every time she closed her eyes- - - veil/crystal

[Swift ✱]

The tabby-point she-cat made her way back across the clearing. Her paw-steps were silent, but had a quickened unease in them. Her long, silky fur waved freely in the slight breeze of sun-high. Her thoughts were swirling in her head and she felt a little dizzy. She had been awake for a while now. A nightmare had woken her before sunrise. She had gone out to hunt and to clear her thoughts before anyone else was awake. When she came back with only a mouse to show for her efforts, she knew that she was off-form. She hadn't been able to concentrate on anything since waking up. Usually her hunting skills were moderately good, but today she seemed to mess it up. Every sense seemed to be intensified, but instead of making her hunting more efficient, she found that it was making her head reel and her eyes go out of focus. Was she coming down with something? She couldn't be. She was only after being made warrior; she couldn't get sick almost right away after her ceremony. That would be horrific.

Crystalbreeze's nightmares seemed to have subsided for a while. Towards the end of her apprenticeship she noticed that the nightmares were less frequent than they had been before. She had befriended Glenshade and Veilpaw. That seemed to make her relax enough to get some easy sleep regularly enough. But then, after her warrior ceremony her sleep became more troubled. She kept it to herself and nobody had noticed any change in her behavior – not that there was anyone to notice a change. She hadn't said anything about them to anyone - not Glenshade who was the only one she would have gone to about such a thing, or maybe Veilpaw, but she didn't feel like bringing it up because it would involve dragging up past experiences along with explanations and Crystalbreeze didn’t feel up to it. Her father was the shadow in her dreams, she knew he was. She saw his teeth flashing her a mocking smile that seemed to say you can't hide from me., but nothing else. She stopped pacing. She shut her eyes tightly, willing her mind to stop assembling images of what he did to her mother, the only one who cared for her. His eyes had such an malicious, sparking glint in their amber depths.

Her eyes flew open. Stop, stop, stop, stop... Her breaths quickened. She sat down, curling her tail around her paws anxiously and taking a deep, shuddering breath. Of all things to scare her, why was it her dreams? She was safe! She was as safe as she could get and surrounded by her clan. The clan wouldn't let one of them face anything alone. But Crystalbreeze wasn't really one of them, was she? She was the strange, silent, loner kit who had turned up and taken advantage of the clan's hospitality. She knew that they had looked upon her with distrust. She was still here now - but should she be? She was glad to occupy her thoughts with something else, even if it wasn't as happy as she had hoped.

word count | 522
tagged | veilpaw (dawneh) only

[Dawn]

VEILPAW

[/font][/color]

I hope it haunts me 'til I'm hopeless,
I hope it hits you when you go

In his sleep, he had given off slight noises, and kicked himself away from his siblings, rolling off to the edge of the ferns. There were only three apprentices in the den now; Rowanpaw, Dewpaw, and himself. It felt so much emptier without all the others, even Glenshade. They had all slept so closely in their nests, and now, with all of the empty spaces, he felt almost like a dislodged puzzle piece. There was no longer anything to stop him from rolling, no longer anyone to hold him together. Veilpaw missed that, sometimes. He missed lying awake, listening to the breathing of all of the cats around him, and hearing as each cat fell into slumber. Even Crystalbreeze had seemed to sleep well then. He wondered, powerfully, how she was now. It had seemed like moons since they'd spoken, and of course he had never been as close to her as Glenshade, but he would always be there for her. He would always want to be her friend.

They'll call us lonely when we're really just alone.

It was almost sunhigh when the apprentice finally crept from his den. Mercifully, Hallowstar had allowed him to sleep, after he had accompanied some of the warriors on a midnight patrol last night. He anticipated meeting the leader as he finally woke, but the cool clearing seemed surprisingly empty for it being only sun high. Pausing to taste the air, Veilpaw's nostrils flared. The warriors that had been on the midnight patrol were still asleep, dozing together where it was warm in their den. There had been a patrol sent out recently, but he couldn't smell his mother, Fatesong, or his mentor, Hallowstar, at all. Odd. Perhaps he was reading too much into it. The scents of many cats coming and going could have overpowered those of his mother and Hallowstar leaving on the dawn patrol. Yes, that's it... He was still slightly troubled though, so much so that he almost didn't see Crystalbreeze, sitting a ways from the fresh kill pile.

The pile was dangerously low; there was a fresh mouse on it, a couple of moles, a blackbird that looked old and stringy, and a squirrel of indeterminate age. Veilpaw would have to make his own contributions to the fresh kill before he could eat; the elders, rude Thorntail, friendly Birchfoot, and Pounceflash, would have to be fed first. Also, he would want to bring something for the elderly medicine cat, Fawndance, to share with her apprentice Panaceaheart. He had only just met the medicine cat apprentice, but he was already fond of her, despite her distant personality. That's a lot of prey. The clan was quite large, and Veilpaw often wondered if Celestialclan territory had ever sustained so many before. By the scents of Crystalbreeze as he approached, she had already been out hunting. He guessed she hadn't been very successful, by the state of the pile, and felt a prickle of anxiety. If the warrior, an expert hunter, had brought so little back, how would he, an apprentice, manage to bring anything back for the elders?

His own worries were instantly forgotten when he got close enough to see Crystalbreeze's expression. Her blue eyes seemed troubled, despite their breathtaking beauty, and she radiated an emotion he couldn't quite place. Fear...? "Hey, Crystalbreeze." Veilpaw murmured, padding up close enough that he could peer at her cautiously with yellow eyes but not getting so close as to get into her space. "Do you want to talk?" His soft look of concern betrayed the care he held for the young warrior that had shared his den with not all that long ago. She might be best friends with the cat that despised him the most, but she would always be a friend to him. Veilpaw was just that way; if Glenshade hadn't tried to make an enemy of him from day one, he supposed that they might be friends, too.

WORD COUNT: 656 TAGGED: Crystalbreeze (Swifty) NOTES: Yay! C: Talking time with Crystal and Veil. If, that is, silly Veil can get Crystal to open up a little.

TEMPLATE BY KATIEBABY! OF CAUTION 2.0[/center]

[Swift ✱]

She should have heard the paw steps coming towards her. But somehow, Veilpaw had padded up to her undetected. She was looking the other way. She heard a voice at the same time that she saw something grey-ish moving out of the corner of her eye. Her whole body quivered with shock and her eyes widened in stricken surprise. It was just Veilpaw greeting her. She let out a shaking breath and looked downwards, embarrassed at her behavior and smiled weakly at him in acknowledgement, but the little smile didn’t reach her eyes. She frowned and chastised herself silently for being so jumpy. Now he was bound to remark on her activities somehow. She felt a little flicker of dread when he asked her if she wanted to talk. Damn it. Why had she been so stupid as to not notice him approaching and prepared herself? Crystalbreeze raised her head to look at him impassively, her eyes showing - hopefully - none of their previous alarm. "Not particularly," she said, apprehensively. "But I should really, shouldn't I?" she added quietly. She shook her head uneasily. "Sorry. I didn't mean to jump like that. I don't know what's wrong with me." But I do know what's bothering me.

She shifted her position uncomfortably and wondered how she could have gotten herself into such an awkward situation. Veilpaw was clearly being nice about it - to her relief. She could think of anyone else mocking her about her cowardice - which was exactly what she was: A coward. But she just couldn’t forget what had happened and put it out of her mind; she couldn't forget him. She was sick of the panic that rose inside of her at the thought of him and the dreams that haunted her, she was sick of the terrible feeling of waking in fear and she reprimanded herself for being bothersome to the other warriors that shared the den when she writhed in her nest during a disturbed sleep. She looked up. His eyes seemed to be glowing a bright yellow-green, looking fixedly into her face. Hoping for more answers, supposedly. She felt her fur go warm under the gaze and she drew in a breath, looking down at her paws quickly. Why was she behaving like this? She was irritated with herself. This was just going to embarrass her further. First jumping out her skin when he came over, and then staring at him? There was definitely something wrong with her.

"I'm just not right this morning. Ever since... I, uh..." she trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence. She picked up the sentence again after an uncomfortable moments' pause. "Ever since my warrior ceremony I have been too unsettled to sleep properly," she finished softly, not wanting to continue explaining any further. She could feel her heart beating fast. She didn't want to tell anyone about the dreams. If she did, they would just ask more questions and Crystalbreeze didn't know if she'd be able to answer the questions without feeling sick beforehand. She didn't want to go there. But as she glanced at Veilpaw, she knew that she couldn't, unfortunately, just leave it at that.

word count | 533
tagged | Veilpaw
notes | :D

[Dawn]

VEILPAW

[/font][/color]

I hope it haunts me 'til I'm hopeless,
I hope it hits you when you go

Veilpaw watched her, careful not to stare, but also studying her with caution. He noticed how her smile, minuscule really, didn't light her blue eyes in the slightest. It seemed forced- but even more forced was the stoic look that washed over her when she looked at him again. "Not particularly," He sighed aloud, but inwardly, groaned. Crystalbreeze had always been like this. For fear of hurting herself by sharing too much, or perhaps simply because she didn't want to burden others, she had always tried to be 'strong.' How couldn't she know that he would easily take some of her anguish onto his own shoulders? How couldn't she see how much he wanted to help, wanted to make things better for her? Veilpaw tried to do his part for everyone, even when they didn't want it. He could be, in some ways, quite annoying. The gray apprentice would never harass Crystalbreeze, however. If she said "Go," he would go. It was just that simple for him. "But I should really, shouldn't I?" Her added on question had been quieter than her first words, and he leaned forward just a little to hear her. Taking this as a good sign, but moving about the subject as cautiously as though he were afraid of scaring her away, Veilpaw nodded. "Yes,"

[/color] He mewed, very tentatively, "You definitely should."[/color]

They'll call us lonely when we're really just alone.

He didn't want to force her to do anything. Generally, the young tom was as careful with Crystalbreeze as though she might break otherwise. He knew that she was fragile, and he was always willing to take it into consideration when he spoke to her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to jump like that. I don't know what's wrong with me." Veilpaw shrugged. "There's nothing wrong with you." He smiled faintly. "I shouldn't be creeping around, trying to scare my friends!" He hoped the joke would lighten up the mood a bit. Veilpaw only realized when she looked up and then quickly looked away that he was embarrassing her with his gaze. He adverted his yellow eyes, looking to the side, trying to focus on the clump of ferns that was the apprentice's den. The green fronds were unusually still; probably no one was in the little den. His sister, Dewpaw, was probably out training with Firelily; and he was sure he had seen Rowanpaw heading out for an early patrol. Unless he had dreamed it, there was no other striped tom that he would've sleepily glimpsed slipping out of the den early that morning. And we, he thought for perhaps the hundredth time, are the only apprentices now.

He listened attentively, despite keeping his eyes fixed on the apprentice's den, as she spoke. When her voice quieted, words trailing away into an unpleasant pause, his yellow-green eyes flashed back to her face. He didn't leap to fill the silence, but instead gazed at her eyes, noticing how tired she looked. Cats rarely looked tired, as they slept a good portion of the day; but Crystalbreeze appeared almost haunted. He felt a pang, before shifting his gaze to his paws. "Ever since my warrior ceremony I have been too unsettled to sleep properly," Somehow, Veilpaw knew she didn't want to continue. If she had wanted to tell him why, the question that immediately leaped into his thoughts, she would've continued speaking, surely? He smiled sadly. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, Crystalbreeze." He uncurled his tail, the tip flickering out, before he tucked it about his paws again. "But if you do, want to I mean,"[/color] the tom's fur grew slightly warm, "You can. I'll listen, and I won't tell anyone. You can tell me, if you need to." He paused, considering. "Sometimes things hurt less if you share them with someone else."

WORD COUNT: 640 TAGGED: Crystalbreeze (Swifty) NOTES: n_n developing veilpaw a bit. he's such a sweetie. [/justify]
[/div]TEMPLATE BY KATIEBABY! OF CAUTION 2.0[/center]

[Swift ✱]

"There's nothing wrong with you. I shouldn't be creeping around, trying to scare my friends!" Crystalbreeze managed an shaky smile. It was genuine, if faint, but it only lingered for a short moment. But how wrong he was; there was something off about her - there had been for a while now. She swallowed. There was a terrible feeling in the pit of her stomach and she wondered if she should eat something. But she didn't need anything, really. She wasn't hungry. She didn't need anything from the already dwindling fresh-kill pile because the feeling was only that of apprehension. And all she could add to it today was a mere mouse. Even for her, that was dismal. Her wide eyes looked back to Veilpaw. He was so nice. He's just trying to help me, she thought, no need to be guarded and defensive. She wet her dry lips with a stiff pink tongue, wondering how to get out of this conversation.

"Sometimes things hurt less if you share them with someone else." Crystalbreeze frowned. Really? She hadn't exactly thought about it like that. She thought that if she kept it all to herself it would go away and she would bother anyone else with her problems. Her problems. She shook her head. "But they're my problems. How could I just dump them on somebody else?" she asked, her voice back to a soft murmur. She looked questioningly at Veilpaw. Surely he didn't want to hear about what was bothering her. Even if he had told her that he wouldn’t say a word to anyone else, what if he had to? When he actually heard what she had to say would he still think the same? She sighed. "I've been having these dreams. No, not dreams. Nightmares," she mewed. The words came out fast, like she had been holding them in for a while. Which, of course, she had been. She couldn't stop herself speaking until the words were out. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again.

She looked away, wincing at what she was about to say. I really shouldn't be saying anything, she thought, this is all going to blow up in my face, and then I'll really be sorry that I even said a word. "I've been having them since... my mother was killed." She shut her eyes, willing her father to stay away. Willing herself not to form the scenes of her mother's last moments. "She was murdered," she whispered. “I saw it.” She didn't want to say by who. She didn't want to tell Veilpaw anymore. She gasped for breath, almost sobbing in panic as her mind went where she didn't want it to go, showing her the pictures that would take over her dreams and would make her fear anything that crept up on her. "No. I-I can't talk about it," she whimpered, even though there was quite a bit more to the story. She shifted tensely, but stayed put. Her eyes shut tightly, and she felt dizzy and faint; like everything was spinning. "Sorry," she mewed helplessly. She couldn’t get any more words out. Her throat was tight and sore. She shook her head.

word count | 532
tagged | veilpaw (dawn)

[Dawn]

VEILPAW

[/font][/color]

I hope it haunts me 'til I'm hopeless,
I hope it hits you when you go

Though her smile was scarcely there, as flighty as the wind and disappearing after a few moments, he saw it. Veilpaw saw it, despite it's briefness, despite it's lack of warmth or staying power. He saw it, and he saw Crystalbreeze's sad beauty with his own genuine anguish. He sincerely hated to see any cat in pain, whether physical or mental, unless they absolutely deserved it. And he doubted that his warrior friend deserved any of the grief she was carrying with her. "You can't get rid of them completely," He murmured, instinctively lowering his own voice. "But if you let someone else know, you don't have to be alone with them. You don't have to feel crushed by them anymore."

[/color] That was how he felt, anyway. When he could speak heart to heart with his sister, Dewpaw, he felt much lighter, less concerned. It didn't matter what the problem was, big or small, complex or simple; it seemed like if he could just talk about it, it was easier to work out. Maybe Crystalbreeze didn't see things that way, though. Maybe she couldn't see that problems were manageable, and things tended to work themselves out in the end, even if it never seemed like they would.

As she looked at him questioningly, he continued to remain still, though his expression was open and unguarded. Veilpaw would share a bit of himself if he had to do it to open her up. Nightmares. About her mother's death. The fact that she'd even said so much was good. He wanted to encourage her, to tell her how strong she was. But he was afraid that if he did, if he broke the silence, she might run back away from him, and refuse to say anymore. "She was murdered." Veilpaw sensed that the air around them had changed with these words. He stepped toward her, very carefully, extremely wary. "Can I--?"[/color] The gray tom murmured, giving her a questioning look in return. "No. I-I can't talk about it." He closed the distance slightly, and pressed to her side for a brief moment. Once, his sister, Dewpaw, had told him how she'd reacted to contact between herself and Glenshade, at the time, Glenpaw. He didn't want to be the next one getting the cold shoulder, but he wanted to comfort her so badly it hurt. When he had drawn away, but still stood close, the tom meowed quietly, "Hey, Hey... It's okay, Crystalbreeze."[/color] He felt a pang of guilt for 'making' her talk about it, even though he hadn't. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You don't have to talk about it anymore."[/color] He frowned, struck by a thought of his own, about his own parents, and confusion about Crystalbreeze's situation. Her past. "I promise I won't tell anyone about it."[/color] He meant it. Had he not been feeling the damp chill of sorrow for her, he would've almost felt flattered that she had confided in him. She had spoken to him in confidence, even unwillingly, and he would never breathe a word of what she had said. Not to his mentor, Hallowstar- and not to Glenshade. If she wanted to tell him, she would; Veilpaw would keep her words to himself.


WORD COUNT: 538 TAGGED: Crystalbreeze (Swifty) [/justify]
[/div]TEMPLATE BY KATIEBABY! OF CAUTION 2.0[/center]

[Swift ✱]

"You can't get rid of them completely," Don't I know, Crystalbreeze thought wryly. Her eyes narrowed, like she was thinking about something, but her mind was blank. She was glad. But she still couldn't concentrate, her mind was just out of focus and her dreams still lingered behind her confusion. It would always be there, she realized now, but she'd just have to deal with it and carry on as she had been but this time she hoped the dreams would be less frequent. "But if you let someone else know, you don't have to be alone with them. You don't have to feel crushed by them anymore." She barely heard him. She didn't feel like going any deeper into this conversation. She'd gone far enough. Now, she didn't want to talk. And she wouldn't. She wouldn't say another word. Instead she would talk about insignificant things.

She didn't even feel it when he pressed his warm grey pelt against hers. If she had been thinking straight, she would have been startled and embarrassed. It was Veilpaw, after all. But instead she just sat silently, saying nothing. She couldn't get any words past the tightness in her throat. "Hey, Hey... It's okay, Crystalbreeze." It wasn't 'okay'. Nothing about this was okay. She kept her eyes closed. "I promise I won't tell anyone about it." She opened her eyes and looked at him, to see if he was genuine. Veilpaw was trustworthy. If he said something she would believe it. Crystalbreeze wasn't one to trust easily, but Veilpaw was different. She could trust him to keep his word. She nodded and looked down. "Thank you," she murmured, her voice soft and tentative. Maybe he was right. Maybe telling someone would help her in the long run. Maybe she wouldn't be quite as troubled now. But she couldn't get past thoughts of him. She could still see his silhouette joined with her mother's, only his was strong and hers was limp. Crystalbreeze sat, gazing ahead with empty eyes as if she wasn't really sitting in the camp with Veilpaw. Instead she was watching her father and mother from where she sat, frozen and rigid, watching the life drain from the red tabby's form.

"Veilpaw, I think that I've said more than I was going to. Thank you for listening," she mewed calmly. She closed her thoughts off and smiled vaguely at him as she stood up. She wouldn't let on how panicky she felt inside; she was in enough trouble for one day. But he was so nice to not freak out with her little breakdown. But she was fine now - or, as fine as she could be. Hopefully, the nightmares wouldn't be so frequent. Maybe she would be able to concentrate on more important things like hunting for the clan or patrolling. - making sure that no warriors were sparring with Tempestclan warriors like Jaspersun had. Crystalbreeze hadn't had much luck in the mentor department until Fatesong, Veilpaw's mother. Fatesong was her mentor, and although only for a short time, Crystalbreeze would remember what valuable lessons she had been given. Not just by Fatesong, but by all her previous mentors. She would make herself focus to make them proud.

word count | 537
tagged | Veilpaw (dawny)