there was never a time when i didn't know {Closed}

[Wolfy]

Glenpaw

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.

[/right]

Pouncing, the large paws of a charcoal tom stomped on his prey and dangled it up in the air between two claws. He heard a low growl followed by the whisking of wind. The tom squinted hard at the prey in his claws which seemed very far away now. He had thought he caught a mouse, but when he looked more closely, he saw what was not a rodent at all, but a cat. A young cat dangled from his claws and he stepped back, his honey glazed eyes wide with fear. "Don't let me go! Don't leave me!"[/color] The tom swallowed painfully and tried to set the cat down carefully, but his claws wouldn't cooperate with him and he dropped the small she-cat. He felt bigger than the world and this little she-cat was only a small leaf, but fell like a rock. He heard the splat of the fallen she-cat as she hit the ground hard. "Glenpaw help me!"[/color] The charcoal ran at the voice and sprinted towards death. When he reached the thunder-path, crimson darkened the deathbed. The she-cat, his sister, lay there as Death swept up and took her away. Then the world was shrouded in darkness.

Glenpaw woke up from his nightmare in the same place he's always in when he has this dream-his nest. Glenpaw tried to blink away the horrific nightmare as it washed over him and seeped into his charcoal fur. His white paws trembled beneath his large body and his breath went from heavy to slowly breathing. He swallowed painfully as he stood up from his dismissed sleep and looked around to find that only Crystalpaw remain in the den. It was past sun-high and the rest of the apprentices must have been out training. He had had a late night with Bearclaw for his warrior assessment. He'd become a warrior soon, Hallowstar promised. Glenpaw couldn't wait to become a warrior, of course, but some things were heavily rooted in his mind. One was these dreams, he wanted them to stop. Every night it gets worse, the tom kept believing that he killed his sister, Ivypaw, even though she was taken by the thunder-path that she ran into. But all the same, Glenpaw was infected by the dream. Another thing that was bothering him was Crystalpaw. Not that she was bothering him of course, but that his heart was bothering him. He liked his friend too much than he should. Or too much than she knew of. His softness and gentle tone around her should be enough to give his feelings for her away, but even she couldn't love a beast like he. Who would? But he was also wary that she didn't love him, but she loved Veilpaw. Veilpaw-ugh- a despicable cat. His sister Dewpaw wasn't much better, but his brother Rowanpaw and he had grown close in the past two moons. Now he was in the den with the she-cat that he lov-that he had come to understand. She understood him too it seemed. Crystalpaw. Just her name calmed him enough, but what he really wanted to do was explain to her the problems he was having in his dreams. He had never let anyone in let alone into his deepest fears. Crystalpaw was special though, maybe she alone could help him.

"Crystalpaw?"[/color] Glenpaw murmured. "Can I talk to you?"[/color] His voice was muffled by his chattering teeth. Suddenly he was cold, but that might be because he was nervous. Whatever was going to happen, would happen, but he needed to tell Crystalpaw this before he became a warrior. It was all part of his plan.

[Swift ✱]

"Crystalpaw?"

Crystalpaw pulled her paw over her eyes. She was tired, the days were cold and she didn't like cold. She didn't feel like waking up, what was the point? All she would do is possibly help the elders. Glenpaw's voice interrupted her thoughts again and she frowned and groaned softly. "Can I talk to you?" She knew she'd have to respond now. Crystalpaw rolled over sleepily to face Glenpaw. She blinked open her bleary eyes. She saw Glenpaw staring back at her. She smiled. Sitting up stiffly, she rotated her shoulders, trying to ease the ache she got from the cold. The chilly air had gotten to her, giving her the sniffles. It wasn't too bad - yet, anyway. She glanced slowly around the den where she and Glenpaw were sitting. The apprentice den. How much longer would she have here? This was the first home Crystalpaw had known. In a way, she didn't want to move out of it; she had grown accustomed to sharing her living space with the other apprentices. In another way she was looking forward to the day when she would be deemed a full member of the clan. There were no other apprentices’ in the den. Veilpaw must already have gone outside. It was just her and Glenpaw.

Glenpaw had been acting strangely for the past while. She couldn't figure him out. One minute he would be smiling away - something he didn't do too often, at least around the others - and the next he would go all quiet. She found him easy to get along with, but others – like Veilpaw – certainly didn’t. But she didn't know why the two didn't just get along. Maybe sometime they would both get over themselves and become aquaintances, but their stubborn heads were getting the better of them. From the moment Glenpaw met Veilpaw, he hadn't taken to him. But that didn’t affect her opinion of him. Glenpaw was a friend – a good friend, and as long as he was a friend to her, she would be a friend to him. She looked at Glenpaw expectantly. What could he want to talk about?

[Wolfy]

Glenpaw

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.

[/right]

When Crystalpaw pulled her face up from where she slept, she sniffed but blinked up him with weary eyes. She was very pretty even when she was tired. Although when he looked at her, she looked absolutely cold. Maybe she was, it was getting pretty chilly out. Even his thin pelt didn't help warm him up from the chipper ice that was headed down to CelestialClan. He swallowed awkwardly, not exactly sure how to go about saying this to Crystalpaw. The pretty she-cat had always been his friend, but he had never told anyone about Ivy-his sister. But the nightmares still came, more often then before and his sleep was lessening every time he got into his nest. Funny, when he looked at Crystalpaw, she didn't even need to speak for him to understand her. He could hear her through a raging wind storm if she didn't utter a word. And sometimes that was the best type of communication. Silence.

Gulping in a breath of ice-cold chilly air, Glenpaw coughed a little before beginning his brutal story. "Unfortunately I don't have anything pleasant to say." he growled quietly. But then he looked at her with his honey-glazed eyes and he began spilling everything out uncontrollably, "Crystalpaw, when I was no more than a kit, first starting to be an apprentice, I had a sister. Her name was Ivypaw. Ivypaw and I didn't get along very well. I suppose that's why I'm so.....intolerable."[/color] He meant to have a good-humor about it, but his eyes sulked down into the mossy bedding. "I-we, we didn't get along like I said. I was very unreasonable and Ivypaw was very hyper. Much like Dewpaw. That must be why I don't get along with her very much. She's too different. My sister, Ivypaw, was too. She was very different. From me at least. Well one day, it was leaf-fall and I was out hunting. I was coming right up to my catch, but then the leaves started rustling and lo and behold, Ivypaw came bursting out. I knew I should've been light with her, but I hissed in her face and told her 'I wish I had never been kitted with you.' She was devastated and she ran away from me. I was so mad that I went back to the camp. I was only in there for a few minutes when Ivypaw's mentor came running in to yell 'She's dead!'"[/color] He stared off into the distance as though remembering a horrible dream that never went away. It was like a dream. He wished it was a dream. He always did when he thought about what happened. Blinking, he twitched his whiskers to jolt him to the present before he looked back over to where Crystalpaw lay. "From then I knew what had happened. I raced out to the forest and found my sister, bedraggled and dead on the Thunderpath. I could've stopped her from running away. Even her mentor blamed me for her death. He died about a few moons later from a badger attack, but it still haunted me. Ivypaw's death is in my paws. I didn't mean to kill her."[/color] He quivered when he thought of it again. If droplets of sadness like tears could fall out onto his whiskers, they would. He was in his most sad moment. Actually speaking about his sister again made him even more vulnerable. Everyone always told Glenpaw that it wasn't his fault Ivypaw died, but he never truly believed himself. Breathing in, he continued "I guess I'm telling you this because I keep having nightmares and I need someone to help. Someone I can trust above all others. Someone like you. I can never get a full nights rest because I always see my sister crying out for me to save her before she dies. I just needed to tell someone. Yeah, just to tell someone."[/color] he murmured silently as he laid his head back onto his white paws. He turned his head slightly to gaze at Crystalpaw once more, just to be certain she was still listening and to see if she had any advice whatsoever.

[Swift ✱]

Crystalpaw breathed in deeply, shutting her heavy eyes as she did. She listened quietly, her face softened as he spoke. She could see that it hurt Glenpaw even to talk about this. She had never seen him in such a state. Not Glenpaw, he wasn’t like that. She sat up, gazing at him. He finished. She didn’t say anything for a beat, she just looked at him. "Oh Glen," she murmured quietly. "I don't know what to say," she said softly. She felt awkward. She wasn’t sure what she should say or do. It wasn’t his fault that she was dead. He had to understand that. The blame shouldn’t have been put on him. That was unjust. He had only been a little apprentice then – how could the rest of the clan do that? “It’s not your fault Glen, you have to understand that. It really wasn’t. How were you to know?” she whispered.

Maybe he shouldn’t have gone as far as to say that he wished he hadn’t been kitted with her. But Glenpaw couldn’t help himself when he got angry. He said things he wouldn’t usually say. Wouldn’t his sister, of all cats, know that? Even if they didn't get along? She could understand how Ivypaw felt when he said that, for she had experienced something similar, just not in the same way. Her brother had left with her father. Her father killed her mother. Her brother had looked on. They had both abandoned her too when they left her mother. Crystalpaw didn’t want to think about it. She had tried to block of the memories. It had worked to an extent; her dreams were becoming less frequent. Glenpaw had probably been doing the same.

“You can’t predict the future Glen. You never know what it might bring. But all actions have consequences. You can’t blame yourself for what happened. You just had a fight with your sister at the wrong place and the wrong time. She didn’t know what was going to happen to her - neither did you,” Crystalpaw said calmly. Her eyes scrutinized him, worried. “What has happened, has happened. We can’t do anything about it but get on with life.” She knew that in that sentence she was contradicting herself. She had dwelled too much on what had happened to her, she knew she had. All it had done for her was give her nightmares and distance her from the clan. She could see now that the same had happened to Glenpaw. They were in this together really.

[Wolfy]

Glenpaw[/size]

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am.

Glenpaw stared at his friend who looked drowsy still from her sleep. She spoke with such confidence that it made Glenpaw feel powerful. Crystalpaw was a true friend to him. The charcoal tom let out a soft purr in the back of his throat. Yellow eyes floating down to his paws, he contemplated the way Ivypaw died. Her gaze drifting deep within him and for a minute, he was sucked back into his kithood. When he was a kit, he vaguely remembered looking up for the first time to see a friendly gaze looking back at him. He could remember her. She was such a sweet kit, always purring and playing around. She was one of the best. But then as he grew older, that sweet kit became super annoying and as irritating as she was, somewhere deep down he still loved her. Fleeing away from his hatred, the sweet kit went to her death. The charcoal tom blamed himself forever and never escaped from her deathly gaze. Now, listening to Crystalpaw again, he thought he saw a kit scampering towards the apprentices’ den. He blinked his honey gaze on the faint she-cat and realized that she was the small, sweet kit he loved. He recognized Ivypaw. He let out a soft call and saw her blink sympathetically at Crystalpaw and then she nodded slowly as if forgiving him for sending her away. Twitching his whiskers, Glenpaw looked once more at his pretty friend who was comforting him and then back towards the entrance. Ivypaw was gone.

He felt restored as if his sister had forgiven him for sending her away and that his friend was ever so carefully comforting him. He let out a small sigh of relief. Crystalpaw’s softening gaze then lured him in. Glenpaw cleared his throat after Crystalpaw finished, ”Thanks Crystalpaw. I-I don’t say this enough, but you’re a really good friend. It means a lot that you took the time to listen. No one listens to the real trouble in me. Then again, I don’t let anyone in anyways. I-I think I can sleep soundly tonight for the first time in moons.”[/color] His voice trailed away as he gazed at the apprentice next to him. He wouldn’t forget her kindness that quickly. Who else could have listened and healed him?

[Swift ✱]

Crystalpaw smiled shyly in response, her eyes cast down at her cream paws. She knew Glenpaw had been having trouble sleeping. Maybe he was less agitated now that he had told her. It contented her to think that Glenpaw confided in her, she had a warm feeling inside. It was nice to think that she had helped him. She needed what friends she had. Glenpaw would have done the same for her, so she would help him through whatever happened and he would help her. Things were better now that she had Glenpaw as her friend. Hopefully they would continue to stay that way. Maybe, someday she would confide in him too all that occupied her mind.

It suddenly occurred to the she-cat how little they knew about each other. Glenpaw had told her about himself when he explained what had happened with Ivypaw. But she hadn’t told him anything. All he knew was that something troubled her - she had seen as much when they first spoke. She could still hear his voice in her head whenever she thought of it. "What's clouded your mind?" Yet, she hadn’t told him. She hadn’t told him about her father, her mother, her brother. Every time she thought about them, she could see her father’s horrid eyes looking at her in her minds eye. Crystalpaw closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. Maybe it was better if it stayed that way. Nobody had to know except her. If she kept it to herself, she wouldn’t burden anyone else with her thoughts.

Crystalpaw's maw parted in a yawn. She stood up and leaned back into a stretch, flexing her limbs and trying to wake herself up. She straightened and looked at Glenpaw. “What will we do today?” she asked. She wasn’t sure if she really wanted to leave what warmth the den provided and go outside, but she didn’t mind as long as she wasn’t on her own. But for today, she would do what Glenpaw wanted. If he wanted to go outside then they would go outside. If he wanted her to leave him alone, then she would leave him alone. Anyway, if they went outside it would be Glenpaw who would feel the cold more so than her with his pelt being thinner than hers.

[Wolfy]

OOC: Sorry Swift, I can't keep up this post, especially with the two of them becoming warriors. We'll have another warrior post with the two of them when I finish up some of my other threads. But let's just say they went hunting and then had their warrior ceremony.

XXClosed.