dream a little dream of me [[--lily!

[raid]

it all happened so quickly. her birth. the disappearance of her father. her apprenticeship. the death of her mother. the running away. the return with reflectedrain. the feelings for reflectedrain. it wasn't supposed to be this confusing was it? she was reaching the age of a warrior. it wouldn't be long now before she would be in the same den as him...and then what would happen? he couldn't keep ignoring her. he couldn't keep pushing her aside like she was nothing more than another play toy. what happened to her mother would not be repeated. she wasn't her mother. she wasn't one to be pushed around and preyed upon like a naive mouse sitting in the open just begging to be killed. she snarled quietly, swiping a paw at the earth. how stupid was she?! why fall for a tom that was just going to walk away and leave her hanging. she should know better by the example that had been set before her. she hadn't listened to the very story of her existence. she had dared to believe in the feeling of love.

well now she knew better. as the wind stirred around her, she found herself feeling that emptiness as if her heart had been snatched away from her. and that's exactly what had happened. that tom had it. he had it. it had been stolen away from her, and wouldn't be returning. apparently it was happy where it was...and she was left feeling the effect. she should of never returned with him that day he found her. she should of ran away and clawed his face off. spellpaw could take care of herself. her gray eyes became glazed over as the tears dared to show themselves. it was the wind's fault...not her own. liar... the thought struck her hard and her vision became blurry as the droplets of water slid to the corners of her eyes.

"where oh where are you..." her voice was soft, though raspy from the choked up feeling she found taking control of her body. how she wished he would come find her like he had before. her goal was not to run away this time though, just be away from the clan. find her alone time. perhaps try to get him out of her head. why couldn't this be easier than it was....why couldn't he just tell her he felt the same. instead he seemed more entertained with the clan life and his apprentice and other friends. she was of no importance. her picture no longer flashed across the screen of his life. she took a sharp breath, her paws moving slowly along the rocky territory of vertigoclan. her paws were used to these rocks, yet with every step she found pain she had never felt before. though it didn't come from her paws, it was not physical...but emotional.

stopping, the tears became a full onslaught, a raging river from her eyes. her tail curled around her paws, the need to curl in a ball hitting her. she wanted her mother quite honestly. to cry to her about the tom who had done everything wrong....another darkfog.it wasn't that bad...although she could convince herself it was. love was turning into a losing battle...and spellpaw was willing to give it up.

[lily ♫]

Crashing through the undergrowth, Reflectedrain had seen her slink out of camp just as soon as the ceremony had ended. Scowling, the tom's cerulean and emerald gaze swept across every inch of the land visible to him. Why was she doing this again? It upset him, not knowing what her problem was. He'd been busy trying to keep his mind off of Northwind by volunteering for patrols and hunting with Pyrethroat, anything to keep his paws busy and his eyes clear of salty tears. Depression wasn't something he had time for if he ran around wildly, trying to complete every task he could without being told to rest.

Something was up with Spellpaw, though, and Reflectedrain hadn't the faintest clue what had caused her change in character. Sure, he hadn't had time to simply roam around with her and allow her to be the epicenter of his life, but she was busy training with Lilythorn. She was so close to becoming a warrior, and he was proud of her. Spellpaw kept pushing herself, but why? Only so that she might be able to take her proper place by him, right? The thought of it made his face go hot, a much stronger heat than ever before. Was that really why she wanted to become a warrior so vehemently? Reflectedrain couldn't help wondering. As his paws scraped against the rough ground, the needles gave way to smooth rocks and he was nearby the place he and Pyrethroat had hunted. Pyrethroat! Of course!

But how could Spellpaw be jealous of her? Pyrethroat was just a friend and far too many moons separated their ages to even consider her something more. Just thinking of it made Reflectedrain feel a bit ill. Sure, Pyre was as pretty as the next girl, but he'd never thought of any she-cats as more than friends...aside from Spellpaw. That's what they both wanted, right? To be more than friends? The only way he would find an answer is if he asked her, but he was so unsure of it all. Since the day he'd brought her back to the Clan, she'd been distant, but nothing like this. Had she even congratulated him on receiving an apprentice? No! Irritation erupted through Reflectedrain, driving him onward to the encroaching ZephyrClan territory lines.

Then he saw her. The crumpled form of her silver-eyed face and the tears streaming down her face sped up Reflectedrain's heart. "Spell...are you hurt?

[/color]" Words tumbling from his tabby maw of their own accord, he raced toward her, and faced her, eyes searching her own for an answer. His brow crumpled, forming a slight 'v', and the tom frowned. Who had done this? Blinking, his concerned expression returned, and he stared at the female. "Stop cryin', Spell. There's nothing to cry over. I'm here for you.[/color]" Subtle, hidden meaning laced his last words, his eyes wide and his heart longing for her. Affection blazed deeply in his eyes, and all he wanted was to find the evil in the world that had caused her pain and tear it apart with his claws, never to hurt her again. What would he do when he found out he'd done it himself?[/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]

[raid]

eyes still blurry. her nose found his smell before she needed her vision to identify who it was exactly. it was the tabby tom she wanted away from her the most. of course she hadn't been near him as much as she wanted. it was train, train, and train to get closer to him. and yet he was spending his extra time with other cats. when she was free, he was not. when he was free, she wasn't. everything was pushing and pulling them away from each other and away from what they both sought out. at least what she sought to find. what she needed to be peaceful at last. she had no cat to be close to besides him. and now her closest "family member" was farther away than where they had began.

he was coming towards her and she knew not how to react. she wanted to run from him, from that sickening voice that flew from his maw. yet she wanted to run to him, curl into his side and stay there. her mind and her heart were at war, with her soul unsure of which side to settle with. more words. words, words, words. he was there for her? him. no. that was some jumble of lie right there. she gave a yowl before pushing herself away from him. paws scattered over the rocks,her eyes blinking away the fiery tears. "You're here for me?!" voice was raised, fear mixed with anger. yet her heart longed to move towards him. the battle pulled her closer to him, her ebony body shaking with her soft sob.

she took a deep breath, trying to find some sort of serenity within the moment. her eyes held accusation and rage, wishing that she could just spill out what was wrong. but it wasn't that easy. or was it? "That's such a lie Reflectedrain." she spat, her tail flicking angrily. "I'm there for you, or I was till you started finding interest in other she-cats!" crying took over once again, her sobs shaking her chest as her lungs took in quick breaths to gather oxygen. she had been holding her breath, pushing herself into an even more flustered state. "All I've done is try to give, give, give. I work myself to breaking point to speed up these last few moons so that maybe, just maybe when I become a warrior, you'll still be waiting for me."

her head dropped, body following to let herself curl up once more. let her find somebody else who would recognize what was wrong. let her find somebody who wanted to be with...don't give me a darkfog, don't let him be my father.... she shook once more, eyes still glaring over her tail at the tabby tom. terrified that he might turn and leave, her paws twitched against the rocks, ready to go after him.

[lily ♫]

The tom's ears didn't detect the emotions in her tone, mistaking them for hysteria, and he nodded. "Of course I'm here for you, Spell.

[/color]" He added, wanting to run his tail down the length of her body in soothing strokes, and to nuzzle her right on the spot. But her next words sent a cold shiver through him, but he was anything but chilled. Instead, he was slowly burning inside, the heat intensifying with each new string of words the femme managed to extrapolate from her obsidian maw. "Why the hell would I lie to you Spellpaw? Of all the cats I ever met, why would you make me start lying? First of all, I don't lie, and second of all -[/color]" Words cut off by the frustrating she-cat before him, he realized he'd been about to say, 'I actually care about you.[/color]' but her own words cut him off.

It was then that the fire within him became a raging inferno outside of him, too. "Other she-cats? Are you mad? What other she-cats do I have any interest in?[/color]" Reflectedrain spat at her, not his usual self. With his anger flooding his mind, he hardly realized what he'd said before he couldn't stop himself. "You're it, Spellpaw.[/color]" He said, pausing, realization flooding over him as he returned to normal, though slightly more chilly. "You're it." Before she had even heard him, she was off in another rant as she started crying harder. It hurt him to see her cry like that, but he couldn't do anything. He had no power, there.

As the meaning of her words filtered through his mind, he froze. Ice ran through his veins, and coldness took place of any other emotion in his eyes. "What does it look like? Am I running away from you? No. I'm waiting by giving it my all to the Clan so I don't become a sobbing mess. My mentor is dead. The only father figure I had, the only one I respected, and now you're throwing a hissy fit because I'm trying to distract myself from it? Thanks. Thanks so much, Spellpaw. You made it to your breaking point when you stopped listening.[/color]" His words were so cold that it almost hurt him to speak them. Almost, as he had said them anyway.

The sleek, ebony female and used her words as thorns and embedded them into his pelt. He was hurt because of what she had said, but he showed no emotion. Was this really worth fighting over? 'Yes.[/color]' Reflectedrain answered his own question with so much vigor that he was surprised he hadn't said it out loud. 'I'd fight off Clans to keep her safe, just to be with her for a few moments, just to show her I do care. That I am waiting. That I won't stop fighting as long as it's for her.[/color]' The pure intesity of his thoughts made him long for the day she would join him as a warrior. Accompanying her on patrols, hunting with her, letting each other be free. It wouldn't be soon enough.[/justify][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[raid]

A sickening laugh rolled from her maw. Her first move was made. He wanted to play the icy bone chilling card, let him. Her maw curled back into a snarl. She was used to this. This so called "tough love". But she was it wasn't she? That's what he had said and for a moment she found that soft spot in her wanting to give in. But his icy tone sunk in and she found her gray eyes imagining the very scene of tearing fur from his tabby pelt. She was finding her harsh side. It was hard to keep her feelings separated. He wasn't the one who had ran away from her so why was she treating him as if he was? His words ran through and through again, trying to figure out what the right move was. The ball was in her court,..wasn't it always.

Spellpaw's first reaction was to tell him off and walk away. He had hurt her more speaking than holding his tongue and now she would show him. Her reaction had been chosen. Flying to her paws she moved towards him in a quick stride, her fur standing on end. Her tears were gone as her blood simmered from the hostility she held inside. "My breaking point?! You dropped me like YOU didn't care. Your mentor died, my mother died. My father is gone. You want to sit here and talk about my so called hissy fit?! Accuse yourself of one too. " She snarled, her tail lashing back and forth as her eyes stared at him, portraying a different message than her words and body language.

Her eyes were connecting with her heart...the one he held. Her eyes longed to be with him, holding nothing but love and the want to reach out to him. She sighed with the realization. She was hurt because he was hurt. They both had their problems...and now...they were taking it out on each other. The she-cat dropped her head, and turned to walk away. "I'm sorry Reflectedrain...I just...I just......I just,...it's not friendship anymore...." Her voice was soft, the words getting caught in her throat. Her hostility had vanished when she had caught his eyes moments ago. The very eyes that had convinced her to go back to the clan...

"...i can't stop feeling more than that. " Pushing a rock with a paw, she kept her back to him. But she did allow herself to sit, to curl her tail around her paws and to try to find herself in a comfortable cozy place.

[lily ♫]

Drying tears glistened in her swarthy, ebony fur, enticing the tom to the beautiful female. She was gorgeous in his emerald flecked cerulean eyes, and the way he felt now made him sure that she would always look like this to him. Spellpaw. The way her body moved so fluidly when she turned away from her after she spoke her own matching set of hurtful words. Wincing as if he had been stricken, Reflectedrain couldn't bite back his honest retort. "Like I didn't care? Do those eyes of yours work? Does that brain? What about your heart? It works, doesn't it?

[/color]" He whispered, the words lightly drifting through the tension-filled air. Not a single accusation hid itself in his words, but his frustration laced each syllable. Why couldn't she just open up to him like before and make this easier for him? That wasn't how life worked, though, and the young tabby had yet to learn it.

But she had turned away by now, keeping him out of her life once more. It pained him to the very core, made him want to run wildly away, rejecting his feelings for her. But he couldn't. Not now, not while the sleek femme before him struggled with her own words. Reflectedrain could stand to wait, and he did. But her words weren't what he wanted to hear. 'Not friendship? Wh-what?[/i]' Holding the words inside, his own eyes began to sting before Spellpaw could finish.

Clack.

A rock hit another, pushed by the female, and his attention flew upward, directly onto her. His eyes locked onto the she-cat before him as she sat there, fearing for the end of the world before she would hear him not return his feelings. But no, he did. It was what he wanted to hear from her, but now, in the moments after her admittance, the young warrior found himself without words. All he could do was step forward, pause, and then sit beside her. Turning his head to the side, he turned her head into his shoulder, pressed himself against her entirely, closed his eyes, and purred.[/blockquote][/blockquote]