Good Morning, you {swift|open}

[Wolfy]

Glenpaw[/color]

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

{G}lenpaw sat down in the clearing of camp, scratching his ear with his back leg. A few days ago, he and his denmate, Crystalpaw, had gone out hunting and he thought, maybe just maybe that they had a good time. He had enjoyed himself, but it was probably because he was out of camp. He hated being shut inside. The forest was so much more exciting and fun to explore rather than being left to do whatever anyone told them inside the camp. Change the bedding, check the elders for ticks, clear out all of the dens, yuck! He hated it all! He hated all of the apprentice jobs. It sickened him. He was stuck in the small den of CelestialClan. His denmates: Crystalpaw and Rosepaw. Now that was a handful bunch. Rosepaw, he hated talking to that she-cat. She was so....so....annoying. She was all talk no action. Except that she was hardly talk. She was depressing. He hated being around her. She aggrivated him out of his charcoal fur. Whereas Crystalpaw.....well, he had been so wrong about her. She seemed to be exactly like Rosepaw, depressing and no action, but she had sliced back into his fur when he had least expected it. She was different. When they went out exploring, well, she wasn't up for it to begin with, but once out there, she was adjusted more and he liked having her company. He still liked her company, even if he didn't show it much. Did she know? Hardly not. How could she? He was still prickly, but possibly he could have found a friend.

{W}ere cats with pride destined to be alone forever? No, he needed a friend and Crystalpaw matched the criteria perfectly right? Right. In fact, where was the cream she-cat? He hoped that maybe she'd like to do something with him. But then it hit him, he had almost forgotten. Jaspersun, Crystalpaw's mentor, was murdered by a cat called Hailghost. The two she-cats, Rosepaw and Crystalpaw he meant, had seen the murder themselves. Crystalpaw must have been grieving. Jaspersun was a good mentor to her, but their last encounter, Glenpaw had been a dirt devil to him. He should have known better, but now it was too late. He needed to find Crystalpaw, he needed to make sure she was okay. Rosepaw would get over it. Why should he care about her when there were more important cats to worry about? Standing up from his sitting, the charcoal tom ran his yellow eyes harshly around the camp, before softening them on a cream she-cat with blue eyes towards the ground. Crystalpaw. He softly and calmly walked over to her instead of blundering over like a fool. She must be hurting. Coming in to stand a little ways in front of her, he blinked his eyes sympathetically at her. What did she think of this whole situation?

[Swift ✱]

The cream and tabby she-cat sat at the edge of the clearing - as always. Her eyes cast downward, but her expression was emotionless. She was just thinking. Her mentor had never gotten to train her. He had died young; he had died before Crystalpaw really got to learn from him. Thoughts like 'Who would be her mentor now' crossed her mind but made her feel guilty. It was disrespectful toward her former mentor. Former. Crystalpaw sighed.

She was too busy wallowing in her own thoughts that she nearly missed a black cat approaching. Glenpaw? What now? More hunting? Scent a fox, then come running back to camp to tell Jaspersun? The only problem with that plan was that there was no Jaspersun. Crystalpaw looked up with a blank expression on her face. Yes, it was Glenpaw. A faint smile flickered across her face before dissolving as she looked back down to the ground. Didn't Glenpaw hate her? Didn't he detest the very thought of her, think that she thought better of herself than others? What about her not having the 'clan form' or whatever he had said? And didn't he think too highly of himself to bother with anyone else; that he was better than her?

Of course he did. That was exactly how he had behaved. At the start at least. Out of camp he was tolerable. Actually, he was almost normal out in the forest. Glenpaw had loosened up noticeably, and she found that she had actually liked the outing with him. Whether she had enjoyed his company or the outing, she didn't know. But maybe if she had just one person to empty her thoughts to, she would be able to bear living with so many other cats. But she knew that Glenpaw could blow his top easily. He got very annoyed with her the other day when she didn't reply to him in the den.

Her silent thoughts returned to her mentor. Jaspersun. It wasn't as if she had known him really, he had hardly trained her anyway. But that wasn't what made her so sad. It was all the deaths that surrounded her. Take her mother, for instance. The cream and tabby apprentice tried to shake off her thoughts as best she could. But they returned to the same depressing topic. Death, mother, Jaspersun. Her mentor hadn't exactly liked Glenpaw, but her view of her fellow apprentice did not have to be based on others thought, she knew. Her mother had said that. She had a lot of little phrases such as that. Crystalpaw was wallowing in her sadness, something that would only make her more silent.

[Wolfy]

{G}lenpaw

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

{G}lenpaw watched as Crystalpaw looked up at him before dissolving back into her silence. It irritated him a little yes, but he held it in. Crystalpaw had spoken to her which was more than what he asked for. He expected her to ignore him at first and that would make him lash out at her more and more, but unlike some cats, she actually answered him. And that must have taken a lot of power because he could be a real pain. Now, she was silent...again. He'd have to work some talking out of her. It would be hard, yes, but he was up to a challenge. He grinned at the thought. Melting back to reality, he cleared his dry throat to speak to the cream tabby she-cat.

"{H}ow are you?" He asked calmly, "You know, how are you handling his-" He thought about saying the word, but it seemed too harsh at the time. Not that he should care right? Well, lately all he did was worry how he talked to Crystalpaw, how he acted. Whatever though, he'll sort that out. Any other encounter and he'd fix that up. He remembered when his own mentor died a couple of moons ago. Copperclaw, was actually Jaspersun's brother, funny as that. Not funny rather, Copperclaw died when a falling tree crushed him. Glenpaw shivered. His new mentor was Bearclaw rather. Well, not new rather as different from Copperclaw. Glenpaw blinked back to reality; back to Crystalpaw. He coughed awkwardly and finished his sentence, "I mean, how are you handling his absence?" Crystalpaw had seen the murder herself, which because of how she was, she probably shouldn't have experienced that. She needs courage to get through this. He'd help, if she wanted it.

[Swift ✱]

"How are you?"

She shrugged, but looked up at him as he said the next words.
"You know, how are you handling his-" She narrowed her blue eyes.y it. It didn't matter to her if she said that or not, but her eyes narrowed. He would blow his top, get angry and get a reaction from her, which was exactly what he wanted. Well, this time it would happen like that. She had seen the little flash of irritation in his eyes when she didn't speak, she knew that he was annoyed. She didn't care, did she?

"I mean, how are you handling his absence?"

She snorted quietly, looking away. "What's it to you?," she replied, shaking her head. "What's it to me even?," she said quietly. Glenpaw would probably overeact now; get angry. She wouldn't let it get to her if he did. "What absence? He's not absent, he's dead. Gone." She said it. There it was. Her tone nonchalant, but not uncaring. What effect did Jaspersun's death have on her? She was sad that a clan mate was gone to Starclan so early, she was sad that her mentor hadn't gotten to see through her training, but otherwise it didn't concern her. It was more the fact that he was dead, her mother was dead and perhaps even her brother.

She was sorry that Jaspersun had died. But she hardly knew him. He wasn't important. Well, he was important, but she just didn't know him enough to really hurt now he was gone, dead. Crystalpaw felt like a cold-hearted brat just by thinking these thoughts, but she also knew they were true. There was nothing else to add, nothing else left to think about. Hopefully he would push any further; he would ask more questions. But she knew that Glenpaw was as stubborn as a mule, and he wouldn't leave it that easily.

[Wolfy]

{G}lenpaw

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

"He's dead." The words rang in his ears. He took a full gaze at her. She reminded him of somebody. But who? Death was affecting and taking its toll on her. Like him for example, always blaming himself for his sister's death. Did she understand the meaning of death? Probably not. She didn't even understand him. His neck fur raised uncomfortably. She would never understand. "What's it to you?" she hissed. As she answered him, she was getting angrier and angrier. He hit her button, but she was pushing him on the verge too. And he wasn't enjoying where the conversation was headed.

"What's it to me? Well, I thought you'd actually like a cat to talk to and seeing as you don't even talk to other cats much, then I thought I'd do you a favor and ask! And as for what's it to you? He was your mentor! You're not the only one who's ever lost a mentor. I lost Copperclaw almost as soon as he was assigned to me. Copperclaw was Jaspersun's brother and now they're up in StarClan together again. Jaspersun didn't just leave you, he's still watching you, you know. And you'll get another mentor if that's what you're worried about. But don't be. They'll handle who will be your mentor so relax. Maybe you should respect Jaspersun's death instead of fighting everyone out of your life! Death has a funny way of taking a toll on cats. It can make them silent," he began picking up his big, black paws and stalking around the cream she-cat, "It can make them sad," he came up in front of her face again and stared at her icy blue gaze. Sadness filled his expression as he pictured Ivypaw's dead body coming into his view, "Or it can make them feel like it was their fault in the beginning!" He hissed at her, only taking his rage on himself out on her. After he yelled at her and he knew that he had yelled, he bit back on his lip and pushed his eyes down to the ground in front of her, sadness floating off his whiskers. He breathed out a shaky breath and looked back up at her helplessly. "Death sometimes even, can turn us into monsters. And it seems like there's no help for it," he whispered, turning away from her to bite back his memories of the past. He had never actually said what was wrong with him until today and now he had let down a part of his wall, his safety, protecting himself from the outside world.

[Swift ✱]

She listened quietly to his little speech, gazing at him with a frown on her face. Yup, he blew his top all right, but that wasn't why she was frowning. Her blue eyes followed him blankly as he stalked around her, coming to a stop in front of her. Her brow furrowed as she stared at him. She looked into his eyes questioningly. There was some other feeling, something other than the irritation that she must have caused. Of course she knew that Copperclaw had died. She hadn't forgotten, but she was just being selfish. Crystalpaw sighed. Why was he even speaking to her? To vent his bloody anger? No. But all he ever did was get angry, annoyed. And didn't he hate her for her silence? Maybe Glenpaw just spoke to her because he enjoyed rising her temper, but why was he always bothering her? Well, it wasn’t as if he was bothering her exactly, but he was always there. Was that good or bad? She knew that she wasn't exactly nice, but he wasn’t really a ray of sunshine himself. But she didn’t have anyone else to talk to and - so far as she could see - he didn't either.

"Death sometimes even, can turn us into monsters. And it seems like there's no help for it,"

The apprentice frowned as she gazed at the ground in front of her. There was something bothering him. Not that he would tell her. "What is it Glenpaw?" she asked quietly anyway, hoping. Most likely, he wouldn't tell her. And why should he anyway? He hated her. "What's bothering you?" she added softly, her voice quiet. He wouldn't say anything, just get mad probably - as usual. She knew that she was being selfish; only thinking of herself. She knew he thought that of her too. Although before it wouldn’t have mattered to her, she found that she didn’t want him to think that of her and she surprised herself with this. Crsytalpaw stayed sitting where she was, and frowned down at the ground.

[Wolfy]

{G}lenpaw[/size]

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.

"What is it Glenpaw? What's bothering you?" Her voice was soft and gentle, but Glenpaw couldn't see enough light to open up. He had never come that close to spilling his past out, but it just kept coming out of his mouth and after he had said it, there was no way Crystalpaw would let it go. He cursed himself for saying it out loud in the first place. How could he be so stupid? Would she even care? She'd probably turn it against him and say "he's not perfect!". He hated that feeling, the feeling of being weak. Glenpaw closed his eyes as he thought what he would say to her now.

"What's with you?" A voice hissed in his ear as he stood firmly on an outing in the woods as an elder kit. He whipped his head around to glare at the voice coming no other than his sister, Ivykit. She was so annoying anymore and all she wanted to do was play around. They were almost apprentices and she was a nut head. He hated it when she would act way too immature.

"Leave me alone, you don't know anything." He growled, parting himself from her as much as he could. She frowned before racing to catch up with him. He narrowed his eyes and turned to get away from the pestering she-cat. She was so annoying! Why couldn't his mother take care of her before he did?

"I know enough!" She protested, claws unsheathing. She thrusted herself onto Glenkit with a huge amount of force, scratching at his ears and biting her small, sharp teeth into his pelt. Glenkit screeched before flipping over and crushing her small body underneath his. His large claws slid out and he raked her ears and face before she could do anything too damaging. She cried out and whimpered, but he kept on slashing at her face. Before long, there was a deep cut on her chin from where he had ripped it apart. He opened his jaw viciously to show her his long, sharp teeth and she cried out in horror. Then, before he could do anything too seriously, he was ripped away from her and pulled over to the side by his tail. Glenkit looked up, blood dripping from his claws in time to see his mother bent over Ivykit, licking at her wounds and delicately helping her. To her, he was a monster, not a kit. Glenkit bent his head in shame that he had lost his temper so quickly and he watched as his mother hissed at him and helped Ivykit up. The little black she-cat just looked at the ground and ignored Glenkit's gaze. His mother, Lovenight, broke away from Ivykit and ran up to Glenkit before pushing him to the ground.

"You idiot! Glenkit, I've had it with you! You are the worst brother-the worst kit anyone could have to have!" She shouted in his face before racing back to Ivykit and picking her up by the scruff and walking away from Glenkit. Lovenight, his mother, wouldn't have seen the sadness in his eyes or the fact that he never got any attention and love from her in the first place. Glenkit sat down, emotionless, in the dark forest and whimpered silently as the snow began to fall on the cold, leaf-bare night.

Blinking his eyes out of the past, Glenpaw saw Crystalpaw looking at him with worry glooming over. He didn't know what to think because he had never had any cat care about him the way it seemed with Crystalpaw. "Don't tell," he whispered carefully. He opened his mouth and looked up at Crystalpaw in realization that this was it. No going back now. "I think I killed my sister Ivypaw. Everyone blames me. Please Crystalpaw, don't tell anyone," he pleaded, sitting down for only her to hear him. "When I was a young apprentice, I had a sister named Ivypaw. She was very different from me. She was fun, obnoxious, boisterous, willing, and annoying. I hated that she was all over the place because I was trying to grow up too fast. We fought all the time too. Ivypaw was my mother's favorite kit and more than once my mother had told me she wished I was never born. I took my anger out on Ivypaw and one day, while I was hunting, Ivypaw scared the prey that I was after. She thought it was funny, but I yelled at her and I pushed her too far and she ran away because I hurt her feelings. She kept running and I didn't see her again. I went back to camp and settled down before Ivypaw's mentor ran into view crying out that Ivypaw was dead. I went limp after that because I had caused her to run away and she was hit by a monster and died on impact. I could never forgive myself and Ivypaw's mentor, my mother, everyone it seems hated me and blamed me for the accident. I guess it was my fault because I was a horrible brother. But still, I loved her even though we fought so much. I can never get away with the fact that it was my fault. I killed her. My mother left the clan after that happened and I never heard from her since. My father, he was a rouge and it was impossible to tell if he was dead or alive, but he means nothing to me. I'll never forgive myself for Ivypaw's death. That's why I don't want you to think of anything bad about Jaspersun's death. I'm-I-I'm sorry," Glenpaw looked at the cream and tabby she-cat for comfort, but also in an act of aid. He couldn't believe he was actually telling her about his past. He never did that with anyone. If someone didn't know about what he did, why should he tell them? Why did he tell Crystalpaw? Who knew, but maybe he was seeking closure. Something he'd never found and something he wanted so desperately to find.