can you feel it coming? [open]

[misted]

Rain fell softly onto VertigoClan’s territory, like it had been doing all day; the stones and boulders dimly reflected the pale grey sky and were slightly hard to walk on, without falling off. The evergreen trees swayed in the wind every so often, showing hunting cats with droplets of water as they tried to hide from the rain. This was usual new-left weather of course, but many cats wished for even a small amount of sunshine, however weak it may be in this early season. They wanted to feel the warmth of the sun on their pelt, it would certainly help they dry off. And everything looked so beautiful in the sun, unlike the bleak weather at the moment.

Many cats were sat around in the camp, the trees gave more protection from the weather here than the rest of the territory. The rain still fell, but at the angle it was falling at the trees blocked quite alot of it. The wind was also not entering the camp, it was much warmer in the camp without the harsh wind and rain, and the cats which were sat there knew that, some probably pitying those who had to go on patrol or hunt, thinking of them, sodden and cold. Why they were sat there, slightly damp and warm. But someone had to do the patrols, and someone had to hunt, whatever the weather.

The cats in the camp must seem smart, getting out of the wind and most of the rain. But the smartest cats were curled up in their dens, they may not be asleep but they were dry and cosy. Every cat loved to be in their den, it was a peaceful place, not much happened there but you could just lay there and think, or daydream, whatever you wanted to do. In the apprentices den a few bodies were curled up, their sides rising and falling with their breathing. It was unknown whether they were awake or not, all of the cats had their eyes closed and were laying still, well, most of them.

Lightningpaw was sat up, looking at the cats before her, she didn’t know who was who, and it wasn’t all of the apprentices. Should she see if someone was awake? Or should she go outside and find someone? Sure it may be nice and warm in the den but she was getting restless, she wanted to go outside and do something! Play, hunt or just talk. But staying in here was boring; there was nothing to do except lay down and sleep, boring! How did they stand it? Though they probably weren’t as impatient as Lightningpaw was, she needed to go and do something.

It would help if she was on patrol, or training. But she had already been on a patrol earlier in the day and Darkfog was nowhere to be seen, she had been outside a while before and not seen him anywhere, she had even poked her head into the warriors den to look for him, with disgruntled mews from the occupants. He was probably hunting or something, exactly what Lightningpaw wanted to do, she may seem like a silly furball for wanting to do it in this weather, but at least it kept her occupied. She would probably annoy some other cats if she was kept sat in the den for ages.

She scrambled out of the den and looked around, what could she do? She could talk to someone, but whom? She liked making friends with others but they were already talking to each other, it wasn’t fair. She always got it like this, usually too late to have a conversation with anyone. Some cats where sharing tongues, some just laying in the shade of some trees, they obviously didn’t want to be stuck in the den either. She was glad she wasn’t the only one, it would be horrible to be out here alone, but still, having no-one to talk to was close behind that.

Lightningpaw caught sight of a cat eating a piece of fresh kill, and her own stomach protested. She hadn’t eaten anything today, maybe she should? But she would have to make sure everyone else had eaten first. She looked around, everyone looked well fed, which was odd as the prey wasn’t quite as good as it should be at the moment. She went and quickly checked the elders too; they were busy eating a hare that was caught earlier. So she was okay then, she could eat? She ran to the fresh kill pile and searched for the smallest piece of prey that she could find, a small squirrel. She wasn’t greedy; she would just take a little.

She sat down with her squirrel and took a bite, this was fine for now but what would she do afterwards? She would still be bored. Hopefully someone would come who she could talk to, or play with. Maybe she would go out in the territory if no-one came, and just hunt. It may work, she would be running around in the rain after prey, it certainly sounded like it would take her mind off being bored but she didn’t want to get that wet at the moment, just a few moments out in the clearing and she already has a small layer of water on her fluffy pelt. No rain for her!

[MiNTY♥]

It was nice to be able to lose yourself in thought, it was peaceful, it was perfect. Most importantly it wasn't lonely. Her thoughts kept her company, a lot of the time she didn't need more than that. In Delirium all she had for company were her thoughts. If she had started talking to any of them, well she might have turned out like them. To her own surprise though, she hadn't gone crazy or insane keeping her own company either. Well, she had to keep her own company with the lack of Darkfog's presence. Nothing surprising though. It was hard to believe sometimes, how she had followed her heart instead of her paws for once. She could even go as far as saying she had been pretty stupid for doing that. For instance, she could always trust her head, it managed to guide her through the hardest of times. It always seemed to come up with a reasonable solution to her problems for her. She wasn't surprised she didn't have any friends anymore. Her heart was evil. It had resulted in all of this. Yet, she had always looked after Darkfog, he needed it, he had needed guidance, and she had helped him along the way. Then there was his apprentice. She had always seemed quite nice, a little annoying, but she would never have thought she would have returned from Delirium to find what she did. She also would never have thought that she would still be pondering over all of this. Why couldn't she just forget? Of course right on call she was reminded as she felt a light pressure on her belly.

"Sallowkit, calm down." She meowed, half opening one of her turquoise eyes to get a better look at the kit. Her kit. Milkkit lay beside him, only she was a lot more peaceful that her brother. The queen lay watching them for a few more moments before her eyes gently fell shut again. She looked so peaceful lying there, her soft white pelt rising and falling as she changed the air in her lungs. She was not at ease like most queen's would be in the nursery, she was lying down with all her limbs tucked neatly underneath her. Occasionally one of her kits would press their nose to her pelt, but she didn't stir. They were getting bigger now, getting older. Maybe soon she could leave this den. Though, she had to admit she was enjoying having the den all to herself, well almost. She began to remind herself how she didn't need friends to get on with her life. She had been perfectly fine before and she had never had many friends. Well, she had Darkfog, Abysspaw and Radianteclipse. Darkfog still liked to have time to himself, Abysspaw whom was now Abyssbird had betrayed her and she was keeping Radianteclipse at paw's length. Goodness. What she managed to get herself into. It was also strange how others like to stay clear of her, they had done so ever since she had returned. Was it her stronger build that had scared them? Or were they all still weary of her turquoise eyes that you could easily get lost in. They had always been like that. It wasn't her fault that she didn't often show a lot of emotion, and she was level-headed, or well, she used to be level-headed, just like her name would suggest. How could one blame her for being a little nippy after what she had been through?

Not a lot of time had passed before Sallowkit interrupted her thoughts again. "I want to go outside." the kit complained to her. Opening her eyes she gave Sallowkit a look, before rousing Milkkit and herding them outside the nursery. The two kits began to play, but she simply sat down again. Her eyes focusing on something far away.

[misted]

The squirrel that she had taken from the fresh kill pile had not been large, but nothing really was at the moment. Prey was scarce; she had found that out when she had gone hunting the day before. But even though her meal was small, she took her time with it. What was the point in rushing it? She would still have nothing to do after she had done, and sitting and chewing still left her mind to think, keeping her bored. Was there anything around here that would save her from this boredom? Apparently not, this was a really bad day, if only it was sunny and she would go out hunting.

The most Lightningpaw could do now was to watch the swaying tree-tops while she chewed on her prey, how did wind work anyway? Was it StarClan? Just about everything was, it could be their breath, helping the air move again. StarClan were really amazing, she hadn’t thought about it much. Sure you thank them for your prey, and bury the bones to honour them but they did much more, prophecies, and the lives of leaders. Would she ever see StarClan? Surely, if she died. But what if she saw them before she died? That would be amazing, to see StarClan.

If she got her dream and became a leader she could see them, there was only a slim chance she would get this but she would try with everything she had. She may be small but she was sure if she trained hard enough she was be great, she could help the clan as a warrior and even more if she became a leader! Maybe Darkfog could teach her what a leader needs to know, so she could try it. And the other things, like fighting, hunting and patrolling. She needed to know them, all warriors knew them. She would be a great warrior, one of the greatest!

She finished her squirrel and wipes her tongue around her mouth. What would she do now? She was back at the beginning again, at least she wasn’t hungry. She was hungry in another way, hungry for excitement, or just anything interesting. It didn’t matter what, StarClan, give her something fun to do! She was just sat in a quiet camp, when she could be having a great time with other cats! She had to think harder, surely there had to be something tat she could do to pass the time, go look for Darkfog, see if another apprentice wanted to play?

Her left ear twitched as she heard pawsteps behind her, too light for a warrior. She could easily tell younger cats from the older ones, she wasn’t trying to be insulting or anything but warriors sounded quite a bit heavier than those younger. She turned around and watched as two kits came out of the nursery and began to play, followed by their mother? It was probably their mother, who else would be with them in the nursery? The queen was quite pretty, but Lightningpaw didn’t know her name, began with a S or something. Had Darkfog told her at sometime?

She watched the kits play, she wanted to join them. She may be an apprentice but she still loved a good game, she even looked like a kit. One of the kits actually looked bigger than her, or around her size. Would they like to play with an apprentice? She knew that she other apprentices didn’t like to play as much as her, maybe StarClan had heard her and sent out the kits to play? But that sounded quite... she didn’t know, selfish? Why would StarClan send out some kits for her to play? She wasn’t very important, it would be a coincidence.

She walked over, heading more to the queen than the kits. If they wanted her to play maybe they would ask, she wouldn’t be ruse and butt right in, even if she did want something to do. Though all the time she walked over to the queen she kept her eyes on them, she liked being a kit, getting to play all day. But being an apprentice was slightly better, she could learn to hunt and fight AND play! It was a win-win situation here. Though sometimes she missed not being able to play with Shadepaw, that reminded her, where was he? Probably training. Anyway, back to the cats.

Lightningpaw sat down on the stones and earth, not too close to the queen, she couldn’t be sure if she knew her, best to be polite. Not that she wasn’t, but sometimes she got carried away and exited. She said sometimes, more like all the time. Like a kit, why did she have to be so kit-like? She would love to seem more mature, but cats like that probably didn’t have as much fun, what a shame. She looked at the queen for a moment, she should say something to her, be nice. “Hello,” She said quietly, the queen looked like she was concentrating, she hoped she wouldn’t annoy her.

[MiNTY♥]

What made her think she even needed him? She had been just fine before. Being on her own was what she always did best, and where she felt most comfortable. Why did she need help now if she had never needed it before? What had changed? Of course she didn't need anyone. She was perfectly capable of looking after herself, after all, she had turned out alright and had basically brought herself up. Of course, she wasn't getting old or anything, it would be fair to say that she was still pretty young. Well, compared to a lot of others in the clan.

Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne

It wasn't like she had ever really needed any protecting. Her claws were good enough for her, especially after her little 'holiday'. Her claws were in better training than ever, quite possibly more talented than many. That was one of the few good things that came out of being with those cats. Mind you, all they did was spend their time training. That was why there were so huge. Why they could be so intimidating. She had looked them in the eye with no fear. She had stood her ground, up to a point. It's not like she was a kit or anything. Not to mention those toms always thought they were all that, just because they had a bit of meat on their bones.

Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no

In a way they had taken her in and made her a better warrior, but in another way, she was never useless in the first place. She had just been more level-headed at the start. Now she tended to lose her temper more easily. It wasn't totally her fault, it was just something that had rubbed off on her. She wasn't happy with herself for having a temper. Maybe she would have to get a name change? Who was she kidding. She would always be Serenewinter, and she could never picture herself with any other name. It wouldn't be natural. It wouldn't seem right. She could still live up to her name anyway couldn't she? It wasn't all that hard to be serene.

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance

Of course, before, little had surprised her, or angered her. She wasn't over-protective. She didn't have to think about anyone else unlike now, when she couldn't stop herself. It wasn't as if she had been selfish before. Of course she had cared, she just hadn't been full aware of it. Now that she had let herself admit that she cared about others it had all gone pear-shaped, been turned upside down, whatever you wanted to consider it. Her delicate white tail teased the dirt on the ground, sending up small specks of dust. Why had she even let all this happen? She had been strong. She could go back to that and look after herself couldn't she? Why had it taken her this long to realize it? she had to make an effort. She would make an effort. Things would go back to the way they had been before. They would. She would make them.

So, by keeping her heart protected
She'll never, ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love

It should have been more obvious what she had to do before now. She should have realized this a lot quicker than she had. After all, she was intelligent right? Yes! Of course she was. For once in a long time a very small smile began to tease at the corner's of her maw. Just then, she heard another, interrupting her thought. Here it goes Serene, make yourself proud of those twinkle paws. She didn't want to wait any longer to make her fresh start, so why not start right now? It was the perfect opportunity for her. The queen brought herself back to the present and looked round at the smaller she-cat. Her first thought was apprentice and that made her a little cautious. Also. She was Darkfog's apprentice. Was Lynxstar honestly trying to wind her up? Hah. Two could play at that game. Nobody. Nobody at all would be taking anything from her paws anytime soon.

When miss independent walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought today
What happened to miss no longer afraid?

Standing up she stretched out her lean bodice and life flashed into her turquoise eyes like lights going on inside her. "Hello." She meowed. It had been a while since she had spoken to anyone besides her kits. Her meow rang out like wedding bells almost, it was beautiful - just like it had been before. If she hadn't just decide to make an effort there however, her immediate reaction would have been to narrow her eyes and bring her kits closer. But she didn't, and she was making an effort.

[misted]

Lightningpaw was sure that someone had told her about this queen before, she just didn’t know who, or why. It was possible that Darkfog had told her about the queen, why had she been told about her? Was she Darkfog’s friend? That could be possible, she was quite sure that it had been Darkfog that had told her, he was her mentor after all, he told her alot of things. Yes, he had told her names of cats, she hadn’t been paying much attention then, she had times like that. Times when she was off in her own world, running around and just being... hyper.

An s... s? What name did she know that began wit an S? She could make up quite alot but she couldn’t put one with this queen, she was white, so maybe a cold bit. Ice? Snow? Winter? Bells rang in her head, her name had winter in it, she just had to think of the prefix, the s word. Lots of s words fitted with the winter suffix, but none were right. It had to be a pretty one, like the cat was. She really was quite pretty, no wonder she had kits, lots of toms must like Serenewinter.

Serenewinter! She knew that she would get it in the end, maybe if she didn’t want to play and she was calmer she would have got it quicker. She was trying very hard to be calm around the queen though, she didn’t know if she had ever met her. Her memory was quite bad on these things, but with some time she could usually remember. The first time she had met Darkfog was okay, but the next day she had forgotten what he looked like. Luckily this only happened a few times, she would be a pretty bad leader forgetting who everybody was.

She wondered if Serenewinter knew who she was, most of the warriors knew who she was without Lightningpaw knowing who THEY were. It was strange, but she knew that she would learn all of their names sometime. She would have to if she was going to be a leader. She wondered how Lynxstar did it, she must be really clever. She had to look after everyone in the clan, warriors, apprentices, kits, queens, elders... everyone! She hoped that when she was older she would be able to do the same thing. She just thought that being a leader would be the best think in the world.

Lightningpaw knew that it would be, she would have nine lives so that she could protect her clan for longer than if she had one, though she would still have to be careful, she doubted she would forget how many lives she had left, that would be so stupid, to forget something very important. She wondered if you knew when you lost a life, did you go unconscious? She had seen some cats go like that, obviously not leaders, but they were still, like they were sleeping. People always got worried when that happened; maybe it was easy to die if you were unconscious.

Serenewinter made her feel slightly nervous when she was looked at. Had she done something wrong? Or maybe Serenewinter just wanted to make sure she remembered that, sometimes she had to do that to make it really stick in her head. Like training, she watched Darkfog do it and if she wasn’t concentrating it could be gone in a few minutes so she had to pay alot of attention to it. She didn’t know if other cats had to do that too, they were probably better at stuff like that, remembering. Sometimes she really felt like a kit. She was seven moons! She should be more mature.

Lightningpaw had forgotten about the kits slightly, she had wanted to play with them, and she still did. But maybe she should talk to Serenewinter; she seemed quite nice even if she was staring at her funnily. Maybe Darkfog did know her, that could be why she was told her name. She also wondered what the kits names were, they were nice kits, even if one was nearly bigger than her. She always liked kits; they never ran out of energy, a bit like her! And because she was about the same size others didn’t usually worry about her hurting them. It was a bit of a let down to know that they thought you weren’t as strong as other apprentices though.

What could she say to the queen? She wanted to keep the conversation going; maybe Serenewinter could be hr friend! That would be good, she liked alot of friends. Most of the apprentices she was okay with, her brother was a friend as well. But a older friend would be good, maybe one day Darkfog could be her friend too. That would be really, really good! She just had to find ways to keep talking to them. “Your kits are very cute,” Lightningpaw commented, looking at the kits with her bright eyes. They were cute, they looked a little like Serenewinter.

[raid]

I want, to bring you, all that is in my heart.
I want to give you, my everything.
But I've failed you. I've failed you so many times.

Lynxstar was obviously trying to kill him. Obviously trying to rip his heart out of his chest like he had tried so many times to achieve and yet, never could get the job done. Others had always...come to the rescue. Always...saved him when that last bit of light was slowly fading away. It was all the past times, all those trial and errors that had built him to be as he was. The failures...everything was a failure in his life. Almost...everything. But yet again the fails could be looked at as triumphs to others. By living through the hard trials that he put himself through, others seemed to be happy for him. But the tom could not be happy for himself. At least...part of him could not be happy for himself. Part of him could, at least at some times.

How can I stand here? How can I stand here before you?
When I begin to steal what only belongs to you
I am able to bring You nothing that isn't already Yours

He had, Serenewinter...the kits that weren't his but were. Life was, at the least to say, messed up? Bahaha. Let life claw its way through the shadowy veil he had put up around him. Let life try to drag him down. Lynxstar was the force behind it as of now. With Starclan on a rampage the only thing he could hope for was the Lynxstar would see that he did not want this apprentice, this Lightningpaw. He had been off to find Serenewinter...and as his eyes found her, and the kits, his but not his, they also found Lightningpaw. He was tempted. Tempted to run but also tempted to make his presence known. This was how everything had started before. Apprentice. Abysspaw. Friend. Serenewinter. Disappearance. Love. Forbidden. Kits, hers, that were actually his. Return to this mess. Serenewinter. Kits, hers, but not his. Father that he never was, he had become. His life could be summed up in small short phrases. None of which meant anything unless you were part of the sticky spiderweb they all hung in. Darkfog was of course able to skim across it, the venomous spider luring all into his trap he had placed without notice. It wasn't his fault, right?

I am so ashamed of what I ever called my own
Take what I have, take these broken remains
What can I give to You that You don't already deserve

Wrong. Snap back to reality Darkfog. Your mind was not in the time it should be. Your mind was wrong, your heart was wrong...your feelings are wrong. Your body is right. But what control does your body have over all the other organs. None. It's a casing, and as are all the cats you surround yourself with. Paws grew heavy as he slowly moved towards them. He could do this, afterall...she was there. Serenewinter, the peacemaker in his chaotic mind. To him she was a light, and not in the same sense as the other lights. He didn't want her to burn out, didn't want this flame to flicker and die. He took her in, the light that shone throughout the day and the night. The everlasting flame burning in his body. Not his mind, not his heart...for they were wrong and had failed him many times before. But yet he found her there as well, and if she was there...and with his body, then maybe his heart and mind has been right all along. Eyes found the kits, those who were his and yet not...

You laid down Your life when I refused to give mine

"Serenewinter...Lightningpaw."
Things had changed alright...things had changed.

[sandpoppy]

Bluesmoke shook his head clearing the raindrops from his ears. Rain really wasn't that bad. He liked listening to it as it pattered on the trees when he was going to sleep, not to mention the water in a puddle always seemed to be sweeter then anywhere else. But it wasn't to fun to sit in. Well that was obvious. He looked at the vole he was eating. Such a scrawny thing. Ah well. He finished it up in a few quick bites and looked around the camp. What now? He had already gone hunting. He notice Serenewinter and her kits where out. He started to walk toward them and then saw Darkfog. He stopped. It wasn't that he was afraid of the older warrior, just a little nervous. "Oh for pity's sake he's my clanmate" After a moments hesitation he walked the rest of the way. "Hello Serenewinter. Lightningpaw" His eyes brighten up when he saw the apprentice. He liked her energetic nature but had never gotten a chance to really talk to her. "Darkfog" He gave the tom a slightly nervous nod. "Your kits look well" He tried to smile brightly but it was hard. Every time there were kits in the clan he was scared to death he would have to mentor one of them. In a strange way he almost wished he could. He pushed that thought out of his mind. There were several warriors who were older and had more experience then him, Lynxstar would chose one of those. But the fear lingered. If he was asked to be a mentor he would have to say yes. He would feel like he was neglecting his duties if he didn't. "How old are they?" It was a natural question right? He hoped so. He flashed a quick glance at Lightningpaw. Perhaps they could get to know each other. It would be nice to have a friend that didn't make him feel nervous like the other warriors did.


OOC: Sorry, I stink at intro posts.