in a sea of faces {fate|open}

[Dusk]

Fawndance
_{Is there anything I can do for you, dear?
Is there anyone i should call?}

It was bit on the dark side today, wasn't it? Not too bad, but certainly dimmer than usual for early afternoon. Maybe there would be some rain towards the evening, then? If the mildly overcast sky stayed for a little while, then rain would most certainly be in the future; one didn't need a message from Starclan to figure out that much. Glancing for a moment out of her den, a certain sorrel coloured she-cat was rather glad of the chances of rain. Greenleaf was practically in full force, but there were still a few shortages of certain herbs. The past winter had been harsh, not to mention that frost had still clung stubbornly to the plants even in the spring; it served only to further damage many of the medicinal plants which Fawndance liked to have a good stock of at all times. Rain would encourage more growth. More growth was good, especially with new life in the clan.

With a relieved sigh the long-haired medicine cat leaned back on her haunches, eyeing the newly organized herb bundles with satisfaction. She knew which herbs needed replenishing, all the old and less potent leaves were gone; the limestone den was looking far neater than it had for the past few moons. It might not last, but at least for now the cave was no longer an eyesore. Everything was taken care of; well almost everything anyways. A small frown twisted on the feline's features momentarily. Two things needed to be done. One, she needed to find and apprentice to help her out in the camp; a single old cat could only do so much. Besides, it was about time that another learned the way of the medicine cat. If the clan was left without a medicine cat... Her green eyes narrowed at the thought and she gave a small shake. No use thinking of what might happen. When the clan needed it, an apprentice able to take on the tasks of a medicine cat would come along.

Her second objective was far more relevant to the present. Fatesong and her kits should be checked up on. The pale she-cat had barely gotten a chance to give the kits more than a cursory overview, though she did stop in at least once a moon to give them a quick sniff. At four moons, any late developmental problems would be showing, so it would be good to finally give the kits a more thorough examination. Nodding in agreement with her decision the she-cat swept out of her den, making her way across the camp with the easy grace for which she'd gotten the suffix of her name. That slightly sassy swagger was so built into her nature, she simply couldn't shake it off even for a simple transit from one den to another. A ghost of a smile played softly on her lips as she nodded to other cats lazing about in the camp; it was still there, strong and unfaltering as she poked her head into the nursery and let her bright gaze settle on the dark coloured queen and her three kits romping about the den. "Hullo, Fatesong, mind if I stop in for a moment?" She spoke in an easy going tone; warm and friendly as one should be with any queen, but there was an underlying note that said she wouldn't be driven off even if the yellow eyed ex-loner refused.

ooc: blegh, sorry this sucks so much. i stopped and restarted so many times the muse just sort of fizzled out

[Dawn]

* FATESONG

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And you can't stop me from falling apart | Because my self-destruction is all your fault


It had been four moons since she had joined Celestialclan, that could be marked by the age of her three kits. All of them were healthy and active. Her son Veilkit was the largest; having seen just four moons in the clan nursery, his eyes had changed from pale baby blue to rich yellow and green, his ears had unfolded, and he had grown bigger with each day. Still, he was her son, and that through all of the hurt and mistakes in her life she had produced this innocent kitten, covered in soft gray fluff, well, that was pretty amazing to her. Rowankit was her firstborn, she recalled; his soft eyes had become deep amber, and she saw a lot of promise in this smaller brother, a ginger tabby like his uncle for whom he was named. Lastly was her only daughter, Dewkit, the smallest of the three. Her eyes remained blue, and the new mother had at first been afraid she was blind, until she noticed faint green at the edges of her pupil. Fawndance, the medicine cat, had reassured her as well. Still, she sometimes worried that the little female was a bit hard of hearing. It was difficult to tell when they were all so young, though. I was never meant to be a mother, and now here I am, with three new lives to take care of. I can barely take care of myself; how can I ever be sure their lives are different from mine? She didn't dislike being cooped up in the nursery all that much entirely. It was warm and cozy and safer than any place she had ever been before; Fatesong wished, with a touch of melancholy, that she could have been born here instead of in Delirium. Still, there were certain cons to it, one of them being that she spent a lot of her time thinking, and that meant that the small black feline was often in the past, a place she hated to be, or in the future, worrying about her kit's lives and safety. She was currently there when a voice drug her back to the present time. It was Fawndance, the medicine cat.

In her time as a clan member, there were a few she had become close to. In particular, Ivyshade, a kind warrior who would often visit her and speak to her; and of course, she had already come to respect and admire the deputy, Titianfoot, greatly. While some resented the loner and her kits joining the mostly pure blooded clan, Fatesong had also built a steady relationship with the hardy medicine cat, who had helped her out a lot, and Jaspersun, a flirty tom who was always up for entertaining her when she was restless. He had told her that in two moons, her kits would become apprentices. Veilpaw, Rowanpaw, and Dewpaw. They'll be one step closer to being clan warriors; after all, they were born on Celestialclan territory. Surely we can push ahead, and perhaps it will be forgotten that at least my three are not clan born. It was the sudden shock of motherhood. She didn't worry now about herself, or her unstable standing in the clan. The slim black she-cat, still almost too small to be nursing three youth, had grown a larger and fuller heart for her kits, living and breathing proof that, at last, her life had been worth something. They will grow to be the strongest warriors. She felt that with a fire in her strengthened heart. Still, that was too far ahead to think. Realizing that she had remained silent, Fatesong quickly snapped her yellow eyes to Fawndance's.

Once cold and lifeless, the young queen's gaze was now bright and she managed a half smile to the medicine cat. In just four moons, Fatesong had taken on a tremendous amount of love for her adopted clan, and for the cats that had helped her to be taken in most, Titianfoot and Fawndance. "No, not at all."[/color] She purred quietly, nodding to her sons to show that they might play in the clearing with their sister for a while. "Be sure to stay close, Veilkit." She meowed to the largest of the three, catching his pale, innocent gaze as he turned to follow his eager siblings. He was very protective of Dewkit, and she knew she could trust him to look after the two smaller, though at times he got annoyed with them. After all, he was just a kit, and all kit's have a breaking point when it comes to patience. How many kits have I known anyway? She thought rather cynically, turning back to the healer as her kits exited the den. "How are you doing, Fawndance? I suppose you've come to ask me the same." She mewed, sitting up in her nest to watch the other, older female carefully.

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[Dusk]

Fawndance
_{Is there anything I can do for you, dear?
Is there anyone i should call?}

Fawndance watched the little kits with a fond gaze as they totted their way out of the nursery, the slightest twinge of longing in her eyes as she traced their path. Kits... she'd always loved them, there was some instinct which drew her to them that she couldn't shake off. The typical innocence and never ending joy, the lack of inherent evil or truly malicious intentions; kits were breath of fresh air in a world full of cats with all the wrong motives. Kits didn't bring you down, they found just about everything new interesting. That life and youth could truly raise the spirits of any melancholy warrior. The aged sorrel she-cat would have loved to raise a litter of her own in her more youthful years. Alas, there was the plague of choosing to be a medicine cat. Neither kit nor mate could ever be hers; for the medicine cat's devotion must first be to Starclan and her leader. Occasionally the female warrior wondered what life would have been like if she'd never felt drawn to the medicine cat den as a kit. If Gryphonflight had never approached her when she was only Fawnkit and asked if she was interested in helping the clan without having to fight along borders with other clans - at a time when there was good amount of fighting going on. If she'd never said yes, would she be any different? Well, there was nothing she could do about it now, and wondering about what might have been wasn't how the she-cat liked to spend her time. 'Every one in the clan is a kit of yours, even if they're not related through blood.' The old phrase came naturally as a sort of comfort.

The healer turned her focus and thoughts back to the dark queen as she sat up and resettled herself in the nest which -Fawndance noticed with an inward frown- was looking like the moss needed a changing. First apprentice she came across; Glenpaw, Crystalpaw, Rosepaw it didn't matter which of the three, she was going to send out to fetch a fresh batch even if the rain started before they could bring it back. If they were shirking their duties in the nursery it could be assumed they would have done the same with the elders. Thorntail would be full of complaints if she went to look in on them later. "Myself? Doing well enough, though I feel as though I've been running everywhere recently." She gave a good-natured chuckle to throw off any semblance of a complaint behind the words; there wasn't one, but the she-cat knew how easily another could misinterpret what one was saying. She really didn't mind all the activity, it kept her spry when some cats would be slowing down. "Means that the clan is good and active."

The she-cat paused with a contented smile settling naturally on her features. Her brow rose as Fawndance, too, sat and curled that long furred tail neatly about her paws while the other cat made a correct assumption as to the reasoning behind her visit. "Seems I've become predictable," she laughed lightly. "Must mean I'm getting old." The visits had become regular after all, it wasn't surprising that a she-cat with Fatesong's intelligence could come to recognize the routine behind them. Still, the pale she-cat liked to seize all chances to lighten the mood even if it wasn't necessarily befitting to the image of a wise old medicine cat. If the she-cat truly cared about her image in the eyes of others then she would have forced down her flirtatious nature moons ago. For the moment, though, she turned serious as she spoke once more. "Truly, though, how have you been doing lately? Clan life treating you well; all settled in? Anything worrying you?" When she had to, Fawndance could be a straight-shooter; get everything out that she thought mattered immediately rather than feed it slowly into the conversation.

[Dawn]

* FATESONG

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She had a pretty face but her head was up in space | She needed to come back down to earth



The queen watched as Fawndance gazed after the kits. She didn't catch the glint of want or wishful thinking in the old medicine cat's eyes, for she had never been very skilled in reading others. That was Conrad, and always had been. Instead, Fatesong found it difficult to relate, setting herself apart from even those closest to her on a lonely island. Perhaps it was partly because of fear; she didn't want to be hurt again, and she distanced herself emotionally. Perhaps it was because of shame that she came back down again, and allowed others to get close, like her kit's father. But then, where had that led? It was both a blessing and a curse. Fatesong had had her heart broken, but she had been given three kits, and a warrior's position and name, and had found friends who were willing not to press about where she had come from. She was not cold in feeling; she genuinely wanted to be accepted into the clan, and worked hard to get close to each member individually, knowing she wasn't the most popular queen they'd ever known. It had been luck and persistence and respect which brought her to be friends with Titianfoot, and to be on good terms with the medicine cat, Fawndance, as well. She really seems to care for Celestialclan. The black she-cat considered thoughtfully, shaking a bit of moss from her nest as she rose to speak with her.

Fatesong listened attentively as Fawndance issued a minor complaint, then softened it with humor. It was typical of her, especially being a healer, to make her problems seem smaller than other's. Though she was in an awkward position that this moment, her heart still went out to Fawndance, having the four to take care of as well as the rest of the clan. She must be busy. I wonder if she'll take on an apprentice to help her? Since there wasn't much to say to that, she let a long blink pass, yellow eyes hidden from sight. She was rather tired, but didn't wish to be rude and insist on being allowed to sleep, especially since it wasn't a normal time to be napping. Perhaps, though, once her kits came back and the medicine cat left, she could sleep for a bit. I hope they find an apprentice to play with, Glenpaw or Crystalpaw or Rosepaw, to help tire them out.

"I'm doing alright." She mewed quietly, as the topic turned from Fawndance, who had given a chuckle at being predictable, to herself. "Some cats are friendly, and then others aren't. I hope it will be different when I'm a warrior and not a liability, and I can prove my loyalty." Slightly embarrassed by the bold statement, she looked away, fur warm, and struggled to explain to the medicine cat, who listened well. "I feel like I belong here, in Celestialclan." It was true; the sense of home was here, like it had never been in Delirium. She would be ready easily to fight tooth and claw to preserve the lives her kits would build here; against anyone. The other clans, who she had yet to meet; Delirium members; or even her own kin.






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[Dusk]

Fawndance
_{Is there anything I can do for you, dear?
Is there anyone i should call?}

It might have been an idle conversation -not so minor as a chat over the recent weather, but still it wasn't as if the conversation decided the fate of the clan- but the medicine cat made a point of listening intently to the queen as she gave her quiet replies, unfazed by the long-furred feline's rapid series of questions. It wasn't quite the same rapt attention as a fresh-made apprentice gives their mentor, awestruck and hanging on the other's every word, however the Celestialclan healer was doing more than just listening to the words. She was observing too. A cat could say just about anything and not mean anything by it. Body language and tone were the two things that Fawndance watched and listened for, not just the speech. It was a habit the green-eyed she-cat had picked up more by necessity than choice. Some cats were always too proud when they came to her for herbs to treat pain; they would lie and undermine the extent of their injuries for the sake of keeping their dignity. 'As though getting hurt and needing treatment is something shameful. Some cats really do need a lesson in humility.' As such, she'd needed to see past the words to look into the truth of the matter and properly treat some of her patients. It might have been more work than just going with what another said, but the feline felt it made her a stronger healer in the end.

Fatesong was sincere as she spoke, striving to put how she felt to words. Perhaps talking about herself wasn't the dark queen's strong point. She'd been a loner before coming across the clan after all -as far as the medicine cat knew at least- and, considering the solitude of such a life, idle chatter would more than likely not have been any sort of priority. Then again, maybe that wasn't the only obstacle . Three, four moon old kits were quite the pawful to take care of. It would be tiresome to manage them daily with only a small amount of outside help. And there was no keeping a queen from her kits for very long, even if she did need a break every once in a while from watching them and finding some way to keep the little ones entertained. Maybe I should leave and come back later,' she considered for a moment. 'No, then I'll just make more problems than solutions.'

"I'm sure everyone will come to accept you with time," she mewed with more force than most would put behind such simple words. Belatedly the medicine cat caught herself, and ducked her head as she felt her face heat beneath her pelt. She cleared her throat and gave a slight roll of her emerald eyes at her being so abashed for raising her voice. "Sorry, I just..." Now it Fawndance's turn to struggle in explaining what she was feeling it seemed. "Anyone who holds some sort of grudge against you simply for your being a former loner; it's hard to explain. Let's just say I wouldn't particularly enjoy their company." Technically speaking there were a million and one not-so-pleasant things she could say. None, however, did she wish to say while there was a chance of any of the kits wandering back to their mother without notice and overhearing the conversation. "You do belong, of that I'm sure, even if others will be petty thanks only to lineage."

[Dawn]

* FATESONG

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She had a pretty face but her head was up in space | She needed to come back down to earth


She noticed how Fawndance studied her as well, typical of the few cats she had truly conversed with in a short, bitter life. With some, it was generally just a skim over the top, never really noticing her feelings. With others, she could tell they saw right to her heart, past what she might say, whether true or not. From those sorts of cats she always felt herself withdraw, feeling as a part of her inner self was exposed. Though surely Fawndance couldn't read her so clearly, could only see behind her words, Fatesong wondered how much she really knew about the origins of the queen and her three young. As of yet, her kits didn't even know about it. How could she tell them? They would never understand how she had brought them away from a life and clan of bloodshed to be raised here; they couldn't understand the life she and their father had had, and nor could they live it. They were fortunate to be the only litter in the nursery. Firstly, because she suspected that was the main reason Cometstar had accepted them- though he was absent now- the fact that there were so few youth in this clan. Second, however, was that the others kits could not clue Veilkit, Rowankit, and Dewkit into their background, to show them they were any different. How odd it was to bring up cats that dreamed so vividly of their warriorship. She had expected her Delirium blood to taint that ideal, but it had truly been shown to her three days before. Fatesong had stepped out to watch her kits play in the sunlight of midday, and had overheard the gray kit telling his sister about becoming a warrior, as he must have heard from an apprentice. She wouldn't have been surprised if any of them expressed a desire to become deputy, because they truly believed themselves equal to their clanmates, and didn't know that they hadn't simply been born here, in the nursery. The main reason it was good that they had no playmates other than themselves is that they had yet to ask her about their past, and perhaps distant memories they might have of hostility or nonacceptance. It was for the black queen as though she had been given a fresh chance, her slate wiped clean, to begin a new life free of this one- through her kits.

Slightly startled by the medicine cat's outburst, her yellow eyes lit up with puzzlement and her jaws opened slightly. There had been nothing rude about Fawndance's word choice, but her tone was hard and steady, with underlying anger. She waited patiently to see what else the healer had to say, however, curious. "You were born in Celestialclan, weren't you, Fawndance?" She finally questioned with quiet curiosity, wondering if there was a reason she could side with Fatesong, and not alienate her due to her blood. At that moment she felt a burning desire to share that she had not really been a loner, if for more than a day, but she couldn't bring herself to. The cream colored female might readily accept her not having clan blood, but if she had that kind of thick blood, surely she couldn't so easily. Slowly, Fatesong meowed, "Thank you. I came here by accident, but I am grateful for your kindness. I'm going to try my hardest to let others see it was the right decision to allow me into the clan."
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[Dusk]

Fawndance
_{Is There anything I can do for you, dear?
Is there anyone I should call?}

The sorrel-coloured feline stepped back as Fatesong shifted her weight and stood in her nest, following a few paces behind the queen as she padded out of the den to watch her kits. They certainly seemed to be enjoying themselves as they romped about in the sunlight and bragged about their prowess and abilities. The gray one -Veilkit the she-cat recalled after a moment - seemed especially outgoing even while remaining attentive of his small-ish sister. He was explaining eagerly to the tortoiseshell she-cat how he would be a successful warrior, though perhaps doing so a bit loudly. Fawndance had been about to comment on his being eager to be heard all over when she saw the long-furred kit turn to speak to his ginger-patched brother in a quieter tone. With the little she-cat, though, it seemed that he chose to speak up. The blue-green eyed female seemed to always be talking rather loudly. 'Hard of hearing, maybe?' The last time she'd been to check on the little family Dewkit had seemed a bit slow to respond when spoken to in a quiet tone, but watching her now it seemed that her hearing problem wasn't too disadvantageous. She'd just... need to be more aware of her surroundings through her other senses to compensate for not being able to hear from as great a distance as your typical warrior. With a blink of emerald green eyes the she-cat realized she'd fallen into her old habit of viewing cats from a medical standpoint. An odd habit, but one that crept up on her at sometimes inconvenient times.

The she-cat laughed as Fatesong looked at her with curiosity lighting her gaze and questioned gently after her origins. The laugh wasn't rude, but she couldn't help but let her amusement at the irony of the thought be made known. "Yes, indeed, I'm fully "clan-blooded" as those hard headed purists would say." The feline doubted she'd have ever been accepted as medicine cat apprentice back in her day, otherwise. The leader at the time hadn't been particularly fond of rouges, but of course Fatesong wasn't to know that with only four moons of clan life behind her. "You could say I find problem with those against loners simply because the original clan cats were loners themselves, though many seem happy to forget the fact." Finally it seemed she was able to voice what had caused her to react so strongly earlier. Everyone had a little loner or rouge blood in them; no matter how far back it was undeniable. In a sense - though perhaps only in the vaguest sense - denying the entry of loners into the clan was similar to denying one's own heritage.

"Well, if one good thing has come of Cometstar's lengthy absence it's that the clan is adapting to you being here without feeling forced into it by him." She hated to think of her leader's being gone as a good thing when so much of the clan was harder to manage because of it, but at least it did mean he was still indirectly contributing to the welfare of the Celestialclan's warriors. "They'll all come to see, eventually. Any fool can keep a grudge, but even grudge-holders have to accept an asset when they see one." She ducked her head momentarily to the she-cat. "Don't mean to refer to you like some sort of object, sorry." The feline quietly cursed the ease with which she followed the mindset of others; how carelessly she tossed around their words as though they weren't the completely wrong ones to say.

[Dawn]

* FATESONG

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She had a pretty face but her head was up in space | She needed to come back down to earth


After the moment with the kits, a few of the same thoughts crossing her mind (but not diligently, for Fatesong knew nothing about kits) she turned her attention back to the medicine cat. Her gentle laugh and amusement made the ebony female realize just how much older than herself the healer was; and also, how much more wise, in both knowledge and the ways of the world. Fatesong herself was nothing but a young, wet behind the ears queen. If there was one thing she knew, just one thing, it was how to fend for herself. She knew that nothing came free, and a place to settle- she hoped- hadn't come easily. She didn't expect things to come cheap for her kits, either, and that was where the little she did know came into play, because she was willing to fight with every breath for her place in the world and this clan. It was a hard fact, but the three young felines would have to be too, especially once they became apprentices, and began to train in ways she had never even pictured. I wonder, if one of them might even become a medicine cat apprentice? The two cats that she respected most in the clan were the deputy, Titianfoot, and the cat before her, Fawndance. If any of her kin were to be apprenticed to either of the females, she would be quite proud.

As she spoke of the original clan cats being loners and rogues, her interest was sparked. "Really? I've never heard much about them. Jaspersun told me a little about the other clans, but everything is so new and vague. I know nothing more than my kits." Fatesong drew a deep breath, gaze wandering back to the den exit. She could hear Veilkit staging a game with his brother outside the den, which made her relax, knowing they were still there. Shard had not stolen them. Ruin had not taken them. They were safe. "It's alright, I understand what you mean." She meowed with a touch of warmth in her tone. Cometstar wouldn't have forced the clan to warm up to her; would he? The tom seemed too busy bumbling around to think much of a young loner. Fatesong didn't get the idea that he looked out for her much, though he was respectable enough all the same. She would have to respect him; he was the leader. Right now though, Titianfoot was the one leading the clan. She was nervous, but she was strong. If the leader disappeared... What would happen to Celestialclan? Would the deputy simply take over? All of this thinking was making her sleepy. She yawned slightly, curling and recurling her tail about her haunches.


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[Dusk]

Fawndance
_{Is There anything I can do for you, dear?
Is there anyone I should call?}

Fawndance gave slight, stiff roll of her shoulders as the obsidian queen beside her expressed her curiosity at the new information. Stiff shoulders... yes, it was definitely going to rain. The medicine cat lifted her eyes skyward for a quick glance at the slowly gathering clouds, it looked like they might have one or two dry hours left. If Jaspersun doesn't know, I wouldn't be surprised," she mewed ruefully while tearing her focus away from the impending storm. "Can't really say how many of our warriors assume that the clans have always just... been around." Most of them, probably, although the sorrel she-cat kept that last sentiment to herself. She really couldn't say. It wasn't as though one could just go around the clan asking 'where do you think the original clan cats came from?' although the healer had half-considered the option for the simple sake of wondering. Her eyes narrowed to yellow-green slits as she lingered on the thoughts. "It's just, the clans can't have started as a bunch of cats that were already a clan; we had to come from somewhere before banding together, right?" She broke off suddenly as the realization struck that Fawndance had been just voicing her thoughts aloud.

A calming breath helped realign her thoughts and nudge the healer back into focus. Fatesong didn't need to hear the pointless wonderings of an aging cat like herself. "The clan will always be here for you; it's good to be strong by yourself, but you can rely on others here as well." Fawndance said earnestly, though not sure what drove her to speak. We're all one big, dysfunctional family. Not everyone may agree with each other, but we still get along somehow." She gave a dry laugh; she should know, considering it was her task to care for each one of the other cats in the clan. The she-cat paused as her companion gave a small yawn and shifted as though to keep from drifting off into sleep. Watching kits was a tiring job, wasn't it? A warm smile lit up the healer's face, and she stood. The dark queen probably wanted some rest. "I'm sure you're tired from managing those lively bundles of fur with only a bit of help. I'll head out leave you to take a nap if you like."

ooc: sorry it's crap, my Fawn muse is dying