off the phone kind of heated. Francisco was at a graduation for his friend/cousin or something and texted me at the end saying 'Yeah we should go see a movie and Kohl can come.' Right then I knew Justin had told him SOMETHING and I was PISSED. I asked him why he would say that and he said Justin told him. I texted Justin like 'You bitch why the fuck did you tell him???!!!!' and he at first denied it until I said 'He told me you told him dumb ass' and then we started arguing hardcore. The argument ended with me saying something to the effect of 'Have fun in eighth grade' since his dad was holding him back since he was a year younger even though he could have passed. He told me 'Have fun fucking Mr. Grubler' Mr. Grubler being my homeroom/social studies teacher who liked me/looked at me. (Everyone knew he was a pervert and was like obsessed with me it was really obvious.) So I told Francisco about the fight and he said we shouldn't be fighting whatever. A week went by and me and Francisco kind of dated but then he said we should wait until we hung out to make sure it was what we both wanted. So we broke up after about 3 hours and went to a movie just me and him that weekend. (Priest actually.) Me and Justin didn't talk at all during this time. Middle of the week after seeing Priest Justin texts me trying to be nice and I'm like 'What do you want?' And he said he didn't hold grudges but if I wanted to be like that fine, so I felt kind of bad and was like 'Sorry :/ What's upp? (:' I told Francisco about this and he said to not text him, so I didn't because I thought Justin was tricking me or something. That weekend Francisco suggested him, Justin, and I go see a movie. (Rio) I didn't really want to go with Justin but him and Francisco were friends so I knew that if I was ever going to be with Franny (my nickname for him haha) I would have to learn to like Justin.

SOOO we got into the movie and sat down, a billion little kids around us. Not wanting to be around them we left and walked around Park West (where the theater was and also by my house) just goofing around and chilling. Me and Francisco were still just friends, though we acted like we were going out. Justin was looking pretty hot that day, and still made me feel awkward/stupid/nothing to say. So we sat at these outside cushion seat things under a fabric overhang...thing lol just talking. We tried to play Truth or Dare but since I couldn't think of anything to say because of Justin we stopped because I was 'No fun'. I was supposed to kiss Francisco as a dare though, but chickened out because I felt uncomfortable doing it with Justin there. Not to mention it would have been my first real kiss. (Real meaning lips.) He got frustrated with me (Justin) and stormed off, Francisco taking the time to ask me out, me saying yes. Chasing Justin down we cornered him in this alley by the movie theater, Francisco telling me to give him a hug to cheer him up. I was just realizing I KIND OF liked him, (I was more-so interested in physical things with him, since he was hot but I wasn't keen on his personality.) and felt bad since:

1) He was Francisco's best friend.
2) I had just said yes to Francisco!!

Though I was still attracted to him so of course I gave him a giant bear hug, it being weird since he tried to walk away but I held on and he dragged me. We ended up both laughing and that was when I think the first spark happened. After Park West, that night, we did a three-way on the phone and tried to play truth or dare again, me having nothing to say yet again because of the way Justin made me feel, so I didn't have to ask questions I just as to answer/do dares.

The next night we all did a three-way again - me not really talking - until Francisco had to go for a reason I couldn't remember. Justin called me back, asking me why I didn't talk around him. The strange part was, was that I had no problem talking to him without Francisco around. My answer to his question was "I don't know...you make me feel stupid." LMAO I felt so dumb after and he wanted an explanation but I didn't have one, and he also then noticed we spoke like regular people without Francisco around. When we hung up we started texting each other later that night, playing truth or dare by ourselves. This time I didn't have a problem thinking of things to type/say, so it was easier. Eventually we ran out of dares we could do over the phone, so we just played Truth. I still KIND OF liked him, but again it was mostly a purely physical attraction. My turn to ask a question I asked 'Do you like me at all? (Just wondering!)' To this he said yeah, kind of but you're my bro's girl. He asked me and I replied saying 'Kind of.' The conversation then went as so:

Me: What do you like about me?
Justin: You're cute, smart, funny (which is very good for a girl) and yeah idk I just do. What do you like about me?
Me: You're attractive, funny, and unpredictable.
Justin: Is Francisco predictable or something?
Me: Yeah, a little. It isn't a bad thing it just gets old sometimes. Ummm soooo jw would you ever date me?
Justin: Yeah if you weren't with Francisco. I liked you the last day of school and was going to ask you out but then Francisco did. Would you of said yes?
Me: Yeah. Why didn't you ask first?!!? lol jkjkjkkk Sooo have you had your first kiss yet?
Justin: Nope. :/ Wbu
Me: No. ):
Justin: I want to have it with someone who hasn't had it yet, you know?
Me: Omg me too!!! : P
Justin: Has Francisco kissed anyone yet?
Me: He said he frenched some girl before.
Justin: Ohh. Did you even want to kiss him at Park West?

Until now, I had wanted to kiss him at PW. But thinking about it, more and more I wanted to kiss Justin for a few reasons. He hadn't had his first kiss yes, he was attractive, and we were actually starting to get along.

Me: I guess
Justin: What do you mean did you or not?
Me: Yeah I guess I did.
Justin: How come you didn't?
Me: Well I was nervous because you were there and you make me feel stupid or whatever.
Justin: Oh sorry
Me: It's okay. So who's turn is it? lol
Justin: Uhhhhh yours
Me: Ooookay sure um...do you want to kiss me?
Justin: Yeah but you're Francisco's girl. Do you want to kiss me?
Me: Yeah kind of. :/
Justin: Oh. (Can't remember the rest.)
(Random questions then back to conversation)
Me: So are you going to the RioVista dance on friday?
Justin: Yeah probably are you?
Me: Yeahh. (: Watch out I might grind on you again lol jkk
(I had accidentally grinded on him last dance, thinking it was someone else.)
Justin: lol Are you going to grind with other guys now that you're going out with Francisco?
Me: No, that's messed up. Are you going to grind with some girls?
Justin: Maybe. Is Francisco even going?
Me: He says he might. (Earlier that day I'd been trying to get him to go.)
Justin: If he didn't go, and we just started grinding for fun, and then I said hey lets go somewhere quiet and took you outside if I leaned in would you kiss me?
Me: Probably yeah. You want to do that? (I was like omg am I really thinking this???)
Justin: Yeah do you?
Me: Yeah.
Justin: What kind of kiss lol?
Me: Wth lol um a regular one?
Justin: What do you consider regular lol
Me: lmao like a peck but longer?
Justin: Oh okay but don't judge!!!! I might now be that good : PPP
Me: haha I won't that's why I want to have it with someone that hasn't had their first kiss either because it's like what if I'm bad??
Justin: lmao Yeah that's how I feel. Who's turn is it?
Me: Yours.
Justin: Give a list of the top 5 guys you thought were hot in our grade 1 being hottest.
Me: 1 Kohl, 2 Jesse, 3 Danny (If he was bigger!!! lol he is too skinny), 4 you, 5 Francisco
Justin: You think I'm hotter than Francisco?
Me: Yeah
Justin: oh okay your turn.
Me: You give a list of the top 5 girls you thought were hot in our grade same rules
Justin: NOT IN ORDER: Nicole, you, Allison, Jayde, and honestly idk :/
(All three of those girls are my friends)
Me: Okay. Your turn.
Justin: ____________ Your turn
Me: What do you think of me now?
Justin: lol Umm not much different than before I like you more I guess since I've been talking to you. What do you think of me? lol
Me: The same.

It was past 12 AM so we decided to go to sleep, both promising to tell Francisco nothing of these plans. Thursday (Day before the dance) we find out he in fact can't go, and are kind of excited about this since that means we'll be kissing, though I'm still torn since technically I'd be cheating on the boy I was starting to love. (Me and Francisco have been talking/texting everyday as normal.) Thursday evening Justin tells me the dance has been canceled, and I'm disappointed I can't lie. So we three-way Francisco on Friday and he suggests going to the mall on Saturday. (Him, Justin and I) We all hang up, then Francico calls me back later and we talk a little bit. Not five minutes after I answer his call Justin texts me saying Francisco had actually 3wayed me with Justin and he was on mute listening. I think a few things.

1) Why would Francisco lie about being the only one on the line
2) Why would he want Justin to listen to our personal conversations
3) Justin had been the one to tell me the truth (Earning some trust from me)

So laugh and Francisco asks me what's so funny and I say "Haha, wow. Wooooow. Alright well I'm going to go." He says okay...? Why what's wrong and I say bye and hang up. Justin texts me asking why I hung up and then in a few minutes calls me. I tell him I hung up because I didn't like people tricking me and he was like oh. Sorry. (Earning more points for an apology.) And we talk about the mall thing. He says he has a 'plan' for us to be able to kiss at the mall while Francisco is there.

Me: Okay what is it?
Justin: OK so we play hide and seek around the mall, him having to count or whatever and we run off and go somewhere. We kiss. Simple.
Me: /laughs; Haha wow you're a mastermind. Such an amazing plan.
Justin: It was the only thing I could think of haha!
Me: Okay well I guess it could work. Do you feel....bad for doing all this behind his back?
Justin: Not really...it's weird. Do you?
(Honestly at the time it felt like we were doing nothing wrong, like it was natural.)
Me: I should, but I don't no. :/

The next day I ask if I can go to the mall with Francisco and Justin, I can but my special order volleyball shirt had came and we needed to pick it up. I said okay well hold on because Justin and Francisco had both started to text me. Francisco asked if I was going and I said yeah I think and then he said his 17 year old cousin Anthony was going and I was like WUUUT?! Then Justin asked if I was going and talked about our 'plan'. I started to seriously doubt the plan and felt horrible about what the plan allowed us to do. I mean, with another person going we would be more likely to get caught, and how could I kiss Justin with Francisco pretty much literally right there? I totally bailed on the mall and didn't answer any of Justin's 23 calls (exact number haha) and just went to pick up my shirt and ended up going out to lunch.
Francisco was sad I didn't go, but I figured it was worth him not getting cheated on. Justin was a little pissed but it was whatever. That week (Monday maybe) Francisco said for him, Justin, and I to go to Park West to just walk around. Justin called me after he found out the news and said we could do the hide and seek plan there, and I was hesitant but for whatever reason agreed. On the phone in a 3 way with Francisco and Justin Francisco canceled on his own plans, and (Justin edging me on) I said "It's okay, me and Justin can just go." He obviously knew something was up, and that night Justin slept over his house with Anthony. (Me and Justin ending up not going to PW.) Justin had canceled on Brandon for going to the movies, (Brandon knowing about me and Justin) so Brandon called up Francisco's house and was talking to him and Justin. (Francisco texting me the whole time.)

Justin and Brandon started arguing, Justin pulling Francisco aside saying "Just say I already told you and you didn't care or play it off." So Francisco did, not knowing what was happening. Later that night Brandon texted Francisco saying 'Did Justin tell you about the Kayla thing?' Francisco said no and Brandon said nvm then I'm not a snitch. Francisco asked Justin "What Kayla thing?" And Justin at first wouldn't tell him, then lying to him. Saying I wanted my first kiss with Kohl or some shit. (I don't remember.) So then Justin texts me saying 'DENY EVERYTHING' then minutes later 'Say it was Kohl' Or something like that. I do, not knowing what is happening, when Francisco calls me. He now knows/thinks I don't want my first kiss with him. In a way this is true, because I want my first kiss with Justin. Just the first one! I would kiss him any time after than, but just the first one I wanted with Justin. So Justin takes the phone from Francisco and goes into the backyard or whatever so he can't hear him, (Francisco knowing something was up) and he tells me everything that happened and I get mad at Brandon and we talk about other random stuff before Francisco gets the phone again.

When we get off and I'm laying in bed, I think about what I'm doing. Basically, I'm mentally cheating and almost physically cheating on a great guy; one that had been nothing but nice to me and treated me like a princess. One that I knew loved me and cared about me and hadn't even thought about other girls. And here I was, not wanting to kiss him, about to cheat on him, and at times wishing it was Justin that I was going out with. How fucked up is that? I feel so bad I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I drop over 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks. I consider 'drinking myself sober' as I like to say but I don't. The next day when I call him I tell him everything. Everything. Somehow he isn't even that angry with me, (or on the surface doesn't seem like it) but is PISSED at Justin. That evening I get a text from Justin.

Justin: WTF
Justin: You told him?!!!
Me: Why do you think that?
Justin: Answer the fucking question, did you tell him?
Me: Why
Justin: Did you tell him or not?!!??
Me: Yeah
Justin: Why???!
Me: I couldn't lie to him anymore.
Justin: Well you just ruined a friendship, hope you're fucking happy.

It was a about two weeks, no contact with Justin that me and Francisco were perfectly happy. I was stoked that he wasn't mad (Hell, that he didn't break up with me!!) and seemed like he forgave my mistakes. Then him and Justin started talking again. Justin being mad at me still, or at least ignoring me. Justin went over his house, would not talk to me when Francisco had me on speaker. A day or so later they went to PW, Justin not wanting me to go. Francisco called me on Justin's phone, Justin sometimes forced to talk to me. I felt like shit, and since I'd started thinking about him again the same want to kiss him started rising. I forget how we start talking again, but we text each other not long after the PW thing. At first it is casual small-talk. Then....well...

Me: I thought you hated me.
Justin: Why
Me: Because you wouldn't talk to me?
Justin: Well I don't
Me: Are you still mad about me telling?
Justin: Naw
Me: Then how come you wouldn't talk to me and acted mad???
Justin: Because I didn't want Francisco thinking we still liked each other.
(I was thinking wow...pretty smart.)
Me: ...Do you still like me at all?
Justin: A little but not really. Do you still like me?
Me: A little. (Searching inside myself, I found I wanted him more now, but I wasn't about to admit it.)
Me: So you don't want to kiss anymore?
Justin: Not really wbu
Me: I kind of do. (Mistakeeee)
Justin: Oh

After this we talked normally, as days passed talked on the phone time to time. As me and Justin started talking again, Francisco and I started fighting. About nothing important even, we just fought over the smallest things. He found out Justin and I were talking again and was instantly wary. I tried to convince him (and myself) he was the only one I wanted, that I needed, and that I didn't want to kiss Justin anymore. I wanted to kiss him. No one else. I wanted to believe this, so badly I tried, but inside I knew I still wanted Justin. Why? Because I have a record of wanting what I can't have. Simple as that. And Justin was what I couldn't have.

The weekend following this Justin and I were calling each other a lot, texting just as much. Sunday (Father's day actually.) Justin called me in the morning, and we talked. I'll admit that Justin and I have more in common, and find topics easier compared to Francisco and I. I felt comfortable with him and like I could tell him everything. And I did, and Francisco knew that and was jealous. That morning he was asking me a bucket load of questions about my relationship with Francisco, and I answered thinking it a little strange but I was just glad to be talking to him. (He took some of my stress away, being as funny and carefree as he was.) In the middle of us laughing actually Francisco texted me, saying 'Justin told me'. I was like "Francisco just texted me saying 'Justin told me', what did you tell him?!" He was like nothing!!!

Me: "Seriously Justin, tell me what you said."
Justin: "Nothing I swear!!"
Me: "Okay sure."
Justin: "No really, I swear to god I didn't tell him anything."
Me: /hesitates; "I believe you."
Justin: "Ask him what he's talking about!"
Me: "Okay."

So I texted him.

Me: What are you talking about?
Francisco: Justin told me what you said.
Me: /didn'tanswerrightaway; What did I say?
Francisco: You know.
Me: Uhhh no so tell me?
(Justin texts him as I read him our conversation, asking what he told him.)
Francisco: LOL got you back (; Told you I would!!
(I had tricked him like this before, him pledging he would return the joke.)
Me: Omg you scared me lol
(Justin telling the truth that he hadn't said anything scored more trust points.)

But then he realized I thought he was serious, and something happened that I don't remember, and he called Justin who was talking to me. He said he would text me and hung up to talk to Francisco. Fracisco texts me asking me something (I don't reply), then Justin calls me back saying he told him I said something or something as a joke and to play along with it, so here we are pranking Francisco back while he is worrying and we think it's hilarious. I want to take it further and mess with him more - at the time I was taking up Justin's carefree attitude - but Justin told me no don't. So I didn't, but we didn't answer his texts, either. So Francisco tells Justin to call him, and Justin tells me this since I'm on the phone with him. I say "3 way him and I'll be on mute so I can listen!!!" He agrees and I go on mute, Francisco answering and not having a clue I was listening.

Justin and him talk, Justin avoiding our prank that had no answer to Franny's question, and asked if he was going to break up with me. At the time I thought of course not for these reasons

1) I'd done way worse to him in the past, why should a little prank cause him to want to break up?
2) He loves me, and told me he wouldn't break up with me unless I cheated on him (and a prank was not cheating).
3) I couldn't fathom being without him.

So when Francisco answered, I was utterly shocked. "Yeah, maybe, I don't know. I just tired of her shit, she is really getting annoying." It was true, I had given him a lot of shit to deal with. It was true our prank was annoying. But just yesterday he had told me the opposite of these things, that I was perfect and that he wanted to be with me forever. I got angry, I got scared. I figured those comforting words had been a lie and that he had hated me for some time. (Overall I was getting played.) I was scared that he was going to leave me, because even though I wanted Justin I wanted him equally as bad, and I knew what I had with him was real and good and deeper than anything Justin was ready for. Justin was someone you could have fun with, someone who made you laugh and let you forget that you had problems or were sad. You felt like you could trust him simply because he was always there. Because he didn't seem to have a negative side, though he did get angry. And when he did somehow it was easy to forgive him and not take his harsh words seriously. But still, Francisco loved me where Justin didn't. And I loved Francisco too.

So I didn't want to be the one that got dumped, the one that had to hear "I'm breaking up with you," or "We're done," even "I can't do this anymore." and though I didn't want to be the one saying them, since I felt I had to pick what part I played right then, I picked the heartbreaker. Francisco having no choice but to be the heartbroken. Almost as soon as Francisco had said he was probably going to break up with me Justin said he had to go and hung up on him, me coming off mute. Justin asked me what I was going to do, and I said break up with him before he broke up with me. He didn't believe me, and we changed the subject by me asking him if he would go out with me when we did break up.

Me: "Will you go out with me after we break up?"
Justin: "Are you asking me out?!?"
Me: "NO, I mean would you want to!"
Justin: "Oh, haha, yeah sure. But at least 2-3 weeks after. You know, since asking you out a day or two after would be messed up."
Me: "Yeah, I understand."

I'm very OCD about girls asking guys out, me personally thinking guys should be the ones to ask out girls and not the other way around. But that's my belief. ANYWAY, I asked that because if I broke up with him and didn't have anything to fall back on, and found out I'd have to be without both the things I wanted....I just couldn't handle it. So I told Justin I was calling Francisco, - to break up with him - and he wanted me to 3 way him like he did. At first I thought it would be a douche bag thing to do, but I reasoned it was only fair to Justin. So I called Francisco, Justin on mute listening, and proceeded to talk to him. He still didn't know I'd heard him, and we talked a little bit about random stuff before I accused him on wanting to break up. He didn't deny it, and I said I think we should break up, or at least take a break (where we could see other people.) He said tell him what I decided. He got a call that was for his mom that he had to take, and asked if he could call me back. I said no (because I would be talking to Justin) and we hung up.

Justin: "See, I told you you wouldn't break up with him.
Me: "I am, I'm going to text my final answer."
Justin: "And that is?"
Me: "Hold on, lemme write this."

I text him that were going on a break, blah blah blah. I get off the phone with Justin and Francisco calls me a little later crying asking if we can still be friends.

I felt like the biggest piece of shit.

I texted Justin as I was talking to him saying 'omg he's crying' which I meant in a surprised/shocked way, but I'm still not sure how Justin took it. I told Francisco we could still be friends and that we would probably get back together and not worry. All of this drama to kiss Justin. Was it worth it? Looking back, fuck no. Shit, I wouldn't have even talked to him if I knew what it would cause almost 2 months later. Anyway, I got off the phone with him and called Justin, and I told him we were on a break. He then told me he was going to call Francisco, and wouldn't let me listen so I was like "Okay whatever." and we hung up. I stilled cared for him, I worried about him, we still talked and texted normally. We had had plans to hang out the next day, but since we were on break Justin and I decided to go to Park West instead. I told him this, which I shouldn't have, but I wasn't exactly clear minded. Of course he must have been jealous/felt like shit, since he must have known what Justin and I were wanting to do. Hanging up on him when Justin called, Justin said he wanted to pull an all-nighter on the phone. I told this to Francisco too, and he texted back 'Well, I'm going to sleep. Have fun pulling an all-nighter with your lover.'

Though terrible, talking until 1 AM with Justin had been quite fun. We found out we had more stuff in common, while me and Francisco took forever to think of something to talk about Justin and I had no trouble in finding a topic. We both even got thirsty at the same time. This only led me to like Justin more. The next day our schedules contradicted one anothers', and my parents didn't like him already, so when I asked them it was a quick no. He had asked not to tell Francisco of our plans but that was too late. We talked Tuesday and a little Wednesday and since I haven't spoken to him or texted him even once. Me and Francisco got back together that Friday and pretended like we hadn't went on a break, celebrating our first month together that June 30th. A month and five days later we've nearly broken up several times, we argue often, and I've learned that the entire ordeal effected him more than I could have guessed. He says he can forgive it but he isn't sure if he can forget.

Since I've done nothing to cause him distrust towards me, I've barely looked at another guy and I don't want anyone but him, and that is the truth. But he has had unbearable mood swings, insensitive to some things and taking others far too seriously. He often threatens to hang up on me and has become increasingly pessimistic about our relationship. He has formed a short tolerance and an even shorter fuse for his patience. He gets angry and is disrespectfully sarcastic. He calls me a bitch or a retard or something of that nature and waits to tell me he is 'just kidding' until I get upset and then is irritated by me for feeling disrespected. He overreacts so much...for example:

His cousin who is staying with him from Mexico looks, well, Mexican. She doesn't have a dark skin tone but it isn't totally light. She comes up in one of our conversations, and somehow he mentions that she is part German. I'm like "No way! She is German?!" He is like "Yuppp!" I was like "No way...no she isn't..." "Yes she is...!" "I don't think so babe..." He blows up and goes to ask her, she says she is and I'm like "No way that's cool! " But then I hear that he is actually angry with me for not believing him. He tells me I don't trust him and says "Well since you don't trust me I'mma go." which means he is going to hang up. Seriously? He thinks I don't trust him because I had a hard time believing she was part German? And he gets MAD?

He does this everyday, about all sorts of things. And truthfully I'm tearing up writing this because it breaks my heart to think I've lost the sweet boy who first asked me out. What hurts worse is that I think I'm the one who changed him, with my mistakes with Justin. I'm not a perfect person and I'll admit everything I've done wrong but Jesus I never thought pay back would come in such a brutal form.

If you read through this, thank you. Maybe I wasted your time, or maybe you enjoyed it somehow. I don't know. What I do know is I need advice, now that you know the whole story. Now that you can understand what the last two months have been like.
Am I a bad person?
Should I break up with Francisco?
Why do you think he is acting this way?
Do you think he will ever return to normal?
Is there any hope at all for the relationship?

I love him, I really do. But maybe love isn't letting me make all the right decisions, so please, help me.

[LYNX ♥]

I am
BY NO MEANS
an expert on relationships or advice on pretty much anything ever. but you're my friend and I think I'm obligated to post here and at least give my two cents.
obviously you're not a bad person and I bet everyone who knows you would agree, also this doesn't like, dramatically change my perspective of you or anything silly like that! really I think the main problem in this situation is you not acknowledging (or knowing) what your priorities are. I'm not gonna answer the last four questions but I think maybe if you pretend you're francisco throughout this whole situation you can for yourself. I dont know, I just think you need a change of perspective and to look at this from a different angle, and then maybe you can figure this out (because these don't really seem like questions that strangers from the internet or even friends can answer for you).
thankfully (if I'm not mistaken) you're going into highschool this year, right? because while highschool obviously has plenty of cons, it has a lot of pros as well. if it's anything like my school, you'll meet a lot of new people, all different grades and and that. it really does help to see new faces. this problem will blow over because once you figure it out you'll probably realize that in the whole scheme of things it won't matter in a couple years.
and uh, I guess that concludes my two cents? I hope you find it at least a LITTLE helpful.
also I guess it's sort of my philosophy and I say it to pretty much EVERYONE who is struggling (because I'm not very creative? or I just heavily believe this) but almost all rough patches smooth out. you know? you just have to keep going in whatever direction you feel is right.

[aero ❥]

Thank you Lynx.
I'll take all that into consideration and try to put myself in his place.
Yesterday we started arguing, him saying my parents didn't like him when I know at least my dad does. Then he said he didn't want to be in a relationship where the girl's parents didn't like him, and I thought right there it was the end. But I got us to talk and I found out some things.

He has this friend named Hayden who he used to like and she used to like him, her and Justin also liked each other. Anyway, Francisco is very good friends with her still.
I have a good friend named Austin who recently moved due to a modeling contract (or something idk) and we were equally as close, and we both liked each other at one time as well.

Back to the point, yesterday in our little therapy session he admitted he kind of liked Hayden again, but that he loved me and I was all he needed and he didn't know why he kind of liked her again. Later saying he thought he just liked her as a friend. One of his other friends named Maria had called needing advice and I let him take it, since he asked if he could or not.
During that time I texted Austin just saying hi, whatever. Francisco called back like an hour later and said he was sorry but he had gotten another call too besides Maria. Guess who? Hayden. I used to be the jealous type, but now I don't care and only want him to be happy. I didn't even react to the news that he had talked to her, saying I didn't care because that was the truth.

Then he asked if I'd talked to anyone, and I very hesitantly told him I'd texted Austin, since he has always been wary of him and I. Unlike me who took his news of talking to Hayden calm and relaxed, he instantly got mad and wouldn't talk to me. I asked him what was wrong, and he said "Every time we get into an argument you run to Austin right away!" this statement is completely false.

1) We hadn't even argued when we got off the phone, he had wanted to console his friend Maria.
2) I hadn't even texted/talked to Austin since he left, which was the 29th. Since then we've had plenty of fights.

I automatically guessed why he was upset and outright asked him. "Are you jealous?" He said yes. I told him I didn't like Austin and why was he acting this way when he himself had talked to Hayden just a few minutes ago. I didn't call Austin up ranting, I simply texted him a hello.

Really this has nothing to do with most of what you said Lynx, and I shouldn't really take this situation to Anarchy but I just need to vent. Since he thinks venting to RL friends is wrong, I guess I'm using the internet as an penalty free escape.

[lily ♫]

ohmigod, aeron, i totally wish i could come up with some sort of advice, but i really don't know what to say. if i think of anything, i will let you know right away. i'm so sorry for you and francisco. D: