let's pretend [lily]

[Dawn]

{ JETFANG }

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I'm losing ground | And still I can't stand down

Waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But it's feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone
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E[/size][/font]veryday the sickness seemed to be getting worse. It had gotten hold of Jetfang badly, and now he and the toxic opponent would have to scrap it out. However, Jetfang knew that fighting disease wasn't as easy as fighting a fox or another warrior, or even a badger. This was an enemy that could get at himself- and those he cared about most. Lilythorn. But it didn't matter, because the more he fought it, the deeper a grip it seemed to have. It was within himself; if he wanted to save his clanmates from catching it, the only thing he could do to kill the disease was to kill himself. He hated the waiting, that was the worst part. Because there was nothing he could do, nothing even the medicine cat could do, he was simply a burden and a liability, an older warrior that was now nearly useless. His strength was half of what it normally was; he looked like the dead walking, to be morbid; and he felt useless. He could still patrol, but he felt himself becoming more and more slow and tired, easily frustrated and losing his patience with others and himself. The other day he had missed a squirrel while hunting with his cousin Silvertalon, and had cursed Starclan and his blood and himself and the sun's day. Never before had his kin seen him in such bad temper; normally he brushed off such things easily, with a single word of regret. I wouldn't wonder that I was losing my sanity. The descent to madness was certain to begin here.

J[/size][/font]etfang felt tiredness deep in his bones, as he settled down in his makeshift nest. It was best to keep away from his denmates, he decided, at least part of the time; it wouldn't be long before all of the ill were separated from the healthy. Otherwise, the sable coated tom thought grimly, there won't be any healthy warriors left. As it was, daylight was dwindling, and with the sun his mood fell. He lay still, mismatched eyes partly closed drowsily as he watched the camp. It was only just as he began to drift, swaying in the warm shelter of sleep, that he saw it. A ray of sunlight- well, no, not literally, but a pelt the color of cream with fiery dusting- in the dreary pine clearing. Lilythorn! His mind thought, before he could even process whether it was dreams and shade or reality. He watched her for a moment, knowing her lovely blue gaze was turned away, not awake enough to feel odd to be studying her. No, this isn't a dream. The deputy's pelt was looking far more worn that normal, and that was how he knew. If it had been less than truth, he was sure his mind would have remembered her in health, before she too had been claimed by the mysterious disease. It snapped to him, and everything that had happened slowly trickled back, like a bit of water in a spring. Shifting uneasily in his nest, Jetfang turned to gaze away. She had avoided his gaze up through the days... She wouldn't want to talk to him now, and he was too worn to make another attempt at apologizing. Not that he was really to blame, but what was the use? She was distancing herself. He had heard that Lynxstar was on her last life. Things looked grim.
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[lily ♫]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #3b2146;,true][cs=2] LILYTHORN ! MY FRIENDS CALL ME LILY. I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE A MEMBER OF VERTIGOCLAN. I'M FOREVER ALONE, AND I'M DETERMINED, PASSIONATE AND UNLUCKY. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - n o t e s ,

[atrb=width,240] No matter how long she slept, Lilythorn still ached, and she'd come to the realization that it wasn't just from her shoulder injury days ago. The medium-length creamy ginger femme couldn't deny that she too was becoming sick with the same ailment that was taking Lynxstar away from the Clan. Her heart ached, too, for her friend and confidante, the best motherly figure she'd had in moons. But that wasn't all that she mourned for. A certain black and white splotched tom came to mind, his blue and amber eyes piercing through her mind. Thinking of him should be bringing a content smile to her face; their friendship was one that she counted on again and again, but instead, a haunted look remained in her eyes and a sad expression on her face. It was a bad time for her, but wasn't it always? She hadn't truly been happy for moons, and Jetfang had given that to her only to have it snatched away from her at the same time. Though the tom had not taken it away, her duties to her Clan had. Lynxstar's death meant only one thing, and that was Lilythorn's fate to become leader of VertigoClan. But now, as she sat in the corner of camp with half-closed lids, her icy eyes watched the tom in his makeshift nest, letting herself be tortured by indecision. 'What do I want?' She stopped to ask herself, clenching her shoulders and holding them back as her claws unsheathed and etched into the ground below. Jetfang. She wanted him. No, not just him, she could have him all the days of her life no matter what her decision was. She wanted a life with him, and that was an impossible thing. With her gaze lowered as she fought the war within, Lilythorn felt a pair of eyes boring into her and shivered before meeting the gaze. Immediately, she knew it was a stupid move. The deputy flinched and looked away toward the apprentice den, distracting herself and keeping her distance from even acknowledging that the tom was alive. 'You can't do this forever.' Rising to her paws, she approached the fresh-kill pile, wincing in pain and even hissing through her teeth as she did so. Letting her gaze travel from one piece of prey to the next, she selected a plump squirrel from the pile and picked it up with her strong jaws. Exhaling loudly through the fur of the red-hued rodent, she kept her gaze low and approached the mismatched tom, preparing herself for what was most certainly to come. Without looking at him, she dropped the fresh-kill to the ground and spoke, studying her paws. "You need to eat, even if it's unbearable to do so.

[/u]" Lilythorn murmured softly, watching the pine needles below with incredible interest. Looking at him would be too much. Being near him was already too much. Smelling him was too much as his musky scent was soured in the same way Lynxstar's was, but Lilythorn knew that Jetfang was young enough to keep fighting it. He just had to. Didn't he?[/justify]
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tagged ,

dawn (jet) ONLY

tunes ,

none

comments ,

tentative lily is tentative

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TEMPLATE BY KATIEBABY! OF CAUTION 2.0

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[Dawn]

{ JETFANG }

[/size][/font]
I'm losing ground | And still I can't stand down

Waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But it's feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone
[/center]
H[/size][/font]e hadn't seen her return the glance, or at least that was what he was telling himself as he looked intently away, eyes boring into the leader's den with spirit. What would it be like when she was leader, and slept there, no longer by his side? That she had already gone, her scent in his nose and breath in his ears as he slept, was heartbreaking. He could imagine her leading Vertigoclan bravely into battle, and addressing the clan as she had the past few days, as Lilystar. Lynxstar is so sick. It's miserable; like Lilythorn is already leader. It was unbearable that in one fell swoop, not only was their much loved clan leader dying, but he was also losing the beautiful deputy, Lilythorn, to the destiny she had chosen so long ago. No longer could they pretend they were young warriors, trapped in the wonders of youth, chasing butterflies. Of course all of these moons he had known somewhere inside himself that they would come to ruin. If Jetfang hadn't, then he was a fool, and he should have. Really they had been just friends, two cats that had grown up too fast, going on twilight walks and taking risks that they never could have taken alone. But it had always lain at the edge of something else, and when she had realized that she had to back away, just as he should have when he first recognized that affection, but attributed it in the wrong way. Clanmates had noticed it, but had done nothing about it; could do nothing about what the cruel fates had intended for them. It seemed everyone in the clan had known about how they felt about each other but themselves, having been hurt too much too many times to accept what was happening. Jetfang had told himself he would never take a mate or wish to, and all of these moons he though he had kept his promise. Lilythorn had set herself on the path to deputy as an escape from herself, and a way to make sure that no one else could destroy her heart. In the end, they had both failed.

A[/size][/font]nd just like that, his better thoughts were interrupted. How could he think, when she was breathing the same air, thinking the same thoughts, so few inches from him? So close and yet so far, she had pulled herself such a distance from him and he had been forced to withdraw as well. Lilythorn dropped a russet colored creature close by, but he saw it only with a flash of his eyes. Stricken by sickness, laying without energy in his nest, too little energy to get away, to protest, it was as if, as Jetfang slowly looked up at her, that he was saying, 'Alright, I give in. I forfeit.' Dully he recognized this situation, and felt like crawling sickly into himself, pushing himself back slightly from her as if he might become unnoticeable should he put a bit more physical distance between them. Perhaps they wouldn't need to speak truthfully, if he lay there quietly with complacent face and refused to acknowledge what was coming. Looking away with a bitter taste in his mouth, he shook his head at her comment about his needing to eat. Normally he wouldn't have refused the cream colored female, knowing she could very well force him to eat it. "It tastes like nothing to me. Might as well save it for someone else." He wanted to be short about it, but it was Lilythorn, and he just couldn't. Resenting the squirrel unbelievably, a gift that could not be seen as a gift, something they surely could not share, it was rather like the killed animal was taking her away from him, a best friend that had proved to be a rival in the end. Jetfang bit his tongue, feeling sour. He pushed the squirrel slightly with his sable head, relenting only because he could not bring himself to reject it. "Maybe later." Was all he could mumble in reconciliation, shifting his paws.




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[lily ♫]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #3b2146;,true][cs=2] LILYTHORN ! HAVE I FOUND YOU, FLIGHTLESS BIRD? OR LOST YOU, AMERICAN MOUTH? MY FRIENDS CALL ME LILY. I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE A MEMBER OF VERTIGOCLAN. I'M FOREVER ALONE, AND I'M DETERMINED, PASSIONATE AND UNLUCKY. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - n o t e s ,

[atrb=width,240] He didn't look at her, and in that single instance in time, it hurt her more than anything else could have. But, then again, she wasn't looking at him either. It also didn't help that he answered as if he had all the time in the world to do things that kept him alive. Her icy gaze narrowed into thin, piercing slits as she forcibly shoved the squirrel near him. "No, now. The Clan doesn't need its warriors crippled with disease and dying because they're too stubborn!

[/u]" She hissed, irritated. Lilythorn knew she had no reason to act so rudely, but if Jetfang was going to play it this way, she could too. But really, what was the point in arguing, afterall?

Clenching her jaws together, she took the tiniest of steps back and held her stance, looking straight at him. "Eat, please, Jet-jetfang.[/u]" She mewed softly, willing him to do so while correcting herself when she used his nickname. Moons of being together constantly and now this. The deputy was near rebuking the nickname she called him, and why? 'Lynxstar is dying, I have to be there for my Clan. I have no other duties to perform but to keep our warriors healthy and strong and try to help those that are not.' Those words were her mantra, especially now, as she watched the crumpled sable form before her.

Lilythorn wasn't in the best condition either, though. Her muscles were weak and her throat constantly dry. She couldn't deny it any longer, even though she had all but given in to her self-diagnosis earlier. The deputy was sickened with the disease that was running its course through the leader and killing her. 'If I die, the Clan has no one else to lead it.'

Closing her eyes, the female stood there, frozen in place. "Jet...I'm scared.[/u]" She managed out before breaking down into tears. Though it was a silly move, she stumbled forward and curled up next to Jetfang, looking for comfort as tears poured out from her blue eyes. Tucking her face into his chest, she pressed against him before she began to felt foolish, so that she might enjoy these few moments. "If I die, I want to be next to you.[/u]" Her whisper was barely audible and Lilythorn could barely hear it herself, but it was everything she wanted to say in one sentence. 'I love you, Jet.'[/justify]
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tagged ,

dawn (jet) ONLY

tunes ,

naked as we came - iron & wine

comments ,

god that song is absolutely perfect for them. youtube it. now. but be prepared not to cry, amg. by listening to it, my post totally changed from what it was supposed to be. xD

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TEMPLATE BY KATIEBABY! OF CAUTION 2.0

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[Dawn]

{ JETFANG }

[/size][/font]
I'm losing ground | And still I can't stand down

Waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But it's feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone
[/center]
J[/size][/font]etfang almost smiled as she exclaimed that it had to be now. He had thought himself stubborn and bull headed; and then he had met Lilythorn, who was just as equally unfailing and determined. She knew when to get serious and hold strong, but she was gentler than him at times; and he might admit that he, too, had a gentle side. Likely his softened characteristics were partially due to the deputy's friendship. So, thinking of this, he could almost feel faint happiness. But he couldn't smile, because it was as if gravity was especially strong today, and he couldn't twist his facial features past their desperately ill frown, nor could he stand and move away. Really, he had given in to the world's pressure around him. He no longer had any wish or use in running from it, and instead was prepared to see it through with a strong face. He was thoroughly numb to the happenings with himself and Lilythorn and the clan, though he knew that now they had met their doom's day. Jetfang felt there was nothing to do but fight it head on, instead of fleeing as he had been apt to do emotionally through the moons. Sometimes he didn't want to keep battling the sickness, consoling himself that he had had a long life. But he was feline, a creature of nature that could not toy with one's own death. His body unconsciously fought, even if he didn't want it to. His mind lashed out too; he had not had a long life at all. Lynxstar had lived far longer, perhaps double his age in moons. Thirty nine moons? That was nothing. He was hardly three years old, whereas elders had been known to and very well could live many more moons, even into one hundred. He didn't care much for that idea. Jetfang's destiny as far as he saw it was to die when he was chosen to die, on the battlefield. Not from some stupid sickness, feeling sorry for himself. He would watch Lilystar lead the clan; he would be there for her when she needed someone. Maybe he would never have any more life than training apprentices and following his duties, but that was enough for him. I am not ready to die. Starclan, Lily doesn't deserve any more deaths.


H[/size][/font]e sighed, and nodded. She was right. He had to do it for the clan, because she wasn't going to allow him to do it for her. It didn't hurt that she had snapped at him; he could take any amount of anger from her, it was better than not talking to her at all. What did hurt was that she retracted the nickname she had often called him, just the first part of his warrior name, Jet. It made him angry that the past could be erased so easily, their history forgotten, because of some stupid leader position. He could almost find himself angered with Starclan, for ever allowing this to happen. "Okay." He murmured, unable to be unhappy with her as he took a half hearted bite, pulling away fur from the dead creature. It was dry on his tongue, but other than that tasteless entirely. Lilythorn was silent, not seeming displeased or pleased that he had given in. What had brought them to this bitter place? The patch pelted tom looked up at her, asking the question silently, unable to speak. She let her eyes close, looking far more vulnerable than before as she broke down. This was it. That was all he could think as the light furred she-cat pressed to him, hiding her tears but showing far more to the few cats dawdling in camp. This was it. She was saying goodbye. He bit his tongue, mouth tasting salty with blood. "If I live," He responded quietly, "I... wish it could be next to you."
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[lily ♫]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #3b2146;,true][cs=2] LILYTHORN ! HAVE I FOUND YOU, FLIGHTLESS BIRD? OR LOST YOU, AMERICAN MOUTH? MY FRIENDS CALL ME LILY. I JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE A MEMBER OF VERTIGOCLAN. I'M FOREVER ALONE, AND I'M DETERMINED, PASSIONATE AND UNLUCKY. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - n o t e s ,

[atrb=width,240] She was dying inside. 'I can't do this. I just can't.' Lilythorn thought as her face remained burrowed into his fur. "You will live and...you'll have a good life. Promise me that.

[/u]" She whispered quietly once more, voice cracking again. Raising her head up, she looked into his eyes, searching them, and knew in that instant that he was the one for her. Her face crumpled up again and she ducked it back down.

"I don't know what to do anymore![/u]" The creamy ginger female mewed, devastated with what her life had become. Deny, deny, deny, even the one who got closest to her. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right, but it also wouldn't be justified if she let her Clan crumble without proper leadership. Afterall, they respected her. She had led under Lynxstar for what seemed like a lifetime and now she was questioning everything she'd done before.

She had to do it, so that she might free him, but it hurt both of them too much. 'I love him, I don't want this to go on for forever. I want..' Thought the deputy, so unsure of what she really wanted. 'Do I really want to be alone for the rest of my life? I'll have nine whole lives to use and to struggle through. Leading the Clan was my life, but now I'm just so confused anymore. I want to be with Jet. I want to, but I can't.' Thoughts bounced back and forth through her head, confusing her and making her feel ill with the anticipation of having to hurt Jetfang.

"Jet, I want a life with you, but I can't. I'm bound to my duty as deputy of VertigoClan, but that can't stop me from loving you.[/u]" There. She said it. But why did she feel accomplished, and why was there the smallest of grins on her face? "I love you, I love you, I love you, okay?[/u]" Lilythorn said as she clung desperately to him, nuzzling him for these last few moments she had with him. Euphoria filled her, even as she had just told him that they couldn't be together. But she'd done it. She'd told him that she loved him, and it'd been moons since she felt this good.

'I have to stop myself before Lynxstar dies or I'll just end up hurting the both of us beyond repair.' The creamy ginger female thought to herself in the back of her head.[/justify]
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tagged ,

dawn (jet) ONLY

tunes ,

naked as we came - iron & wine

comments ,

aggghhhhhhh.

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TEMPLATE BY KATIEBABY! OF CAUTION 2.0

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[Dawn]

{ JETFANG }

[/size][/font]
I'm losing ground | And still I can't stand down

Waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But it's feeling just like every other morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone
[/center]
P[/size][/font]romise her? It was a stupid promise, to vow to live past this sickness, to have a good life while she was the leader and he was a warrior. If he could, he would have felt angry. Instead, Jetfang just felt broken. Everything was full of so many damned ups and downs. What had his life been before this? Fine. It had been fine, boring and placid as water in a stagnant pool. Unchanging, but he had Vertigoclan to serve as a warrior, and apprentices to serve as a mentor. He had friends, to patrol with and to feel love for that didn't need to be taken in steps. Then here came Lilythorn, and stirred up the water at the bottom of said pool, and changed everything forever; the rippling effect had yet to cease in his life. He had had her as a friend, and so even as he watched his friends change and die, and his greatest love, Vertigoclan, changing and dying, he could hold himself together because she was as much his rock as he was her's. But this? Losing the deputy to leadership? Losing her to anything? This was unbearable. This wasn't something that he could live with, continuing with a falsely fulfilling life in the clan. The pain of yesterday, that was tolerable. The pain of the present, deep. The pain of the future, crushing. Jetfang couldn't even look at her.

H[/size][/font]e couldn't, but he had to. It was difficult to communicate that he understood that this was her saying goodbye to him, because for her a part of him was going to die once she was accepted as Lilystar, once she had received her nine lives. Finally meeting her gaze, Jetfang's pained look said only 'I understand, but I don't want to.' He sighed as she had said all that needed to be said finally, both that she was bound to him and her clan, and that only one of these bonds could survive the next moon. It would be childish to think that they could run away from Vertigoclan, the clan that had raised them and brought them up and shared their pain. They weren't, after all, apprentices with fresh hearts and minds full of dreams. That had been a mirage from a place that he had been distantly, and it was time to wake up and realize there could be no future for them together. The black and white tom looked tired and worn to the bone, gazing at her in the silence that followed what she had admitted.

J[/size][/font]etfang swallowed the lump in his throat, took a deep breath."It hurts. Loving you is like breathing... I don't think I can survive without it." He should never have made promises to himself that he couldn't keep. Jetfang had told himself he would accept this, could accept this. He was going to wake up. Seeming to just know what he needed to say, as cats could know before their death, he touched his muzzle to the deputy's. "But I know that we have to." Still, he couldn't help but let his own feelings get in the way of what was best for the clan. Abruptly, he cracked his teeth together, making his front fangs click against each other quietly. "Oh, Lily. I'm going to be the best warrior I can be, what else can I do with myself?"
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