ghosts from your past. {dunesplash}

[Dawn]

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves.

{ I GUESS I'VE JUST NEVER HEARD silence QUITE THIS LOUD. }

A warrior. Ever since Islandsplash had said that she could become one, not just that she would, she had known she was ready. You will make a great warrior filled with knowledge, courage, strength, confidence, and love. Those words had made her heart swell, a season before; and now, they made her throat close painfully, and her stomach tighten with feelings of regret, desire, and most of all, love. Love for everything that she had, so strongly. She couldn't have asked for a better mentor to love than Islandsplash; nor more supportive cousins. But even through it all, the passion she felt for all of the warriors that she now shared a den with, even all of the joy she felt to have come so far... she was willing to throw it all away, because she loved a cat whose name she no longer even knew. She loved gentle, benevolent Dunepaw, that much she was sure of. If not the Zephyrclan tom himself, she loved their friendship, their talks, and everything he had represented in her youth. He was still that now, even when so many new responsibilities were being thrust upon her. With every welcoming as a warrior, she accepted these responsibilities, and took them upon her shoulders, finalizing the act as she kept vigil that cold night a moon before. She wasn't Splashpaw anymore, able to have a paw over the wrong border and not worry about it; she couldn't play kit games in the nursery, chasing her cousin Hailghost's tail until he nearly battered her ears. With the chanting of that name and on, she had to uphold her honor as a warrior of Tempestclan. She was Splashmist now... and there was no going back.

Rewind to a moon ago. It was evening, there was a chill in the air, and every cat knew it was leafbare. But they weren't mourning, feeling cold and dread. They were celebrating, because that night, three young cats were being made warriors. Splashpaw, and her two brothers, Jaypaw and Maplepaw. Voidstar was still looking strong, despite how hard a hit he had taken during the battle against Celestialclan. Perhaps that was why she was being made a warrior, with her brothers. They had fought hard to defend the clan, and she had fought relentless of the fact that her cousin had murdered a Celestialclan warrior- Jaspersun. Not long, and the ceremony was done; it could have been the time it took her to eat the small blackbird she had selected that morning, and yet Splashmist would remember it the rest of her life. Her brothers were no longer allowed to be immature, boasting apprentices; they were Maplefrost and Jayleap now. They had an honor to protect. More than ever, they were full blood of the clan, and they were the proudest they could be as they accepted Dreamfeather's greetings and, then, sat vigil, one on each side of Splashmist. She would never forget that night; feeling cold as she sat beneath the stars, but not alone; no, in terribly good company, the spirits of her ancestors wreathing around her, seeming to whisper their good wishes into her ears. Somewhere in the middle of it all, she had touched noses with her former mentor, and heard Hailghost promise he would set her up a nest for the next day. Splashmist had never felt so close to her clan, not since that night under silverpelt, not since the next when she slept among the warriors for the first time.

It had taken all of her will to bring her here now. To the glacier. To him. They had met four times in all; always, lately, at the glacier. There had been hastily made plans at the last gathering, their last as apprentices, to meet this day; the day of the halfmoon. Today, they would meet as totally new beings, as warriors. The days before had passed by slowly, with her sleep uneasy, and many nights restless. She was told to enjoy this lull in activity, to become used to being a warrior, before she was experienced enough to be given her own apprentice. Splashmist knew that would be some time; there were no kits now, and no warriors expecting that she knew of. That was alright, though; the gray tabby warrior wasn't sure she was ready to mentor. She knew she could never be as strong, as trusting, as Islandsplash had been. She wouldn't want me to put myself down that way. Even as a cold wind bit through her fur, giving her chills throughout her body, the young warrior smiled. She could imagine her orange pelted mentor sternly telling her what a fine mentor she would be when the time came. But I'll never be as good as you, Islandsplash. Tell me what you want, I'll never have your skill!

Splashmist checked the sky for what felt like the hundredth time, tilting her head upward. As she watched, her green eyes filled with the reflection of a pristine half disc. Moonhigh. That was the time they had agreed to meet, at the glacier. Thinking this, with all of the weight that had been fully upon her shoulders the past few moons, that was the moment that broke her. Splashmist gave a very soft cry, looking away from the bright half moon. "What if he's changed his mind? What if he doesn't come at all? What if he's different? What if I'm different?" She wanted to shout the many 'what if's' to the heavens, but instead all she could bring herself to do was whisper them. If only someone was here, to answer her. If only Islandsplash could know. She thinks I'm a devoted warrior. But I'm wretched! Sinking to a strained crouch, her paws cold on the snow, Splashmist looked down at the white beneath her and felt completely hopeless. "What if it's not worth it?"

WORD COUNT: 975 TAGGED: Duskeh Huskeh (Dunesplash) only NOTES: xD I hope this isn't too dramatic/sad for ya.

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[Dusk]

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[atrb=background, i339.photobucket.com/albums/n480/Shardclaw/sablewithborder.jpg] This was not what being a warrior was supposed to feel like, at least, it probably wasn't supposed to be this way. Slinking quietly across the all too open moors of his clan's territory, jumping nervously at every snap and crack he heard, not to mention all this was taking place in the middle of the night. It was nerves and stress and more nerves, and it had gotten worse ever since he'd become a warrior. There had been some lenience before, in fact probably more than the usual apprentice as it seemed Runningfox had never much been there for him. Heh, that flirtatious tabby could never spare much time for him, it seemed, when he was off with Orioleflash or some other she-cat so often. How often had the dark feline gone off training by himself? How often had he once more mourned the disappearance of his first mentor? The unpracticed warrior still dreaded his first true battle, when what little skills he had in fighting would be tested. 'I'm a warrior now, it won't be considered harmless play if it's ever discovered that I'm meeting with someone from another clan.' Just the thought caused the lanky cat to cast a nervous glance over one shoulder with green-caste eyes wide in panic. He'd visited Splashpaw -'That's probably not her name now, anymore.'- four times previously; two of the meetings had been at the glacier. The journey never got any easier, though. The fact that, as a warrior, his choices might be considered treachery only made the journey that much more nerve wracking. As he stepped quietly across the white powdered turf, his mind drifted quietly back to one moon earlier. His ceremony had neither been particularly gratifying nor extremely memorable. He had done nothing great, there had been no massive praise from his "mentor". The young tom actually thought that Paintedstar had simply decided he'd been an apprentice for far too long. After all, he'd been roughly fourteen moons old already. He couldn't begrudge his piebald leader, though, with all the recent chaos. A battle between two nearby clans had made things tense, and then there was the reappearance of the former deputy, Ripplesurf, which had served to strain the poor she-cat further. He was glad she'd at least remembered his existence. Still, there was something saddening about the whole ceremony. Maybe it was because he'd had high hopes, dreams of joyful cheering by his clan mates and a mentor whose eyes brimmed with pride. The cheers had been there, but they'd sounded half-hearted to him. None had been particularly excited; likely he wasn't the greatest warrior they'd seen. Oh, it's just Dunepaw becoming a warrior. Still scrawny, still weak, not to mention he hasn't shaken those foolish ideals of no battle. Firepaw and his siblings have much more prowess. Hooray for Duneshade, our least impressive warrior. Sable paws stopped, snow crunching quietly beneath his paws as he braked, and lowered his head momentarily with a sigh. Maybe he was wrong, overreacting, but it never felt that he was much loved by the clan he worked so hard for. Admittedly he wasn't much to look at, still tall and leggy -although he'd finally grown into the spidery limbs- and with not much bulk on him. Starclan knows how long he might have stood there pointlessly, but his pads were growing numb and starting to ache with cold each passing minute. The near-black cat began moving forward again. Duneshade raised his gaze toward the sky in quiet contemplation, doubt and worry nagging even as he sped up his pace to a trot to avoid being late. What if she didn't care for him anymore? She was probably a warrior now too. With her own clan to care for, and she probably had friends she truly wanted to please. Maybe there was another tom. Strong and handsome, and always confident. Nothing like him, a nervous gimp. The cat still wasn't sure what the silver-gray tabby had seen in him, although he knew what he saw in her. A beautiful she-cat who dared to be different from the others in her clan. She didn't live to be bloodthirsty and harsh like so many of the other Tempestclan warriors. And yet she was still skilled and strong in her own way, unlike himself; in his eyes, she was a gem. 'What would she say if I asked her what she likes about me?' He hardly dared to wonder, nervous at the many possibilities. The warrior was through the tunnel now, a dark shape hard to see against the inky blackness of night only half-lit by the silver orb overhead. The frost of the glacier sent chills up his legs, his fur thin even in winter, but he ignored the trembling of his muscles as he spotted a familiar form silhouetted by the shadows. Dark tail arched over his head in greeting as all the doubt and worry momentarily drifted away. "Splash!" he called out as loud as he dared, not using her full name in part because he didn't know it anymore but also because he felt close enough to the other feline that full names needn't be used. He hadn't realized her distress at first, in his elation at simply seeing her once more, but now he noted how she was crouched over uneasily. "Have you been waiting here long? Did something happen?" Duneshade nosed her gently, part confused part worried.

[Dawn]

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves.

{ I GUESS I'VE JUST NEVER HEARD silence QUITE THIS LOUD. }

That last thought was all she could bring herself to voice. What if it's not worth it? What had she meant? Even she didn't know. Was it worth meeting the Zephyrclan tom, against the wishes of her family and clan, and against the rules set down by the warrior code? Perhaps that wasn't what she had meant. Maybe what Splashmist was really wondering was, was she worth it? Dune, Dunepaw, whatever his name was now... He was everything to her, when he should have been nothing. He was... well, perhaps not just like his clan members, but he still represented Zephyrclan, in her eyes. He was free, like the wind on the moorland, dedicated and determined and steady and yet, playful. Imaginative. He was special. To her, and, perhaps, to others in his clan. They had never talked about their family before; surely he knew that the deputy was her cousin, but that was all. Did he have a family? Siblings, like she, that wanted to protect him? He was two moons older than her, far more deserving of his warrior name than weak, inefficient Splashmist. Perhaps he... had already taken a mate? It was not unheard of for apprentices to become mates as young warriors, she knew. It had been done in her clan and perhaps it also happened in his. She had never said aloud how strongly she felt about him. Before this night, it had always torn her apart; but never so horribly. Never had she ached so badly to see his familiar dark brown shape appear, long legs taking the fresh snow with a powerful stride. It had been so easy, as an apprentice, not to take him seriously. After all, neither of them were anything special. He had a dully colored pelt and pale golden eyes that surely Cherrypaw would have found less than attractive. But... no. To her, his gaze held intelligence, and quick witted humor. Perhaps he was not as handsome as Aspenpaw, or Flamestripe; not as rare and unique in appearance. But to Splashmist, he was something else entirely. She could have spent an entire moon, talking to him and looking into his flecked eyes, and surely wouldn't be tired of listening to him yet. With Aspenpaw, the tom she had shared a den with for only a few moons... Well, she could scarcely bare to hear him!

The air was cool and still around her lowered head, and Splashmist had since subsided the studying of her paws; she was too moved by the studying of her thoughts, an ever present argument in her mind. In the way only silence can be shattered, his voice seemed to break the spell on the snowy clearing, sparsely sheltered, and bring the gray tabby out of her trance. Looking up, she caught sight of the other apprentice- no, the other warrior- coming toward her, and immediately all thoughts of worth were forgotten. What was the use in wondering whether she was worth it, when she wanted so badly to be? If she could just be happy for a few moments, even if he was coming to tell her he didn't want to see her anymore... That would be beautiful in itself! Splash! He hadn't used her warrior name, but that didn't puzzle her, as he didn't know it yet. Feeling as though she had kept a piece of herself private, she watched him draw nearer, tail leaping to action in covering her paws. "No..." She tried to be happy, for him, and it wasn't hard; she was simply so glad to see him, it was nearly impossible to hide. But even so, her smile was tentative. "I'm alright, Dune." Her tone was reassuring. She hated to see him confused.

Taking a small step back, Splashmist dipped her head and then met his eyes. "Voidstar... named me Splashmist." It felt strange, to be introducing herself to a cat she felt knew her best of all. "Have you been made a warrior?" It seemed very likely that he had, she was sure he was far more talented than herself. "What is your name?" Her depth of interest was obvious as she gazed at him, awaiting response, before stumbling on. Splashmist found that her mind was often like a butterfly on a spring day; it deigned to light on one topic for only a short time, before flying onto the next with little regard for anything else around it. "Are you okay?" She felt uneasy; it wasn't like her, to be so restless, scuffling her paws in the cold snow and meeting his gaze, only to look away again, regretfully. All of the questions, both left unsaid and unanswered, seemed to hang in the air between them. Summoning a deep breath, Splashmist summed it all up quietly. "I've missed you."


WORD COUNT: 800 TAGGED: Duskeh Huskeh (Dunesplash) only NOTES: I couldn't figure out how to play her so I literally had her feeling odd and not like herself. xD

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[Dusk]

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[atrb=background, i339.photobucket.com/albums/n480/Shardclaw/sablewithborder.jpg] As he waited for the she-cat to reply, the tom felt nerves tying his stomach up into knots, and those knots making themselves knots too. What had happened to distress his friend like this? Had he made her wait to long, got her nervous he wasn't planning on coming to their usual meeting? Maybe something had happened. Back in her clan's camp, on the way here, or even truly on the glacier, anything could have happened in that stretch of time. Could it just be their chosen place to meet each other? After all, the glacier wasn't the nicest place, especially not in leaf-bare when the cold winds and fresh snow made the chills worse than they already were from sitting on ice. As he thought about the weather, he could feel the discomforting pricks of numbness working at his paws once more. It wouldn't be long before he had to shift and start moving to get fresh blood flowing in his paws, and work his muscles back into warmth. It could just be the cold making her feel... however she was feeling, the younger warrior hadn't mentioned precisely what was wrong yet. He felt a purr rising in his throat as he met that mixed blue and green gaze with his own yellow one. The golden sun meeting the swirling ocean of aquamarine. There were times when the warrior could only laugh, inwardly of course, about the physical differences between the two of them; made all the more obvious by the night. His own coat, swarthy and shadowy in the darkness, hers washed bright silver by the light of the moon. They were both similar, though, in their standing in their respective clans. Neither of them were much respected by their clan mates, they were different compared to the others. At least, they had been. Duneshade still felt as though he was, warrior or not, but maybe Splashmist didn't feel the same as she had previously. Doubtless, the tom knew he had questioned many times whether or not meeting the she-cat was the right thing and in the end always decided that she mattered more to him than his clanmates. Was the petite tabby having more trouble deciding what was the right thing? After all, she had family in the clan to consider, probably a better mentor too from what she'd previously told him of the half-clan warrior. Duneshade had no one, his mother taken by the sickness a couple of moons before he'd been made a warrior and his father having moved away from the clan at some point. As for Runningfox? That pale tabby had done nothing to make himself a father-figure in Duneshade's eyes. Listening to the she-cat, he tried to gauge her mood by the slight smile which had turned upward on her maw. She seemed... alright, though he wondered if he saw a trace of unease in her features. There was no chance, however, for him to ask any further questions, as she had taken the reigns of the conversation for herself. 'Splashmist,' he repeated in his head, he liked the graceful name. 'Beautiful name for a beautiful she-cat. He felt his head bobbing in a nod to answer the next question. "Paintedstar decided that I'm Duneshade now." Not too odd, really, at least not when he gave it a little thought. Although it was dusted lightly with the fine snow, his sable fur still blended fairly well with the darkness of the shadows. What did it matter, though? A name was just a name, after all; if it didn't signify his being a warrior then it would make little difference what others called him. Once more the tom was struck by the negatives of advancing from his apprenticeship when most would be thrilled. There was a brief moment where the cat flashed back to his first days as an apprentice, when all he could do was eagerly await the time of his ceremony. They'd had a different leader back then. 'A lot has changed in these past moons,' the tom realized, unhappily, 'and not just myself.' Whatever the case, the warrior tried to shake off the dark thoughts and focus more on the cat he cared so much for. "Me?" Duneshade replied with some confusion once more lacing his tone. It seemed Splashmist was having trouble keeping on any one topic this moon-high. There must have been something bothering her, regardless of whether she admitted to it or not. "I'm fine, more or less." The tom shrugged, his bitterness at clan treatment was nothing worth burdening the tabby's mind with. "I'm a bit more concerned about you. Seems like there's something eating at you," he added after a moment. He wasn't precisely sure how to go about saying, "you're acting odd today" in an unoffensive way. The tom was still considering how to approach the topic, when the intake of a deep breath interrupted his thoughts. Bright eyes looked up with concern as the words spilled from her jaws, quiet and soft and forcing him to strain to make sure he heard correctly. "I-I've missed you too," his own words were a low murmur. There was a moment's hesitation as he leaned over to be sure he met the other's gaze. "It's hard, isn't it? Going behind your clan's back to meet with a tom not even from your clan?" There, the words were out. As much as he feared saying them, feared the response he might get, he'd spoken.

[Dawn]

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves.

{ SO CLOSE NOW;; I am so close now to walking away }

A chill wind blew through the barren, snowy field, and crested over the edge of the glacier. She ruffled her gray fur against it, feeling the thicker winter pelt she had begun to grow in. Over the past few moons, their meeting spot had begun to seem more and more like a bad omen in itself. This was especially true as leafbare had dawned on the forest, sending everything into a heavy winter sleep. Perhaps the glacier, meeting spot of all the clans, wasn't so bad during Greenleaf; but now, it was desolate and, in some ways, almost sinister. Splashmist had a hard time feeling positive about what she had been working herself up to saying for the past few moons now that she was standing here. It was alright to think she would do something later, while curled up between her cousin and former mentor in the warrior's den, but then coming to the glacier, looking into his eyes, and doing it was harder than she ever could have imagined. She might have wished, pathetically, to be flanked by Hailghost and Islandsplash, or even Dreamfeather; but this wasn't for their ears. They could never know what she wanted to say to the Zephyrclan warrior. What she felt for her friend. The thought made her go numb, and her paws seemed frozen to the spot, unable to meet any of the challenges she had set for herself. Splashmist realized, after a brief moment of panic, that she had begun to lose circulation in her paws. Drawing up first the left, she allowed it to hang limply forward, then gave it a shake, and, moving slightly backward, stamped the ground with her paw a few times. This seemed to work well, so she did the same with the other paw, and then stamped at the ground with her hind feet. In her right back foot, she felt a tinge of pain with the movement; during the battle with Celestialclan, a younger gray tom had caught her mid-kick and bit down hard on the pad. It was still quite sore, but she had ceased walking with her weight off of it.

{ I'M SO CLOSE NOW;; I can't sleep I'm dreaming way too loud }

Hearing a purr rumbling in Duneshade's throat, she couldn't help but let a genuine smile rest on her maw. Even with everything, all of the difficulties, all of the problems... She could forget about it all when she was with him. It was so easy to just forget, to let things be less than serious. To be apprentices again. But we can't be. Splashmist remembered sadly, as he spoke his warrior name, bringing it home for her. "Duneshade..." She murmured the name very softly, more to herself than to him. The name fit him, she thought; it fit his spirit, in ways that she couldn't quite name. She couldn't have picked a better warrior name for him herself, though. Certainly it might have been for looks, his dark, sable coat; but she liked to think of the shade itself, rather than the shades of darkness. Splashmist imagined the tall, proud tree that was Tempestclan camp; the sun always allowed it to cast a long, wide shadow. The cats often avoided this shade though, for there could be snakes, ready to bite, lurking within. The gray tabby could not fear it, however, for though it might hold danger, the shade also often fell on a patch of wild violets. Here, butterflies liked to light, if only for a few moments, and she watched them with pleasure. Perhaps this wasn't exactly a perfect metaphor to describe Duneshade. Though he didn't seem to see it, he was tough; not some little flower, hiding in the shadows. Still, she couldn't help but think of this when she heard his name. It was like the stars and the night; because she adored to gaze at silverpelt, she couldn't fear the inky blackness that surrounded it, as others might. Because she cared so much for Duneshade, she would risk everything she had to make it work.

{The same old lines, the same routine ;; Nothing changes and that's not good for me }

Splashmist faltered a little when she heard the confusion returning to his tone. He took on slowly with his response, about being fine and all, and then turned the conversation back on her. I'm more worried about you. She sighed, tail tip twitching briefly. He could always tell. It didn't matter what she said, if she grinned and bounced, he would always know. Still, she continued, refusing to admit she'd lost yet. It's hard, isn't it? "Yes," Splashmist relented in a soft tone, looking downward from his gaze and then back to it. "Yes, it's hard." Here she had come thinking she would tell him, but instead he had taken hold of it, the tightness in the air that was screaming to be put into words. "But I don't want to let you go." The words came out more as stubborn, than romantic. Her tail gave a faint lash, despite the sadness in her eyes. "I don't care about the consequences anymore, Duneshade." She looked briefly to the edge of her vision again, as though there might be a cat crouching there, nodding to tell her she was doing well. Coaching her, perhaps. "I just want to be with you." Splashmist mewed resignedly at last, turning back to look at him. Her words were almost imploring; a bit of fear was behind them, as well. The fear that he might reject her. Would he turn away from her?


WORD COUNT: 948 TAGGED: Duskeh Huskeh (Dunesplash) only NOTES: Listening to 'So close now' by the Eli Young band. It felt oddly fitting. So here's a reply finally, crappy but a reply indeed. :3

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[Dusk]

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[atrb=background, i339.photobucket.com/albums/n480/Shardclaw/sablewithborder.jpg] Turmoil, turmoil. It felt like every meeting they had was the same thing. Doubts, questions, admissions; always being aired but nothing being done about it. It drove him insane, the way they always balanced so treacherously on the fine line which they traversed. He wasn't angry with Splashmist, no he could never be angry with the petite warrior for having her own worries. Duneshade was part of the equation that led to all this stress, after all. He could have walked away 'all those' moons ago - just as the silver tabby could have as well - and the two would have gone on with their lives, and never once questioned the strength of their clan ties. In a way, he blamed himself for any possible consequences. If, as an apprentice, the dark-furred tom had ignored his impulsive need to go see the Tempestclan cat then they may never have grown the feelings for each other they did. Of course, these were all simply possibilities, no way to say for sure that the two wouldn't have been drawn to each other anyways. They'd never know. 'Oi, Starclan, you cats up there must really like watching other warriors do stupid things.' The bitter thought lasted only a moment, it was too easy to blame others. The tom watched in silence as his companion shook out her paws one at a time, likely gone numb from sitting so long in the cold snow. It might be good for them to think of a new meeting spot. The glacier was becoming a more and more hostile area as the leaf-bare season tightened its grasp on the land, and the nights were too cold for just a pair of cats to be sitting in a clearing surrounded by ice. But where else could they meet? He was unable to think of an option that suited the both of them besides this one place, and so he set the wondering aside for another time. Instead he focused as the smaller warrior let out a sigh, ears straining to catch the noise. Funny, almost, how he was afraid to hear whatever answer she had and yet so eager to know the thoughts that worked inside her cunning mind. Just another maddening irony. A pang of sadness struck him as she made her admission. But what had he been expecting? That she would shake her head and say, "oh it's easy, you worry too much Duneshade"? He was struck by the force behind her words as she continued to speak. Curious, but then, Splashmist had never struck him as the sort of cat to sit back and speak weakly. There was definitely Tempestclan in her, in that refusal to sit back and worry, no way she could simply be meek and calm and fret while doing nothing about it. ’Opposites do tend to attract…’ The thought, though amused, held a rueful note. She was so different from himself in some ways that he still wasn't sure why he appealed to her. She could say he was strong in his own way, but he didn't see it. Always in the back of his mind was that nagging doubt that his clanmates were right. He was a hopeless pacifistic cat, unfit for the lifestyle of warriors when he couldn't be trusted to hold his own in battle. 'Damn tom, you probably wouldn't be able to defend her if it came down to it.' Filled with the angry, dark tumult of thoughts as he was, the sable warrior flinched as though shot when the last words left Splashmist. He pulled away stepping back a few paces with yellow eyes wide, full of doubt and frustration. Belatedly he realized his mistake, catching the flash of wary hope in those mixed blue-green orbs. I'm sorry, Splashmist... I didn't mean to. The words he wanted to say wouldn't form on his tongue. Instead he listened, feeling detached from his body, as all his frustrations were loosed instead. "I'm really sick of this, y'know? All the worry and the fretting and the unanswered questions," he growled as he spoke, head tossing back and forth angrily. Duneshade turned around to face the silver-gray tabby again. "I love you Splash, how could I not?" The burst of energy from his anger was gone. He spoke more quietly, heading still shaking, but much less dramatically. "I just... don't know how we're going to keep this up." It was too late for the tom to regret his words, they were on the air for anyone to hear. Perhaps he'd just had a bad day, the outburst fueled by irritation and thoughts which had been dogging him since he'd awoken. "I can't-" his new words were weak and strained, "can't imagine life without you." The tom should have been strong and valiant, willing to step forward and profess his love of the she-cat when she gave herself over so willingly. But no, he couldn't just do that. He was a coward. Weak. Useless. ooc;; 1. Sorry this took so long. 2. Sorry it's so short and crappy, I had no idea what to write for some reason. 3. Drama-llama Dune is at it again. :3

[Dawn]

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves.

{ SO CLOSE NOW;; I am so close now to walking away }

Splashmist cringed brilliantly as her last words fled her jaws. Her fur grew hot enough to keep her warm despite the cold air. It was like they were in competition, each trying to outdo the other in how stupid they could be. She watched, almost detached, as Duneshade pulled away from her as though he'd been struck. Of course that isn't what he wanted to hear. She felt like curling up into a tight ball and hiding her face for the waves of shame that fell upon her. He probably didn't feel the same, but what was she going to do, keep risking her tail meeting him just as friends? This was why the warrior code allowed friends between clans, she realized. Because there was no such thing as bending the code just to be friends. No one risked their neck and their status so that they could chat about their favorite places to fish. She was doing this for love, and if he wasn't, it was time to take a step back and realize what she was really doing to herself. Damn the warrior code, and damn me for being such a blind idiot! As the Zephyrclan tom backed away a few steps, she too physically moved back. Though they were only a few fox lengths apart, she felt miles from him now. Miles from him, the only tom that had ever seemed to accept her- and miles from her clan, on this god forsaken glacier. Splashmist felt broken and foolish, standing there in the perfect silence that followed her ill made phrase.

She was about to do the second stupidest thing in her life- open her jaws and say something like, 'Just kidding, Duneshade! Ha ha, thought I'd pull your leg a little tonight, you know?' when suddenly he growled. She crouched a bit lower to the ground, warily looking up into his eyes as she felt irritation coming off him in waves. Would this come to a fight? Had she made him that angry? Her eyes became round and wide as she gazed at him; Splashmist had never seen her friend so angry before. I'm really sick of this... She flinched at his words, but something stronger, something too Tempestclan to be stolen by her little size, made her stand fully and continue to listen. She nearly wished she hadn't when his next words met her ears. Taken aback by the force of which he said it, Splashmist sat weakly down again, abruptly clamping her partially opened jaw shut. I love you Splash, how could I not? It seemed to be a rhetorical question but she found herself answering it silently anyway. Oh, maybe because I'm a selfish, weak, moronic kit of a warrior? His words became quieter and quieter, until she had to strain to hear him, feeling, yet again, the physical distance between them. Funny... love has just pushed us farther apart. The disgusting irony of the situation made her burn even more.

I don't know how we're going to keep this up. Feeling bitter and empty, Splashmist looked to her paws again, and shivered. "That makes two of us..." She muttered, so softly she wasn't sure if he'd hear or not. When it was out, she hoped he wouldn't; the words had sounded harder than she'd meant them to. I can't imagine life without you. This, she decided, also made two of them. It was about the most damn sad thing she'd ever heard in her entire life, and it made her feel extremely rash. She unsheathed her claws into the snowy, hard ground, as though preparing for battle again, the first as a warrior.


"Duneshade," she murmured breathlessly, her words stronger now, "If you have to... go," she couldn't bring herself to say the two words 'let me' before the go, and so that was all she managed to voice, "I understand. I get it, really. I know this isn't hard for just me." She fluffed up her fur, precariously balanced on her paws. He had admitted it. She had admitted it. She wanted them just to be together, purely, fully- now. And yet they couldn't, they couldn't... And she couldn't wait any longer. She was so tired of waiting. Of stewing in her own guilt and emotions. Of wondering. Much like him, she was just tired of it all. "Just, I don't think I'll ever be able to love any tom like I love you." Splashmist wanted to edge forward, but she couldn't bring herself to. It felt hard to breathe. There was a painful feeling in her chest. She was also vaguely aware of the fact that she had bit her tongue and it was bleeding faintly. "I don't know what to do..." Something wet landed on her nose, and she gazed up into the dark sky. It had begun to snow very lightly, and flakes fell rather unceremoniously down upon them, unguided by wind. "I can't do this anymore. But I can't give you up, either."

WORD COUNT: 833 TAGGED: Duskeh Huskeh (Dunesplash) only NOTES: Gahhh I was so close to having her just burst out 'LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHAH' but i have no idea what we're actually going to do D: Idk what they would do if they ran off together, and she would miss island and her family and everyone... but she wants to... maybe he could bring it up, or she could bring it up later, and they could end on thinking about it. and i'll pm you my other thoughts.

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[Dusk]

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[atrb=background, i339.photobucket.com/albums/n480/Shardclaw/sablewithborder.jpg] Why couldn't life be simple? Was that so much to ask? A boring, plain life where nothing out of the ordinary happened and he could go on with his daily life with few problems. Some might insist that an uneventful life meant that the recipient of said life was boring too. The bold outgoings ones were happy to add zest and adventure to their days on this earth, or so they claimed. It couldn't really be worth it; not all the pain and distress. Anyone who said adventure was the key to happiness was a fool, tricking themselves into believing their life was better for the way they chose to live it out. Although, that meant Duneshade was a fool too - and he didn't doubt that statement. A fool for thinking he could go on with this she-cat from another clan, and believing that things would work out perfectly in the end. He could comfort himself with thoughts of how these ups and downs were just a part of the process, that they'd get their happily ever after. Lies and more lies to delude himself into living only for the moment. Go on and on until one day they made a stupid mistake, got caught, and everything came crashing down. At least they'd "go down" with some flair. Inwardly, the new warrior gave a humourless laugh. The world lived for drama. He grimaced, catching sight of her widening eyes and the way she shrank slightly towards the ground in defense. Did she feel threatened? By him? Spider-limbed, never battle Duneshade? The idea of him possibly hurting anyone, let alone the smaller tabby before him, struck him as oddly funny. A laugh -a real one this time- at the thought bubbled up in his throat, and he swallowed it down quickly before it burst free from his jaws and only worsened the situation. That wouldn't do at all, to laugh after saying everything he'd said. 'Okay, Duneshade, you need to shut up now. Done enough damage.' Only then, with new a new clarity filling him, did the young warrior realize the gap growing between himself and Splashmist. Not just the physical gap, but the gap between themselves as, as... the tom didn't have the right word for it. They were more than friends. At least, he thought so. Still, they were distancing themselves from each other, and it drove him mad. The sable feline just wanted to be with her, yet his paws were rooted to the frost coated ground. Even when he saw the light dusting of snow fall from her shoulders as she shook, something prevented the tom from moving forward like he wanted. Whatever the younger cat had said he missed, he saw her jaws move to form the words, but they were murmured so quietly they failed to reach him. As it was, he couldn't say for sure that he wanted to hear anything Splashmist had to say after he'd ranted. Her next words, however, he heard all too well. 'Go?' he thought, uncomprehending. Yellow eyes held an unsure note as he watched the Tempestclan cat, wary. He could feel his spirits falling deeper into an abyss of pain and sadness as he listened. "Just, I don't think I'll ever be able to love any tom like I love you." There was a moment where the tom waited for a rush of pleasure. Someone cared for him, really care. And all he felt was empty. He should have stepped forward, moved up and rushed to the she-cat. Instead he backed up again. And a few more steps as well, gait made more awkward by his shuffling. Dark-furred head was moving left and right as he took a quiet breath. {Maybe we're trying || Trying too hard} "So you can't do this anymore," he repeated in a voice lacking any sort of inflection. It wasn't even a question, not him trying to confirm her words. They echoed in his head. Was he really going to say this? The warrior was unsure of what drove him to think the way he was. The words were slipping between tongue and tooth before he had another moment to pause and doubt. It was now or never. Enough with the tiresome worrying. "Then you want to end this." A grim finality accompanied the words. {Maybe we're torn apart ;; maybe we're starting to fall apart} Duneshade felt a great weight lift off him as he spoke, even as another burden dropped more heavily onto his shoulders. He'd been a fool to ever try and love a cat from another clan. Hopeless from the start. He bit back the anger, though it showed in his eyes, a sharpness in his gaze that betrayed how he felt on the inside. 'This is the end for us, isn't it? How could she forgive me after saying these things.' "I'll be h-happy to be done with this, I suppose." {We're empty}

[Dawn]

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves.

Sometimes, goodbye is a second chance. Watching the snow fall, she felt oddly empty. Within there was a great chasm of silence, but nothing else. No wild thoughts floating around to distract her; no images of the times they had had together. She couldn't bear, as she gazed into the dark sky, to look back at him. Splashmist just couldn't bring herself to look at him right then; she was gripped by a stony apathy, and she knew that if her green eyes happened to fall upon Duneshade, the dam would bust. Everything would break free in a tornado, a storm-like howl; a wild, crazy, unnameable thing. Something like love. And hate. And rage and goodness and just complete madness all swirled together to make what she knew was lurking beneath her unfeeling air. It was there, and if she just continued breathing the cold night air, pretending she was alone in this war, then she might make it through. It was as though, nose pointed to the snowflakes and the stars, she were trying to avoid breathing in some highly poisonous substance. If she even lowered her head a bit, so that she looked at him, it would go into her lungs and she would become air hungry... she wouldn't be able to breathe... she would gasp and flail and just become a complete wreck. That can't happen. Not in front of him. She felt this with a horrible desperation; and yet, her true colors were surfacing... it was rising steadily... her stomach became a knot... her muscles grew rigid. As he spoke, she was rooted to the spot like a stone.

I'm not angry, I'm just saying... She hadn't said that. That she couldn't do this anymore? No! She would've given everything she had just to be anything to him. It seemed like he wasn't having as hard a time processing the situation as she was. Then you want to end this. Her green eyes flickered, drifted, almost lazy, almost casually, downward. She felt like she was falling, no longer feeling the cold snow laying over her silver pelt. No longer daring to move. Hardly daring to breathe; hardly allowing herself to think. Splashmist simply gazed at him, her jaw set firmly closed, unwilling herself to let out the yowl she knew was coming, to release the tension she knew was building...

I've done the best I can to make them realize this is my life. It was final. Official. Sealed. Doomed. She hadn't spoken a word yet but she knew it now. She couldn't do anything but stare at him in shock. Splashmist couldn't believe he was saying this. Suddenly, she broke out, "I- I thought you cared about me!" And that was what did it all. Her eyes were wild, shining storms of emerald. "I thought, that for once in my life, someone really cared. But it turned out I was just an amusement for you, just an entertainment, didn't it!" She wasn't thinking that he had never said any of this to her, because at the time it seemed obvious. The only thing she could accept. She was just hurting herself more, but the pain felt oddly good. Not new, but good. She was used to pain. Still, the harshness of her words struck her not long after, and she went silent for a few moments, at a loss for words. I'll be happy to be done with this, I suppose. She had turned slightly to the side, scratching at the ground, but now she seemed to whirl and hissed softly, "Fine! There's nothing to be d-done with." Her controlled hiss became a broken stutter. "D-Damn it Duneshade!" Bristling, Splashmist turned away from him. Before she knew what she was doing, she was running, hard, in the opposite direction. Tied to nothing but Tempestclan; running for the only thing she knew, her clanmates. The only thing she was sure she would, and had ever, had. It's like Dreamfeather has always said, and she bitterly remembered the well known phrase, speaking it aloud in a hoarse whisper, "Blood is thicker than water."


Her paws pounded hard but silent on the snow, as she fled into the night. It was a long way to camp, but she never looked back. The cold air stung her eyes, and her feet ached from running, but she didn't stop. Once, Splashmist slipped on the ice and fell hard on her side; bleary eyed and dizzy, she didn't even exclaim, but simply leaped to her feet again and continued her run. It was nearing dawn when she at last reached camp; and, feeling the familiar sting of apathy, too many emotions becoming novacaine, she simply slunk into the warrior's den and lay in her nest, breathing a hopeless sigh.

WORD COUNT: 795 TAGGED: Duskeh Huskeh (Duneshade) only NOTES: Shinedown (second chance) lyrics. I would really like to see how Dune would respond to how she acted (since it was rather crazy and rash) even if the response is quite small, but if you absolutely can't work something up with how he acts in response and his own return to camp/lack thereof, that's fine too. cx Hope this is okay, I sort of liked typing it because again I was playing a character with how I would likely act.

ANCK SU NAMUN OF CAUTION!

[Dusk]

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[atrb=background, i339.photobucket.com/albums/n480/Shardclaw/sablewithborder.jpg] His eyes grew cold with darkness as he watched the she-cat he loved so much, yet the one he just couldn't stand to be with. Statue-still, suddenly empty and unreadable as a rock; she looked as cold and strong as one too. 'What is she thinking? He let his own gaze wander upward, following her fix on the falling snow. Little carefree specks, happy to go where the breeze carried them and stay where they settled on the ground until another wind came along to whip them away. Could the wind whip the two away in the same way? It'd be nice, if the snow could simply cover up everything they'd had. All the wounds now hidden away by the snowy white blanket. It was impossible, though, that things would be so simple and easy to rectify. Did he really think he would be happy without the silver-gray tabby? It was hard to think about at that moment, striving as he was to keep calm and not run up to the female with words of how stupid he was for saying anything. There could be no more rash decisions led on too much by what might be a foolish romance. It was uncanny, really, how angry he felt; not just with the situation, but with himself. How could he have let himself fall so far into this foolishness. The first time he meets someone he can relate to and he falls nose over tail just like that! Stupid, stupid, stupid tom. And now, both were to be left hurting. 'Never should have wandered onto her territory...' Duneshade let chin fall, eyes working their way earthwards once more. He nearly jumped when he saw the Tempestclan cat watching him coolly. Staring and staring, unmoving and unblinking. "Stop that," he wanted to snap. His jaws remained locked together, though. It was hard to imagine what would happen next, would they just stand there for hours, staring at each other until something else came along to interrupt them? The thought seemed unlikely. Something was going to break in one of them, it was just a waiting game to see who would snap first. His fangs dug into his tongue painfully, he refused to give in to the urge to retract his words. Was she angry - no, that was a stupid wonder. Of course she would be angry. The question wasn't one of how Splashmist felt, but how the petite tabby would react. Why wouldn't she stop staring? 'Do something, Splashmist. Don't make me the one who has to walk away...' Even though he thought he was prepared for the outburst, he still felt himself recoil at the blaze of passion and hurt that accompanied her words. The force of emotion struck him like a brick wall, and he lowered his sable head against the speech with ears flat against his skull. "I thought, that for once in my life, someone really cared. But it turned out I was just an amusement for you, just an entertainment, didn't it!" Duneshade wanted to speak up in objection. That wasn't true! He loved her, loved her more than any cat he'd met before. Who did she think he was, Runningfox? The thought of him being like that useless player stilled any words of defense that may have formed in his jaws. His last words were the only reply he could think of. If she thought he saw her as nothing but a bit of fun to be had, a she-cat to lead on and then break, then perhaps they truly weren't meant to be. His eyes remained fixed on his paws as the she-cat hissed in response, losing whatever cool remained. The thud of paws and a flurry of snow kicked his way forced the tom to look up once more. 'She thinks I'm like Runningfox,' he thought in shock. Then a he stood, and started after the she-cat for a few paces. Gimp-pawed as he was, he could still outpace her and catch up easily enough. He stopped after a few strides, paws feeling leaden. "I loved you Splashmist! I really did!" He yowled loud and hard as he could - he didn't care anymore who or what heard him - but doubted that his voice would carry far enough to reach the running feline. His voice grew quiet enough only for his ears as he mewed, "I just, can't take this anymore." The tom remained, still and frozen in the clearing of the glacier, and watched the one thing that held meaning in his life disappear into her own territory. Once again, a single thought rang out in his mind. 'Stupid, stupid tom.' Then he stood, and turned, and headed back for his own territory. Back to the barren moors, back to an unloving clan. And as far away as possible from the one cat that had ever given a care for him beyond his hunting skills. The trek would be a long and lonely one, but he couldn't bring himself to care anymore. And so he walked, tail trailing through the snow behind him and moving as slow as any slug. Eventually he made it back to the camp, no guard out, oddly enough, and wandered quietly to a shallow dip in the snow. He couldn't bring himself to face the others in the warriors den. He didn't want to feel the warmth of other cats, as it was. Just time to sink into deep oblivion and try to forget any of the past few moons had ever happened.